Having a mini breakdown

I’m frozen solid just sitting here staring st the television - I got surgery on my arm in two days and I feel like I’m about to die. So alone in my hour of darkness - all I can think about is how much I don’t want to do surgery and I just want to be left alone. The irony is I’ve always been alone and I hate life for this - bitter yes. Spent the last few days reading about my procedure and I don’t like the pain and recovery period I might experience. Jesus I hate my long stupid road and now a relatively minor surgery has me wanting to leave - I’ve needed somebody for so long - this feels like total abandonment. The only thing that kept me going was my indepedence - the freedom to butter toast and not be in additional pain. But now dear friends life piles more manure on the steaming pile. I’m at last feeling the worst of the human predicament and quite frankly I’m exhausted. Strength I need and a shoulder to cry upon - will I ever be beautiful again because this mirror is dark and I have disappeared. I just needed to write - thank you

Hugs and good luck.

I’m not religious but maybe I’ll say a few rosaries 😇😇😇

Buck up, buttercup! I had like a ministroke 5 years ago, when i was 60. I just woke up on a sunday morning crosseyed and falling over. I called 911 to take me to the hospital, where i stayed for a few days. No visitors (i didnt tell anybody), but my t talked to me on the phone a couple of times.

It felt SO GOOD to come home, take a shower, and fix myself a tuna sandwich, and sleep in my own bed. I was just so grateful to have my little ritual, pathetic as it was, to return to.

Youve had a lot of time to prepare for this, lay in some easy to fix groceries, put clean sheets on the bed, wash towels, stack up some tp. Have you seen about having a visiting nurse?

Plus we will be here for you.

Actually I did think about hiring a nurse - I contacted a patient assistant company and they wanted to do a minimum of four hours a day. I wasn’t sure what they’d be doing for that long - it ain’t heart surgery. I’m just worried about bleeding or having the bandage come off after I get home 😳 I should be okay after the first couple of days. I worried about staying active because I need to lose some weight - it’s causing problems. I can’t just lay on the couch for a month. Like I said losing my independence would be horrible and hard to cope with. The doctor didn’t think being alone was going to be that big of a deal. Easy for him to say 😱 Yeah I probably will be in touch quite a bit just to my mind occupied. Thanks everybody!

Healing will burn up some calories. Doing things one handed will also burn up some extra calories, just because of the ineptness. Then also, i find myself in a different headspace when im ill - somehow not in the mood to scarf down a sleeve of cookies when your mortality is kicking you in the butt!

Hang in there. I like unalunas suggestions of preparing everything ahead of time so you set for awhile. We are here for you, and will be thinking about you.

We’re you by yourself? Thanks 🙏

How is it going? Did you have the surgery?

Tomorrow my main concern is being alone afterwards - the first day anyway. Thanks!

Macd123;
I hope everything goes well. I am sure it will go much smoother than you think.
I wish you the best luck.
I am sorry that you will be alone afterwards, which concerns me a little. But, as I said, I believe that things will go smooth and you will not need much help from anyone.
You will have your independence back very soon. I promise. In the mean while, I hope you can find a way to keep us (not sure if you can type) updated about your recovery.
Good luck

Just make sure you have Uber set up on your phone to come and get you in case you need to go back to the hospital. The dr should give you a set of instructions, like what to do if your temp gets too high. Youll probably just be sleeping from pain meds. Thats the other thing - try to "stay ahead" of the pain. Its easier to keep the pain at a lower level, than it is to let it get too high and then try to lower it. But you probably already knew that.

Good luck tomorrow. As suggested in a post above, lay in provisions to make life easy the first few days. If you need to hire someone, anyone with two hands will do. It doesn't have to be a licensed nurse. For a little extra in the tip, a cab driver will carry groceries into the house for you. There's more ways around things than we realize. I bet you'll discover some. Necessity is the mother of invention.

Thanks everybody - I’ve never felt more alone and that’s saying a lot. I like life through it all and I just want to be okay. I hope people who have somebody really appreciate them - someday they may be your savior. Peace and into the quiet I go.....really I do have a good sense of humor 😎😎😎 Oh yeah I called my doctor like three times because I mistake of taking Advil last night - I didn’t do it intentionally I just forgot. I’m hoping everything is okay but I may have ****ed up. Thanks

Will you be going for any rehab afterwards?

Yes - one week after the operation. And then every week for two months.... I’ll be so glad when I get to the point where they take the cast off and let my arm free again 😁😁😁

There’s much more underlying insecurities that play into this mess. Sure there is fear, much fear, but there also is the other scars and the humiliation you must endure because of the path you’ve taken. And now it is more haunting than ever - where does the strength come from... is there anything left is the one million dollar question. Peace

Hugs.... Take care of yourself!