In defense of men...

I honestly can say that I appreciate men much more than women. I grew up as an only child in a neighborhood of only guys. They were the only ones to play with. At that age, they were kids to play with & do things with. I didn't think that what they enjoyed was any different that what I enjoyed....I was very happy playing fort, cowboys & indians (politically incorrect in todays world), climbing trees & fences, playing baseball & football in the street, making fireworks with the chemistry set in the garage, riding bikes & skateboarding. To find out I was termed a Tomboy later in life was strange to me because I was just doing the things I liked with the people I liked.

When several girls moved into the neighborhood, I was bored playing dolls & house. There was no action involved in the play & found that I really wasn't interested in playing with them.

I found this to be the case all through my life. In grade school, I would play kickball, dodgeball (how hard can you throw the ball?), softball, volleyball with the guys. It was always much more fun & challenging than hopscotch & jumping in squares. My interests were always more towards what guys were doing. In my day in school, I was forced to take the cooking classes rather than shop classes, so I just lived with it. I did the wood & other hobbies at home in the garage with my Dad who loved doing those things rather than having any interest inside the house. It wasn't that my Dad & I were close because I wasn't really close with either parent.

School & learning was the most important thing in my life because for some reason even as a child, I knew that education would get me a better life than what my parents had. I was always trying to be the best I could be at everything I did which at times would turn into competition with the guys because it seemed that some guys didn't like a "girl" being better than them rather than just working together. I always sat extremely high standards for the things I did. It seemed that I was mostly surrounded by guys rather than girls with all the things I was involved in & was good at, so guys were always my best friends.

Of course, it seemed natural for me to have a career that was a all men at the time. I was a firmware design engineer in the aerospace industry & the only women were the secretaries. I had remembered when I was growing up & trying to figure out what I wanted to do in college, my Mom would always suggest being a secretary or bookkeeper or a nurse or ???? Jokingly, I always told her if I was going to put energy into a career that I should aim for being the president of the company rather than HIS secretary, or the Accountant rather than the bookkeeper, or the Dr rather than the nurse. The guys in my neighborhood all ended up being Dentists, Lawyers, Accountants, so I kept up with the Jone's.

All this said, I found that being around guys was much easier than women. When I would go to parties, the women would be standing in the kitchen talking about food & their children while I was in the front room talking work & sports with the guys. Guys were always easier to relate to. I always had more in common with them or at least I enjoyed talking about those things rather than family, kids & cooking (not that I didn't have that in common too).

The men I have always been around & worked with are just great down to earth people who live simple lives, care for the people around them, their families & if the usually respect other women the way they do me. For some reason, I just feel more comfortable being around men than I do around women.

This being said, the situation is being around them, not living with them. My husband is one of the good guys too & yet after 32 years, the things I have been tolerating are out weighing the good. He is always there & will do anything for you (as long as he wants to) if it's convenient or feel that he has to. He has an extremely high IQ but lacks common sense. He thinks he knows everything & will argue with you about the sillest little things. If I say the sky is blue, he will say no it isn't....it's deep blue or black because it's night....just to have something to prove how much he knows or something? When it comes to money, he doesn't know how to be responsible & will spend money he doesn't have. He would put sale items on credit & brag about how much he saved & then spend 5 times the sales amount because he was paying 21% interest on the credit card.....but he saved so much money???? He doesn't communicate about anything. He decided to spend money on things & wouldn't talk with me first about it so we could decide together.....bam...all of a sudden he invested our money into something...& with both bringing in equal money....it was definitely OUR money & needed to be agreed upon by both. The one thing I absolutely can tolerate is when I ask a question & am ignored completely. Nothing to even indicate that he heard me sometimes standing there with a blank look on his face & I know he hears. It's like he spaces out into another world at times. When I first was out of work (on medical leave) with the anxiety/depression, I would clean the house because we could no longer afford a house keeper & do the yard work. He would come home from work & throw things down. He wouldn't clean up after himself & leave things just laying. I finally got so angry with that, I QUIT doing anything at all & it started pileing up....which is why 13 years later, I have a huge mess to clean up while packing & moving things to Kentucky. He would always say he would get to it tomorrow & tomorrow would never come. Procrastination & lazy is definitely a huge negative.

I have to admit, he was there during my depression & suicidial period, but the suicidial time was because I had lost my career & wasn't happy in the marriage & my career was my escape from the marriage.....catch 22. He was always there however. With my migraines, he would take me to the ER every few days for the demoral shots, knowing they wouldn't let me drive home afterwards. When I was sick with loosing too much weight & passing out, he would make sure I was taken to the hospital & would drive me to Dr appointments when I needed help getting there. When we first got married, we enjoyed backpacking into the Sierra's & into the back country around Jackson Hole Wyo. We would go skiing every year to our time share condo in Jackson Hole & spent lots of time having fun. He was supportive when we did the dog showing & with my horse showing & he is great at taking care of all our doggies & helping out with my horses. He is a very good person even if I have come to a point where I can't tolerate being around him 24/7.

I have come to the point in my life where I need my own space & need to depend on myself to make my own life the way I need to have it.....but it doesn't mean that he isn't a good or nice person.

