[sarahj22]

Hey, so I’m 22, female and very freaked out and confused for a while now. I have a cousin that’s a year younger than me, and I spent some time with him last time I went out of town a few months ago... after a week of hanging out, and me being on my way back to town, I was thinking about my week out there with him and some other family members and when I looked back on the time me and him spent together I realized I had flirted with him a few times over the course of the week... I didn’t even realize I was doing it at first, and then after rehashing more of the time I spent with him, realized I kind of had a crush... on my cousin!! but I’ve been trying to find answers, and try to figure out what’s going on and so far have been unsuccessful. I guess I’m just trying to get to the root of this whole thing. Why it’s happening, how not normal it is, how to get it out of my head.

Hello Sarahj22. I see that this is your first post to the forum. I'm glad that you are 'here.'

[TishaBuv]

Hi Sarah,

Welcome to PC!

There’s an old expression “kissin’ cousins”. You’re not the first and it’s not that unusual to feel what you feel. Is he your first cousin? Meaning like the son of your mother’s brother? Then, you can’t get married.

You are probably embarrassed, and he probably does not reciprocate those feelings, so I can see why you’d want to work through this.

It’s good to talk it through here where people will give you advice and opinions and you can decide what’s best to do.

[MickeyCheeky]

Well, he's your cousin, so it can't really work out I guess.. sorry. I suppose just try to forget him and see him as little as you can.

Well, I have never met any of my cousins, not really. Just friends on FB/ig. So they are like strangers. Some of them I didn't even realize existed until I was in my mid teens. I have a older male cousin who is pretty attractive and has a good personality. I probably would get a crush on him if we actually met. It doesn't mean anything. Just... don't act on it? I mean, you could, but it might be emotionally complicated for you if you're already feeling guilty. You must have a very built up sense of what family is, and that's a good thing. How long have you known your cousin? If you're really feeling bad about it, just avoid him or find a flaw. I wouldn't recommend acting on it.

[sarahj22]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Hi Sarah,


Welcome to PC!


There’s an old expression “kissin’ cousins”. You’re not the first and it’s not that unusual to feel what you feel. Is he your first cousin? Meaning like the son of your mother’s brother? Then, you can’t get married.


You are probably embarrassed, and he probably does not reciprocate those feelings, so I can see why you’d want to work through this.


It’s good to talk it through here where people will give you advice and opinions and you can decide what’s best to do.

He’s my second cousin I think, the son of my mothers dads brother lol it would be great to be able to work through it, I’ve found myself thinking about it a lot lately, and it’s not so much bothering me, or grossing me out as much as it just seems weird and feels weird. We used to spend some time together as babies, but then I moved away, and I came to visit nearly 10 summers ago, and that’s when we actually met for real, then we moved back home that year, but October of last year was the first time I’d seen him in over 9 years.

I think it might have something to do with the fact that he is so easy to talk to, I can tell him anything and he’ll help me out through it, or give me some advice, we talk every single day on the phone, and it’s just refreshing to have someone I can consider a friend since I’ve never really had friends before. And he’s polite, and such a gentleman, and he can relate to a lot of things that I also can.

[Macd123]

No second cousins - they’re out of bounds 😳

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by Macd123

No second cousins - they’re out of bounds 😳

It depends on your family’s opinions, I guess. In some cultures it’s fairly common to marry cousins. Sometimes people will marry their late sister’s husband for example.

I also know a couple who married. They were step brother and sister and raised together as siblings from being teens, then married. They were not blood relatives.

Second cousins are legal to marry.

The illegal reason for not marrying first cousins is because the genetics mixing can damage the baby.

“Cousin couples have only a slightly higher incidence of birth defects than non-related couples. 26 states allow first cousin marriages; most people can marry their cousin in the US. US prohibitions against cousin marriages predate modern genetics. No European country prohibits marriage between first cousins.”

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by sarahj22

He’s my second cousin I think, the son of my mothers dads brother lol it would be great to be able to work through it, I’ve found myself thinking about it a lot lately, and it’s not so much bothering me, or grossing me out as much as it just seems weird and feels weird. We used to spend some time together as babies, but then I moved away, and I came to visit nearly 10 summers ago, and that’s when we actually met for real, then we moved back home that year, but October of last year was the first time I’d seen him in over 9 years.

I think it might have something to do with the fact that he is so easy to talk to, I can tell him anything and he’ll help me out through it, or give me some advice, we talk every single day on the phone, and it’s just refreshing to have someone I can consider a friend since I’ve never really had friends before. And he’s polite, and such a gentleman, and he can relate to a lot of things that I also can.

As for your relationship, it sounds like you are very close and really care for each other. There’s no shame in having a little crush on him, it’s understandable. Take time and don’t worry about it.

[sarahj22]

He’s very good to me, in a completely innocent way, he sent out a little care package for me with a salt lamp cause he knows how much I stress lol we do care for each other, he looks out for me, always makes sure I’m okay. We are very close, very good friends. I consider us more friends than family. I’ve relaxed a little, the overwhelming bit is over.

[magicalprince]

I think you need to be gentle with yourself and understand and accept your feelings. Obviously you don't want anything to happen with him given that he is family, but it's OK to have feelings. A lot of people think and feel "taboo" things and it can be pretty normal to feel them. As long as you don't worry about it too much it shouldn't be a problem.

[Open Eyes]

Actually, this is not unusual because an attraction can take place on a biological level that isn't even recognized. They have discovered how this can take place even between a daughter and father that were estranged for many years that finally met only to get very confused by finding they both experienced a strong attraction towards each other that deeply confused both of them. Then when they reached out for help it was explained to them how this can happen where their bodies were picking up on the pheromones that they both had that were a match that they were not at all aware of.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pheromone