Satisfaction in relationships (TMI) (Personal)

Are you sexually satisfied in your relationship? Or relationships? I've been having issues with this for awhile now and I'm just trying to understand what is happening or if things will be like this forever. My husband and I have been married for a little over 4 years now. Most of the time I feel like he is not attracted to me anymore but he denies it. I feel like I have a relatively normal sex drive but his is non existent. He uses the excuse of being tired all the time. He never comes on to me anymore and most of the time I'm rejected with some excuse about the timing or he's tired. I've even talked with him about my need for affection and just physical intimacy but nothing has really changed. Also when things do happen sexual, he finishes and then I'm pretty much left to finish myself. He has fallen asleep on me sever times after while he's supposed to be helping me. He just says all the time it's because we are getting older and this is what happens in relationships, but I refuse to accept that. He's only 24 and I'm 26. I don't consider that old. Definitely not old enough for the sexual intimacy to have died in my relationship. I feel dread when I think about it being this way for the rest of my life. He won't be in an open or poly relationship either, we have talked about this. I love him so much but this part of our relationship is really affected. It affects me mentally because I'm not getting much sexual intimacy or physical intimacy from him. There is also a lack of emotional intimacy as well. He is not very open emotionally with me or anyone. Im having a very hard time even understanding our relationship anymore. So I just wanted to know how others relationships are going as far as sexual satisfaction after awhile of being together. Is there still intensity for one another or does it always dwindle? I understand having different sex drives but what do you do when a partners sex drive has disappeared just about or they don't seem that interested in you that way even though they voice otherwise?

tbh I've left people over bad sex. Me and my husband have been together over 13 years and the sex is still great though. Sometimes we get in a funk where either one of us is not up for it and the other one is, but it goes both ways sometimes. My husband is 38 and I'm 33 and we've both been slowing down a bit though. Maybe surprise him in the morning if you wake up before him? I do that sometimes. Just a suggestion.

Yes I have tried surprises. I've tried a few things before. Don't seem to do the trick anymore.

It sounds like the overall relationship, not just sex, lately has not been what it once was.

That is very true as well. My husband just sums it up to us getting older and because his job has him so tired. I'm starting to feel like I'm the reason for most problems we have. I know that if I don't bring up my feelings about things we have a better time together. So lately I've tried not to think too much about or into my feelings. When I have gone a week without complaining about something or talking about whatever I usually would have, things have been better for that week. No arguments and he seemed happier. I just distract myself with games or something else. That only works in short spurts though as feelings tend to eventually come up again. Always from me.

I would take couple counselling into consideration. It seems like you would need it. Not sure he's going to agree, though..

No he won't do that. I go to therapy and group for myself though.

You might read up on the "Honeymoon" period of a relationship if you haven't already.

Old??? You are YOUNG and this is not a result of your age. I think my husband started treating me like that when he started having an affair. Sometimes certain meds can put a damper on sex drives. Is he on meds?

Is it possible he is having an affair? He is 24. I am yet to meet. A 24-year- old not wanting sex. He’d have sex even if he didn’t have feelings for you at 24. Is he out of the house a lot? Gone on the weekends? Comes home late? If he NEVER wants sex with you, he likely getting it elsewhere.

It is completely reasonable to have feelings about what you are describing, and you are entitled to bring them up and try to address and resolve them.

No meds.

He does work a lot so yes he's gone a lot. I sometimes suspect an affair but mostly out of jealousy or envy. I have asked for an open relationship, open marriage twice now and both times he's been very much against. I do feel like if we split up and he had someone else, he would put a lot of energy into the new person. Energy that I wish he'd give me and our relationship. I still have that energy and I try to give it to him but he's not taking all of it.