[seesaw]

I'm just ranting and venting here...I am so frustrated with men online. It seems like every time I message a man, within like two messages, like "hi" and "what are you up to tonight?" the messages become sexual in nature or sexually suggestive. Like even if I wanted to flirt, the guy hasn't even told me anything about him or said anything that makes me feel flirty about him, so I'm like, um, next.

I'm not one of those that needs to chat for 3 weeks before meeting up. I like to get some basic information and get a feeling for whether or not he's safe or unsafe before meeting up in a public place, where I can better vet him. I'm not against sex or anything of that kind. I'm not against being flirty in messages or chat either.

But like, why would i just jump into having a sexually explicit conversation with an absolute stranger? You might as well be a bot.

I know and believe there are men out there who are not so immature or aren't players like this. I've even become less judgmental about the fact that men really seem to have no ability to market themselves in their online profiles.

But I just get so irritated when I send a nice message to a man and then it's all sexual in nature.

And before all the questions and judgment start, my profile specifically states I'm looking for a long-term relationship, that I don't sext, and that I'm not sharing any naked pics of myself. I'm point blank honest about what I'm not interested in on my profile.

It's just frustrating.

Seesaw

[GrandMasterJamJam]

I understand what you're going through, but keep your head up and your heart open, there's someone for you out there who's not a complete creep.

[divine1966]

I tend to think those are specific dating sites. Does it happen always on the same site or any sites? Are these free sites? From what I am reading and hearing on here and overall these things happen more likely on free sites. Men who aren’t seriously inclined are more likely to be on free sites for no serious reasons. They’d not pay for meeting women.

There are most definitely good men out there and you meet one. You are a total catch.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I tend to think those are specific dating sites. Does it happen always on the same site or any sites? Are these free sites? From what I am reading and hearing on here and overall these things happen more likely on free sites. Men who aren’t seriously inclined are more likely to be on free sites for no serious reasons. They’d not pay for meeting women.

There are most definitely good men out there and you meet one. You are a total catch.

Yes, they are on free sites, but I'm not very interested in the paid sites or upgrades. I've tried them before and with about the same results. I need to try the speed dating thing again.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Yes, they are on free sites, but I'm not very interested in the paid sites or upgrades. I've tried them before and with about the same results. I need to try the speed dating thing again.

I always wanted to try speed dating in my dating years, they were just never offered at the right time but I think that would be a great idea. If they are offered in your area I’d certainly try those! Especially since it sounds you tried those before and are familiar with the concept .

Are there single meetups in your area? There are ton in mine and I know women who met nice guys on those. I’ve never tried them, I use meetups for finding female friendships only but I heard “single” ones are a good idea.

I know you said no paid sites but if you ever change your mind: eharmony wouldn’t allow anyone message you until you approve of them. And guys who just want sex unlikely would jump through the hoops to just be able to talk about sexual stuff. It feels like a much safer site than others simply because of no direct access to people

I know you were not really asking for suggestions so you can disregard it. Just thinking aloud. I am up half a night with migraine ugh so I might be talking nonsense. But I hear you on this whole dating business.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I always wanted to try speed dating in my dating years, they were just never offered at the right time but I think that would be a great idea. If they are offered in your area I’d certainly try those! Especially since it sounds you tried those before and are familiar with the concept .

Are there single meetups in your area? There are ton in mine and I know women who met nice guys on those. I’ve never tried them, I use meetups for finding female friendships only but I heard “single” ones are a good idea.

I know you said no paid sites but if you ever change your mind: eharmony wouldn’t allow anyone message you until you approve of them. And guys who just want sex unlikely would jump through the hoops to just be able to talk about sexual stuff. It feels like a much safer site than others simply because of no direct access to people

I know you were not really asking for suggestions so you can disregard it. Just thinking aloud. I am up half a night with migraine ugh so I might be talking nonsense. But I hear you on this whole dating business.

The free site I use won't allow men to message me until I've like them either. Even guys who seem decent jump right into sexual innuendo and stuff. I was chatting with one guy, and he kept making innuendos, and I was trying to get to know him. So I flat out told him to stop doing that. That I don't know him, it's not making him cute or attractive, etc. He said okay, and apologized, and acted normal for like 2 seconds. Then started doing it again. I stopped responding. Still, every now and then he tries to send me some overly sexual flirty message and I just ignore it.

I want to be clear that I'm not talking about flirtatious talk here. I'm talking about outright sexual innuendo or worse outright sexual talk.

[divine1966]

Gee. What inappropriate jerks. How frustrating.

