Moving Out?

Maybe I’ll just rest here for now then go look at apartments later. The friend who wants the sandwich, really, really wants us to buy her a sandwich. She’s a piece of work herself. Honestly, her motivation for calling and caring is that we should buy her food.

What about going to see your friend? Would she pick you up since you just took a Percocet? One Percocet will likely not put you under. If you get away from your H every Saturday (you say you always fight) that will provide some relief. I have physical pain--my exit wound--distraction, drugs and sleep are the best way to escape it....

Why not suggest that the friend buy you a sandwich for once?

You need a healthy escape every Saturday whether it is a planned activity or your own apartment.....Or maybe tell him to go see his parents every Saturday. To bad he is not a hunter of something like that. Men who hunt leave for long periods of time.....

I can’t emphasize enough to young girls to never allow yourself to be financially dependent on a man. Not being able to leave because one can’t support themselves is a dangerous place to be. It opens doors to abuse and mistreatment of women.

My daughter lost her husband a year and a half ago and although it was devastating emotionally she didn’t have to move, downsize, go live with someone else etc Her life went just the same in that regard.

Dependence is scary.

But in your situation if you start working, any kind of job and add spousal support to it, you can make it.

Your friend is full of it. So you must stay for money? Being with men for money..really?

I also think it’s terrible for your son watching you living in miserable marriage. It’s a bad example for a kid.

Tisha, you mentioned that you are on SSDI (?) Have you figured out what you might get in the amount of child support if you were to divorce your husband?

Despite all your bad experiences--consider trying another. Try to get to know them before opening up. You have said many of the Ts you have gone to have made you cry. I think this is because you have trauma you need to deal with. With trauma--processing it makes you feel worse but then when you think about it again--your feelings eventually get a little less intense. Though sometimes you think you have gotten past it then it can come back unexpectantly but usually not as intensely as when you first discussed it. That you are afraid of trying is one of your symptoms. You can quit anytime.

She never said she is on SSDI. She’d likely get spousal support in addition to child support as her husband was a sole provider most of the time. My husband pats ton of spousal support to his ex as she never held full time job.

Thanks! I must have read that on a someone else's thread. It does go to show though that one does not have to stay in a bad marriage just because they don't or can't hold a job.

I asked him to move out. Here we go again!

He took our son out for the day...good.

It makes logical sense. My son wants to stay in the house and go to his school. I am the primary care giver, so I stay where he stays. So off h has to go.

I am embarrassed and appalled at how dysfunctional we are and at the level of success that my h is at.

Yes, my upbringing and attitude about money is coo coo. And I don’t even spend much, very low key, color and CUT my own hair, do my own nails, kids in public school, old cars.

I think I have an ulcer now from the meds and little food. I feel like crap.

She’s a user. This is my life-long friend. She wouldn’t make the effort to drive the half hour over to me to help me. I once asked her to when I OD’d and she told me to drive myself to a walk=in clinic. Today I asked her to come over and help me get an apartment. She said no, come buy me a sandwich.

That’s my dear life-long friend.

If your husband is willing to move out at your request--you are so lucky that he is willing to give you this much control of the situation.

I hope your back/neck (forgot which one) heals soon. When you are on Percocet too long it can push you into depression when the high wears off.

Money causes so much anxiety for many (I have been there). Your health is more important.

No. You have known her all of your life. She is a user, not your friend. Friendships are not one sided. Time for you to kick trash to the curb.

What kind of friend is she? That’s not a friend

I am not sure I understand about care giving. Your son is 15. How much care giving does he need (unless of course we are talking about some health problems).

True. He needs less and less from me. I’ve trained him to clean, light cook, he’ll be driving soon.

But I really wouldn’t leave him. I’d hate myself for doing that. I love him and want to see him every day. I want him with me until he finishes HS.

She’s another difficult button-pressing person I’ve learned how to keep at just the right distance. There have been periods of years where i defriended her, but we eventually made up. Now, we are in the home stretch of life. I understand just what she is and what she is not.

She’s mostly a text/phone friend. She’s so obnoxious in public, we very rarely go out with her.

When I defriended her, it is because she really crossed the line of not being a friend. Yet, I remain friends trying to walk the tightrope of balance.

I keep friends who I know would stab me in the back and use me. I stayed with a h who I know doesn’t make me feel good in delusional hopes that he will change, or I will grow out of my soul’s desires and instead developed a panic disorder.

I just had a lousy 5 minute conversation with my mother. She called ranting about how her grandson sent her a link to join some group against gun control and she was going to send them a donation, but she researched them and the phone message said she reached The Department of Agriculture, so she’s furious that it was a scam, yada yada yada...

She had woken me because I’ve been depressed in bed all day (no drugs), and I yawned while she was talking. “Am I boring you?” She gnarled. Whatever I said about her story miffed her, I found myself saying, “I don’t know and I don’t care about sending donations to these stupid political groups, as though that will do something.” She said “well, you were never civic minded” and that was the whole call. Bam

I do have some nice, positive friends. I will try to reach out more to healthier people.

No surprise, he didn’t respect me. He came in late with our son and asked if I would be ok with him sleeping in the other bedroom. I know there is no where else for him to go tonight, and he purposely planned it this way. So he’s in the house, in the other bedroom.

Meanwhile, I can’t talk to my two gf’s about it any more because they are texting me about how they don’t believe that I’m really ending it and won’t respect my boundaries when I asked them to stop texting me and I am sorry I said anything to them— but they call and see what’s going on and then they ask!

The one really bad gf asked when will it be ok for her to pursue him now?

Don't text those friends back.

I want to say that I am going to give you more space. I consider myself not completely stable right now and have posted and PM'ed you way too much. You are just too nice! You are appreciated but I am not going to abuse you with my stuff for a while. Nothing permanent. It's just that I think you are struggling in your own way and maybe need a calmer, saner perspective.

Why are you calling them friends? They all sound horrid. What kind of friend even jokes about pursuing your husband?

Please don’t feel that you ever annoy me! I like you, sharing with you our similar situations, and hearing from you.

And I wrote back “ha ha”, and she replied, “no really, how long do I have to wait?” She is beyond horrid.

One of the hallmarks of BPD is unstable, strange relationships. She is one who falls into that category. My thing, is that I gravitate to kookier people as friends because I enjoy them, they are fun and interesting, I get bored easily from ‘normies’. So, that is my attraction to her. She is hilariously funny, but in a Don Rickles way.

She’s the kind of person who cuts you down while acting like she’s joking.

The other friend is very sweet, she means well. We recently became close again.

I think I’ve handled some people, who just aren’t good people, in a good way.

I understand what it means to be a friend. I’ve been a good wife and mother. I treat people fairly and respectfully.

Anyway- my caustic friend is the least of my problems. Screw her.

Mr. Man already started with me the minute I opened my eyes, slipping into bed with me, sweet talking about how he should have done this before.

So humiliating!

I calmly told him to get off me.

Now what do I do today? Do I move out, throw him out, stay in the house as Japanese fighting fish?

It’s too overwhelming. I’m backing down and cowering in the corner. Is this all just PTSD? I’m slipping into isolation depression.

I don’t blame anyone on here who hates me and is sick of me. Please just ignore me. I like to write out these documentations.

As the scroll goes by with new posts, I will disappear from view.