How to keep husband from annoying people

My husband has this habit of pulling out his iPad at family functions and showing videos. Normally this wouldn't be bad but it's half a dozen vids or he narrows in on a cousin and shows them multiple videos and then leaves me alone with others. Thanksgiving he was glued to it and I had to take it away so he could talk to his relative for a couple of minutes. I did have some success by placing it with our coats so he didn't even get it out but he still does it and I can't think of a nice way to tell him to put it away when we are at family functions. And by nice I mean not hiding it in my coat and getting the point across without him going "No one got mad, stop worrying so much". It's getting to the point at a few functions we have had to distract him but how do you tell someone nicely to please put the iPad away?

Um...tell him nicely to "please put the iPad away."

Are these events at your house or is he bringing his iPad with him to other people's houses?

I guess you could say "honey, I know you really enjoy sharing these videos with people, but everyone is trying to socialize and talk, and bringing out your iPad shuts people out and also distracts them from being able to socialize with more than one person."

I mean, how many families don't allow gadgets at the dinner table? I think it's a reasonable request that he not bring his iPad to these social functions.

Seesaw

He brings it everywhere including other people's houses and public. I have told him that he needs to stop doing that a d he gets defensive and says I'm worrying too much. I'll try what you said and see if that gets the point across. Thanks

He brings it to other people's houses? That's kind of out of line, socially. People are there to socialize, not look at videos and gadgets.

I don't know anyone who brings an iPad to someone else's house. Most people I know who have one use it for either home use like reading or surfing the web, or they use it at work for meetings, etc.

Does he notice that it bothers other people? I mean like could you allow him to bring it and just ignore him?

Or, um, could you put a password on it so he can only use it at home? Lol.

Seesaw

I like Seeesaw's suggestions. I wonder why he does this? Do you think he doesn't feel comfortable with conversation and uses this as a way to avoid conversation? It's a great distraction.

Maybe he's just not so comfortable with face to face social encounters so needs something to hide behind or at least provide something to talk about. I do the same.

This is completely out of line and quite childish. He needs to know that face-to-face socialisation is de rigour for such events.

Insist that the tablet remain home. Insist that taking it is inappropriate. Ask him to consider: Does anyone else behave accordingly? Perhaps come to an agreement of under what circumstances during the evening is he stressing so much under that makes it necessary to leave and go home (it sounds to me as though having this tablet is a security blanket of sorts; a coping mechanism).

My boyfriend also does this, only he is playing with his phone by himself, ignoring everyone around him. If we are with my family, I ignore it. He is responsible for his own behavior.

If we are with his family, it's a different story. I tell him ahead of time that I am not going to do the hard work of keeping up a conversation with his relatives if he can't be bothered. So when he brings out his phone, I nudge him as a reminder to put it away. I've also told him that if he's going to play on his phone the whole time, I'm not going and he'll have to deal with them alone.

How do those he shows videos to react to him?

Don't see why, that sounds like a nightmare.

Bill3 they lose interest after a few minutes. I think his family is a little too polite in telling him " That's very nice but why don't you put that away for a few minutes." He does have Aspergers (I have it too but if I did anything like this my mom will tell me you need to change the subject or the iPad would be on a time limit) and I think they are afraid of upsetting him or they just don't get that you can tell him no. He will be upset but he won't throw a fit. He monologues and usually when we are with my folks we keep better tabs on him. Usually we will distract him by asking him to do something and when he does it on me sometimes I tell him I'm preoccupied, but I think his family doesn't get that they don't have to deal with it and ignoring it only encourages that behavior

Why is his behavior your problem? It's on him and no reflection of you. Your not responsible for policing him.

Well we were at relatives Christmas dinner and there were some strangers too and my husband kept showing people some pics or videos on his phone. It was within a topic of discussion but it was still too much. Ok show two pics but then stop. I had to tell him to stop. He stops when I ask him. But in general he just doesn’t know when to stop. Once I took his phone and put it in My pocket haha

Him having ASD explains it. I have students with ASD and they’d be showing me pics all day if I let them. I have a student who would be showing me pics of his cats for hours if I didn’t limit him. Does your husband see a professional like a therapist. My husband doesnt have ASD but has Torettes and OCD. Lots of his behaviors are due to that

I agree 100% with Nammu. As adults we are responsible for our own entertainment, and monitoring our impulse control.

I do see a therapist who deals with people with ASD and have been considering doing this. That is actually not a bad idea.

I meant not him not you.

So you are implying that everyone can control their impulses at all times? Regardless what disorders or disabilities they might have? That’s not realistic and not entirely correct unless we are talking about 100% healthy people completely free of any disorders. That’s not what this forum is about and certainly not this thread

I still feel that this requires a 'coaching conversation'.

In the meantime, one tactic might be to get him up and involved. Try to include him in conversations and the actions of others that are going on. Find some way to otherwise keep him engaged.

No it’s not her responsibility. But your post sounded to me as you are saying that impulse control should be easily accomplished. Maybe that’s not what you meant. He has Autism Spectrum Disorder. No, it’s not diminished capacity but impulse control isn’t as easy for him. Yes I agree she shouldn’t police him. But we should also have some compassion and understanding what he does and why other than demanding he just behaves like everyone else. It’s unrealistuc. But I agree it’s not her job

I'm not trying to police him but I'm not good at telling people to stop doing things. My mother and I agreed it is becoming a problem. We went with justafriends idea and think inclusion will help a little more.thanks

Whoops.....I don't think I've worded that right but I was thinking of taking him to see her....

I can understand how this is. I think if you make this a serious issue then serious change should happened. Test you guys interpersonal skills .

Find something attractive to do in a family meeting that will make him see there's something better for him to do than use the iPad