Yeah it’s a little different on eharmony as you have to go back and forth with indirect communication like questionnaires and surveys etc before person could even send you direct message. It takes like a week of back and forth indirect communication. I know some people hate how it’s set up as you have to be patient to be able to eventually talk to a person directly, but I have only good things to say. It eliminates jerks who only want sex plus it’s way too pricey just for that. Not too many men, if any, would pay that much to have sex talk.

[winter loneliness]

I get this all the time. And I paid on a few sites.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Gee. What inappropriate jerks. How frustrating.

Yeah it’s a little different on eharmony as you have to go back and forth with indirect communication like questionnaires and surveys etc before person could even send you direct message. It takes like a week of back and forth indirect communication. I know some people hate how it’s set up as you have to be patient to be able to eventually talk to a person directly, but I have only good things to say. It eliminates jerks who only want sex plus it’s way too pricey just for that. Not too many men, if any, would pay that much to have sex talk.

I am on a very tight budget. Maybe if that changes I will try eHarmony. I might try some meet ups instead.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by seesaw

I am on a very tight budget. Maybe if that changes I will try eHarmony. I might try some meet ups instead.

It’s absolutely understandable. It’s not cheap. Plus they make you pay for like 6 months and don’t refund your money. I was on there for a month but had to pay for all six.

Meetups could be fun even if not for dating and some cost no money at all. Someone I know met her boyfriend on walking meetup. All that group did is met at the parks and walked. Nice people too, I walked with them once as her guest. Didn’t cost a penny.

[DanceEngine7]

I had one of those last week. would say "do you want more kids? oh it would be fun trying anyway. lol" I ended up giving him my number for the heck of it. He texted me all this stuff about how "large" he is, etc. I played along with it. Then I blocked him. lol

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by DanceEngine7

I had one of those last week. would say "do you want more kids? oh it would be fun trying anyway. lol" I ended up giving him my number for the heck of it. He texted me all this stuff about how "large" he is, etc. I played along with it. Then I blocked him. lol

Oh boy. He is so sophisticated, NOT.

[seesaw]

Yeah, I think my favorite messages were "I want to wreck you." and "I bottom out in most girls." (I actually had to look up bottoming out.)

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Yeah, I think my favorite messages were "I want to wreck you." and "I bottom out in most girls." (I actually had to look up bottoming out.)

Oh my I don’t want to know. I can make a guess though. It’s all in his dreams though. Terrible

[Artchic528]

Please don't use eHarmony. It's a scam. You spend a good 15-20 minutes filling out form after form only to be told there are no matches available at this time, and no way to change any search parameters or anything. I couldn't even find a single way to see if I could pay for a membership (not that I wanted to at this point), to see if it would change anything.

One of the worst money grubbing scam sites out there. If you want to try an ACTUAL dating site that has merit and actually gives you something to look at matches wise, use Match.com.

Oh, and BTW, the free sites like OKCupid and Tinder are primarily for casual sex. I guess you get what you pay for, eh? XD

[Carmina]

I keep dipping into OKC - it is supposed to be for more serious relationships (otherwise why ask all those detailed questions?) not just casual sex, most of the posters I see apart from the obvious scammers (it seems infested with DirtyTinder scammers) do not appear to be players - they also just don't seem that interested in me. Had a few likes but they seem to go nowhere, and tbh I am full of doubt about my own ability to sustain a relationship emotionally, but I do also feel lonely and in need of love (emotionally and sexually), so I dip in and out periodically, torn between those 2 things.

Speaking as a male I certainly do not do the whole penis pics and gross comments thing, I'm actually pro feminist and deplore men who do that sort of thing.

[ArcheM]

I am guilty as charged. Not right now, but several years ago when I used an online-dating site, and one single girl replied, I did kind of go slightly sexual innuendo-mode. Although I don't remember it very well right now, and it might have been just excited unintelligible gibbering.

Eh, I don't know why, but I'm interested in what the site that only allows women to initiate contact is. I suppose I'll just go look at it out of curiosity.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by ArcheM

I am guilty as charged. Not right now, but several years ago when I used an online-dating site, and one single girl replied, I did kind of go slightly sexual innuendo-mode. Although I don't remember it very well right now, and it might have been just excited unintelligible gibbering.

Eh, I don't know why, but I'm interested in what the site that only allows women to initiate contact is. I suppose I'll just go look at it out of curiosity.

Bumble. That’s what I heard. It’s kind of like tinder

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Please don't use eHarmony. It's a scam. You spend a good 15-20 minutes filling out form after form only to be told there are no matches available at this time, and no way to change any search parameters or anything. I couldn't even find a single way to see if I could pay for a membership (not that I wanted to at this point), to see if it would change anything.

