Why Don't Guys Make an Effort on Dating Websites?

I use OKC and I'm really disappointed by the lack of effort in these guys' profiles. Some guys I met were super nice even though their profile was lacking in substance...but really, why do guys write one-liners...not even one-liners. Singular words. "Nice. Adventurous. Likes dogs. Goes fishing. Smart." Or they'll say things like "I don't bother with these things/just message me if you think I'm cute." Or they'll list stuff. A whole wall of things that doesn't have anything to do with what I need to know in order to know if this guy is dateable. Like, they have one sentence in their introduction and then a big wall of favorite movies and TV shows and everything else is bare minimum. Huh?

I very rarely see a guy with a filled out profile...in fact, I vary rarely see profiles of guys who are looking to actually date...and this is supposed to be a dating website!

What am I missing here? Is it OKC or are all guys like this on every dating site?

Anyone can write anything in their profiles. Detailed, long and elaborate profiles are suspicious because everything in there could be a lie. Also men do not like to talk about themselves as much. I haven’t met any decent men who had elaborate profiles, it’s just not typical for a guy to write novels about themselves. Most people also don’t read long profiles so it’s the waste of time to write long ones. If you want to know something that isn’t in a profile, you could ask questions.

Yes there are ton of men who are on dating sites for dating purposes. Granted I am older than you but my daughter is about your age, late 20s. She recently got into online dating scene again, she is seeing someone steady right now but before she met him and became exclusive she was asked on several dates every week. I’ve met my husband online and there was ton of single men who were there for dating purposes

It’s very difficult to meet right person of course, someone to spend life with but it’s typically easy to find a date. There are ton of single men out there. Are you looking in the right places? I know nothing about OKCupid. Have you tried other sites?

Hmmm... I disagree. I am on Match.com and plenty of men have complete profiles, with complete sentences and some are even very long. I don't think that makes them suspicious -- it shows an effort. You have to give everyone the benefit of the doubt in the beginning. Maybe you're on the wrong site?

Well you can't really change that, but you can encourage a match to be more energetic and interesting by showing interest yourself.

Best advice from myself and my experiences, meet the person, as soon as possible if you are interested in them. I agree with you they don't make an effort. Much. Some guys would just message me for a month, and then when I said "lets meet for coffee", they were done talking to me. One guy even admitted after I agreed to meet him, that he was on there "mainly for entertainment purposes", so that's why I didn't waste time messaging back and forth anymore. Best wishes.

Oh, and to add, for safety, always in a public place.

I wonder if it's because it's a free site? There's a lower barrier to entry, so they don't put as much effort into creating a full profile. They're just throwing something out there, seeing if anyone bites.

With the paid sites, maybe they're a little more committed/serious about finding a relationship, thus willing to spend the money to sign up and the time/energy to write more?

Just a theory...

Free sites are usually for something casual or a hook up. That usually effects not only effort but somewhat quality of men. Seriously inclined men that I met on dating sites (including my husband) never had profiles on free sites so I’d never met them if I was on those.

Because the only hard work men are socialized to do is courtship as in "chasing" ,making the first move, coming up with date ideas, having the initiative and making the choice. Women are the ones expected to wow men with their looks especially and with a bonus personality. For men in courtship it's more about showing their ability to be "strong" whatever that means, to be funny and entertaining (maybe) after being given a chance.

That's the thing, men making the first move actually also means they have the choice first and foremost and in the past that was the case. Of course, it's all diluted now but it's still observed in relatively little things like this.

Of course then there's the thing that women are given access and are allowed to explore and develop more social interaction tools and techniques while a lot of men don't really know how to "sell" themselves, their personality, it doesn't come naturally to them as it does to women simply cause they weren't socialized to.

I also noticed a lot of men have the worst pictures possible, bad lighting, stupid poses, poor quality, etc but they expect women's profiles to have super good pics and in just the right contexts to showcase your bubbly, happy, sexy personality.

Another thing that bugs me is when guys make an initial contact by sending a message that just says "Hi" or something almost as short. What am I supposed to do with that? I figure that if they can't be bothered to make an effort when they first contact me then they're not worth replying to.

What happens if you just say ‘hi’ back?

Post a photo with clevage (not too trashy) and see if they make effort. Test the waters.

You kidding right? That only going to get “certain” kind of response.

Nothing, because I don't reply. There are plenty of guys out there who make an effort to strike up a conversation from what I had (I'm no longer on the sites as I have someone) written in my profile to not waste time on the one-worders.

What do men do on those sites? They look at photos looking for pretty faces, then they check for good bodies, then they maybe read the blurb to see if they relate to her. I think both sexes make a split, subconscious decision of doable or not, then they say ‘hi’.

If the OP stipulates in her blurb, “don’t bother messaging me if you are only going to say one word,” and they still just say ‘hi’, that means they didn’t even read her blurb.

I agree with what you are saying about looks-there has to be attraction- but I don’t think it needs to be cleveage. Looks are subjective and people are attracted to different looks and different bodies (not everyone has pics of their bodies on their profile). I never had any cleveage on any pics ever.

Women often complain that they get inappropriate response and sex offers on dating sites. More you show more likely you get inappropriate responses. Now on adult booty call type of site it would be cool.

True. I was just suggesting to try it and see if there’s a difference. Just a little clevage, not too trampy.

When I did personal ads, back in the dark ages, I sent this photo of me in a tailored dress I worked in, not much skin showing...but I was 23, and it was a full body shot, thin, attractive. If I got online now, for sure, there will be boobs!

Yes, I know what you mean! I am on match and its like a few sentences here and there and then nothing.
When I was on Ashley Madison the men pursued until they got you! ugh

You said you didn’t plan on dating married men and it just happened. But now you saying you were on Ashley Madison (where men pursued you) which is where married men look for affairs. So you did look for married men? Of you ended up on That site by mistake? So confused.

Please don't argue or make accusations...

I disagree. Sure, people looking for sex or something superficial may take that approach to dating. However, quality people looking for a real relationship do not. Personally, when I date online, my top factors are education, grammatically correct blurbs, career, and desire to have children. Yes, someone has to look attractive, but I would be completely turned off by a cleavage shot and count them out as “sleazy.” I think people should present themselves and what they are looking for authentically— then let the right people respond.

I totally agree.

I’m not saying to be trashy, more like a flattering neckline accentuating the boobs. I guarantee, you will get more interest from men from all walks of life. Just sayin’...

I make an effort - it just doesn't seem worth it

That’s a deeper question... is it worth the effort? It’s so draining when the meeting and dating is so disappointing.