What do you call this behavior? Is he being crazy? (text pics included)

So a little background here:

I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 6 years, and I am 12 weeks pregnant with his child (our only child). He lives in the UK while I live in the USA, but we see each other every year. We have a rocky relationship, as I distrust him because I recently found out he cheated on me and is a compulsive liar, both he has admitted to.

Yesterday we had a falling out because I refused to get in a political debate/argument with him, he was going on and on about politics and I didn’t want to be involved, so he accused me of being a fence sitter.

He proceeded to attack me about various subjects to incite a reaction from me because I wouldn’t debate. I was too stressed by this point and I was dealing with morning sickness. So he continues to go off on me for 10 minutes afterward because I will not argue with him. He insists I argue, but I just didn’t want to. That frustrated him. So he rants at me for 10 minutes straight and I didn’t reply throughout his rant because I thought it was just hateful.

He started to bring our kid into it randomly. He started making up crazy things about what kind of mother I will potentially be. He even brought up custody. I’m 12 weeks pregnant, mind you, and I hadn’t broken up with him at this point, nor was any of what he was saying applicable. He decided to make up these scenarios. He texted crazy things to me for two hours! What is going onnnn?

I’m just confused.

I appreciate any advice!!

Hello XXIV: I'm sorry you are in the midst of this most difficult situation. Unfortunately, since the two of you will soon have a child together, this is still just the beginning of a long & probably difficult relationship. I wish there were some sage advice I could offer. But I don't believe there is. Perhaps other members, here on PC, will have some similar experiences & suggestions they can share.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of how to handle toxic people & relationships along with links to articles on the subject of personal boundaries:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/whats-...deal-with-one/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/11-thin...-toxic-people/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/child...-toxic-people/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/unsha...-toxic-people/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/lever...-toxic-people/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...amily-members/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-he...ries-in-yours/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/3-ways...ip-boundaries/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-...er-boundaries/

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to continue posting. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

Are these text messages from him? if these are his responses, I am sincerely sorry for both of you....
My only advice, which you should probably have done so long time ago, is to leave him. It is not my place to question as to why you chose to be in this dysfunctional relationship for six years (while only seeing him few times a year) and why you decided to have a child with someone who does not live in the same place and who cheated on you. I am sorry but I cannot see how he will ever be a positive influence in your and your child's life.
I am sorry, I cannot comprehend this behavior at all. It seems self destructive and I am not sure why you are choosing to be with him. I believe that some self reflection will benefit you.

I am very sorry too that you are in such a dysfunctional and toxic situation. It IS dysfunctional and toxic and I agree fully with the above poster. Why you haven't left him already does not make sense. I only had to read the first few texts to see how dysfunctional this relationship is.

Can you rely on family to help you with your child when the time comes? Do you have the means to support yourself and get help from others?

I would leave him. Period. No ifs ands or butts in this situation. He cheated and lies to you. He is also beating you up verbally. It will only get worse and most likely he will cheat again.

I agree with the above.

Please do keep all the texts he sent(s) you.

Is it possible for you to move ? I would be worried about him showing up on the door step one day.

Please be safe

I wish for you to be well, XXIV, and empathize with you tremendously.

After reading your post and the text messages in your attached pics, you seem to be a victim of both emotional and psychological abuse. Please take a moment to attempt to consider that.

Abuse and manipulation of any kind is unjustifiable and intolerable. With that said, it also helps to be conscious of what abuse and manipulation he is demonstrating. He is lacking empathy, responsibility and self-blame (as in admitting he is to blame to how ever much of a degree.) He is also gaslighting you, marginalizing (your feelings and views,) dismissing you as the victim (even though you are) and probably other tactics.

Unfortunately, you are confused because he is more than likely attempting to confuse you through emotional and physical abuse, which is ultimately control, specifically controlling you. Evidently, his efforts to control and confuse you are currently successful.

As Skeezysks so kindly indicated, there is a wealth of info online to consult for such aforesaid topics and interconnected topics such as “should a person stay in a toxic relationship,” “what to do if one is married and/or has a kid with a person of ‘toxic’ behavior’” and others.

Please note that I humbly disagree with other members on “not understanding why you have been and are still with someone as he” because it is indeed explainable and, maybe, even justified. You might love him. He might (appear) to love you. Thus, you probably developed a bond with him (even if he were only pretending.) For you, the bond was/is of love, feelings and more. Additionally, the two of you are procreating a child. None of the aforesaid components are “easy,” “simple” and so forth.

The “justification” lies in whether the following applies to you or not. You might find your decisions on your relationship (as in to stay or not and so on) to be extremely difficult because you may have developed a trauma bond with this man. If so, you and your brain are literally biologically addicted to his (possibly feigned) love, his switching between abuse/manipulation and (appearing to) love.

Thus, you might stay with such a person because not only do you maybe love him, but you are also biologically addicted to him and his mistreatment of you. Also, you two are bringing a child into the world, which is nothing to be understated.

Unfortunately, there seems to be more to your boyfriend than merely being psychologically and emotionally abusive and manipulating. You ought to consider what is best for you, your well being, your child, his/her well being and more interconnected concerns.

The choice is yours.

As other members stated, you ought to consider leaving the relationship, leaving him and more. The possibility of staying is indeed an option, but you should think thoroughly about staying (and much, much more.)

As other members also typed, he additionally cheated on you, which exemplifies an issue in trust, whether it is merely of the past or not. Infidelity and other interrelated subjects should also be factors for your decision making.

If you wish for more info on any of the aforesaid topics, I am more than willing to provide links to web articles, medical blogs and other webpages of research.

Save all his texts/letters/emails. Take screenshots, upload them, print then. They’ll come handy when he fights for custody. You’ll be able to show that he is unstable. Also if he starts stalking you, use it in your police report. Don’t delete anything. This man is extremely unstable