One of the worst money grubbing scam sites out there. If you want to try an ACTUAL dating site that has merit and actually gives you something to look at matches wise, use Match.com.

Oh, and BTW, the free sites like OKCupid and Tinder are primarily for casual sex. I guess you get what you pay for, eh? XD

Match does have a larger pool to chose from but also has ton of scammers. eharnony has smaller pool but I don’t see how it’s a scam.

I’ve met my husband on it and talked to other high quality men. It maybe depends on your area.

My husband had to expend his search because there was almost no one in his area (he lived in a Podunk in a middle of nowhere lol). I am not saying you live in a middle of nowhere, just that your area maybe didn’t have particular men you wanted. If it was a scam I’d doubt people kept coming back to it willing to pay

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Match does have a larger pool to chose from but also has ton of scammers. eharnony has smaller pool but I don’t see how it’s a scam.

I’ve met my husband on it and talked to other high quality men. It maybe depends on your area.

My husband had to expend his search because there was almost no one in his area (he lived in a Podunk in a middle of nowhere lol). I am not saying you live in a middle of nowhere, just that your area maybe didn’t have particular men you wanted. If it was a scam I’d doubt people kept coming back to it willing to pay

I have tried Match in the past, and paid for it, and it was just as much a hook-up site as all the rest.

I could potentially try Match again, only because I notice it has a lot more tools now than it used to, but I think the biggest problem now is that OK Cupid has changed its messaging to where you both have to like each other first to receive any messages. This was done to protect women from the thousands of unwanted messages they get each day. And I get that, but it's not the same for men. A lot of men say they never get messaged. And they may not have liked you because they only look at their matches that are based on their specific search criteria. I know I often look at the Quick Matches, which are based on your quiz answers and not on search filters, and find there are quite a few men that I end up liking. So I think OKC has shut themselves in the foot by making that a site-wide policy and not by making it a male only policy.

But that's just my opinion.

Seesaw

[luvyrself]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Gee. What inappropriate jerks. How frustrating.

Yeah it’s a little different on eharmony as you have to go back and forth with indirect communication like questionnaires and surveys etc before person could even send you direct message. It takes like a week of back and forth indirect communication. I know some people hate how it’s set up as you have to be patient to be able to eventually talk to a person directly, but I have only good things to say. It eliminates jerks who only want sex plus it’s way too pricey just for that. Not too many men, if any, would pay that much to have sex talk.

—-I found a lot of men on eharmony trying to sell securities. I don’t even have a lot of money.

[bpforever1]

I am staying away from online dating sites and so far am happy. Of course, I met my online man who I met and am still in contact. We are in a LDR and it is going well so far. Actually, right now, I am happy to be in a LDR because I am too busy with other things in my life. I don't know if we will meet again soon though. I like him as a person and vice versa. But, we are in different countries. And, he has been good about his alcohol intake because he has been busy with work flying all over the country. I am happy for him and hope for the best. But, truthfully, I don't like online dating sites because you never know what you may get. Like Forrest Gump said,"Life is like a box of chocolates." I am really happy to be off the online dating sites. I wasted so much time on them. However, I can't say it is all bad because my online man has turned out to be ok.

[ArcheM]

Originally Posted by seesaw

I have tried Match in the past, and paid for it, and it was just as much a hook-up site as all the rest.

I could potentially try Match again, only because I notice it has a lot more tools now than it used to, but I think the biggest problem now is that OK Cupid has changed its messaging to where you both have to like each other first to receive any messages. This was done to protect women from the thousands of unwanted messages they get each day. And I get that, but it's not the same for men. A lot of men say they never get messaged. And they may not have liked you because they only look at their matches that are based on their specific search criteria. I know I often look at the Quick Matches, which are based on your quiz answers and not on search filters, and find there are quite a few men that I end up liking. So I think OKC has shut themselves in the foot by making that a site-wide policy and not by making it a male only policy.

But that's just my opinion.

Seesaw

Quite honestly, to me that system sounds great. I mean, maybe too progressive right now, because I think we're sort of moving away from a society where a man is a hunter and a woman is a prey, but we're a long way off... I could almost get hyped for it, if I had any interest in meeting people at all.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by ArcheM

Quite honestly, to me that system sounds great. I mean, maybe too progressive right now, because I think we're sort of moving away from a society where a man is a hunter and a woman is a prey, but we're a long way off... I could almost get hyped for it, if I had any interest in meeting people at all.

Hyped to get messages from women or not get messages from women? Your response was unclear.

[ArcheM]

Er. More like hyped to join it again. (Or maybe reactivate my account? I'm not sure how it works.) I didn't even think as far as messages.