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  #26  
Old Feb 01, 2018, 06:53 AM
Anonymous445852
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It's not ok with me to have his addiction come first, but it is clear to me that is how it would be if I stay with him. He's lost women before, I believe, from what he's told me, due to his addictions and finances. .
What if I like the new guy more? What will I do? He's giving me time and waiting patiently for me to have a break from dating.
Thanks for this!
Rose76

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  #27  
Old Feb 01, 2018, 08:07 AM
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by disparaissant View Post
It's not ok with me to have his addiction come first, but it is clear to me that is how it would be if I stay with him. He's lost women before, I believe, from what he's told me, due to his addictions and finances. .
What if I like the new guy more? What will I do? He's giving me time and waiting patiently for me to have a break from dating.
Then take a break from your bf and just think about things, get in touch with yourself.

Aside from your bfs addiction issue, he doesn’t treat you well.
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Anonymous445852
  #28  
Old Feb 01, 2018, 08:13 AM
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76 View Post
What if you start to really like the new guy? Do you find him attractive? Are you open to the possibility that dating him "as a friend" might lead to something more? If that were to happen, then what course would you follow?

It sounds like you do not want to end involvement with the first guy, until - and unless - you have another relationship established. You don't sound too happy with your boyfriend. But I get the impression that the main thing you want to avoid is not having "a boyfriend." Like any guy is better than no guy. That's an approach that a lot of women take. I haven't seen it lead to happiness, but I guess it's a strategy for avoiding being alone.

I stuck with a guy who had a substance abuse habit. In retrospect, I'm not sure that was wise of me - even though he quit. I wouldn't recommend it. We all end up paying for our mistakes. I feel like I'm paying for mine and for his too.

I came to feel that being with someone seriously flawed was better than being alone. (By seriously flawed, I don't mean imperfect, which is true of all human beings. I mean flawed to where his life was just an ongoing mess.) Maybe that's your outlook, too.

The problem with hanging on to a deeply dissatisfying relationship is that it crowds out other possibilities - as you are finding. But, if you end it, there's no guarantee something better will come along.
Yes, I always had and wanted a bf. I played with the boys on my street at 4, we played house. They were my bfs. I was kissed by my parents’ friend’s son also nearly that young, really, passionately kissed...and our parents thought it was so cute they took movies of it. I was encouraged to have bfs by my mom, I guess.

Once I wanted independence, a bf to support me financially was the only option because I didn’t earn enough. Then I would start my life doing whatever direction that took me. I know I’m totally capable, at least smart enough, to earn my own living, probably earn a good living by myself, but I always did do this with having to have a man.

Just saying... IDK why really. But, when they are great, they are really, really great. Why wouldn’t I always want a man to love and have good times with, be life partners together with?

P.s. Also, I think I have ADHD/OCD and I do have problems with sticking to things work related. Because I don’t have to? Because I have a man?
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. About Me--T
Thanks for this!
Patagonia
  #29  
Old Feb 01, 2018, 10:44 AM
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Rose76 Rose76 is offline
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What is he addicted to? Is it mainly weed and beer?

I think, by definition, an addict always prioritizes the addiction. That's pretty much what addiction is.
  #30  
Old Feb 01, 2018, 10:09 PM
Anonymous445852
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Cannabis, gambling, and not lots of alcohol but occasionally he over does that too.
  #31  
Old Feb 01, 2018, 10:45 PM
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Rose76 Rose76 is offline
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Gambling is an extremely hard addiction to live with. I've known two compulsive gamblers in my life. They will bleed others anyway they can to maximize their ability to gamble. That explains his stinginess. I'm glad you recognize that his addictions will come first. This is why I've said before that he won't find too many takers, among women, for what he offers. This is why he has been single and available. Few women will stay with a man like that. But he's all yours, if you want him. I'ld pass.
  #32  
Old Feb 02, 2018, 12:07 AM
Molinit Molinit is offline
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I have no idea what you want to hear, but you definitely seem like you came here wanting to hear something specific. Do whatever you want.
  #33  
Old Feb 02, 2018, 01:38 AM
Macd123 Macd123 is offline
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I’m sorry what qualities does your boyfriend have that are so attractive? He’s got serious problems and he’s rude - is that what your looking for in a partner? This whole thing seems a bit unreal....I’d definately re-evaluate my relationship status if I had to deal with all this crap!
  #34  
Old Feb 02, 2018, 12:07 PM
Anonymous445852
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It's ok mac. Sorry I said you judged me. I came here for others perspectives and because guilt is an emotion I deal with daily, to the extreme. Raised by a strict Christian family, so my values are still there but my options are fewer as a 50 year old woman. Good men can be very hard to find. I put too much effort in, trying to hang on to what I think is love. I just need to make myself take time alone.
Thanks for this!
Patagonia
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