I don't like men who are agressive & want to force themselves on women....found a few that are that way.....but I know my boundaries & my boundaries are cast in concrete & I make it known in no uncertain terms. I like being friends with guys....just find it much easier than with women most of the time, but the truth is that there are good & bad in both men & women. I find that I allow people into my life that I don't have to work hard at keeping the friendships going & that don't add any drama to my life whether men or women. It's wonderful to keep life simple.

But mostly, I will always keep my doggies & horses around me because even though they take a lot of work to take care of, the unconditional love is unbelievable....something I have never found from a human.....so in all honesty....I'll stick with my 4 legged friends most of all.

Debbie

When I married Clyde...oh, wait, scratch that :P

There are good men, AND good women...thanks LMo for starting this thread, Raynaadi for attempting to do so, and the rest of you for believing there are good people on both sides.

I really think that there is good on both, but of course, it only takes one idiot male or one idiot female (especially if you are married to either one) to screw it up for one person...so there you go

I just wish that all of us had a good man or woman in our life who wasnt selfish...

Yeah! I love men, especially when one or all are kissing my neck.

Ok, seriously....I'm am so glad to see this supportive thread.

Campy

Just thought I'd chime in, too.

I'm lucky to have very unselfish men in my life. My father would do anything to help anyone out - my brother and I especially. My brother is the same way. He spent hours on the phone explaining things to me when I was trying to figure out what digital camera I wanted to purchase (he was supposed to be working on his thesis at the time). My grandfather, uncle, and cousins are always looking out for the women in their lives. Could they do better? Sure, but couldn't we all be a better person if we tried?

My husband is the least selfish person I know. He constantly gives, gives, gives. Most of the time I'm the selfish one. He makes me want to be a better person. He thinks of me whenever he does something and does everything he can do to make me happy. He also tries to compromise with people at work so that everyone is satisfied with the outcome. Sure it takes more work, but it's the right thing to do.

Furthermore, I'm constantly impressed by his colleagues and students. Perhaps it's the military aspect of the school. DH just finished boys soccer for the season and his players are amazing. They always speak when they see me. The never let me carry heavy objects by myself. They open the door for me. They're polite, they're respectful, they're all-around good kids and every single one of them is male.

Sweeping generalizations aren't fair. My cousin's wife moved to a new state and made some comments about the low income "trashy" look of the town. Trust me, there are enough low income "trashy" looking places where she was from. We must always be aware of what we are saying and who we may be hurting when we say it. As a teacher, I'm proud of my students, ALL my students, for their unselfishness. They think of others first and genuinely want to help.

Maybe instead of focusing on the negative, we should focus on the positive things. Choosing to have a positive attitude makes all the difference in the world. I've seen it and experienced it first hand.

I choose to believe people, in general, are kind, decent, and unselfish.

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h0kie said:
Just thought I'd chime in, too.

I'm lucky to have very unselfish men in my life. My father would do anything to help anyone out - my brother and I especially. My brother is the same way. He spent hours on the phone explaining things to me when I was trying to figure out what digital camera I wanted to purchase (he was supposed to be working on his thesis at the time). My grandfather, uncle, and cousins are always looking out for the women in their lives. Could they do better? Sure, but couldn't we all be a better person if we tried?

My husband is the least selfish person I know. He constantly gives, gives, gives. Most of the time I'm the selfish one. He makes me want to be a better person. He thinks of me whenever he does something and does everything he can do to make me happy. He also tries to compromise with people at work so that everyone is satisfied with the outcome. Sure it takes more work, but it's the right thing to do.

Furthermore, I'm constantly impressed by his colleagues and students. Perhaps it's the military aspect of the school. DH just finished boys soccer for the season and his players are amazing. They always speak when they see me. The never let me carry heavy objects by myself. They open the door for me. They're polite, they're respectful, they're all-around good kids and every single one of them is male.

Sweeping generalizations aren't fair. My cousin's wife moved to a new state and made some comments about the low income "trashy" look of the town. Trust me, there are enough low income "trashy" looking places where she was from. We must always be aware of what we are saying and who we may be hurting when we say it. As a teacher, I'm proud of my students, ALL my students, for their unselfishness. They think of others first and genuinely want to help.

Maybe instead of focusing on the negative, we should focus on the positive things. Choosing to have a positive attitude makes all the difference in the world. I've seen it and experienced it first hand.

I choose to believe people, in general, are kind, decent, and unselfish.

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You and your husband both are very loving and caring people. Some of the best I know.

have had 2 relationships with 2 totally diffrent men, one was total selfish also abusive, looking back his up bring was the cause, my hubby (Papa) is a typical little boy/grown adult ( meaning he has his selfish moment as I too do ), without this wonderful man/boy I would bew lost, as to other men in society Love ya all.
Angie

I just had to chime in again tee hee. I've been sick and bf has been so awesome taking care of me. Bringing me food when I was too weak to go out and he even started washing my dishes!!

On a side note about the dishes....he was putting a squirt of soap on each dish.....yikes! I didn't want to be a nag but he was gonna use all my soap so I told him it conserves soap to make a sink full of water lol.

What a sweetie! It was the thought that counted lol!!

Heh, yeah, sometimes when we try we kind of screw it up. This is how I got banned from laundry. Still, it's sweet that he was doing it for you.

Cyran0

For sure. It was the thought that counted, and now he knows how to conserve soap!

I find it interesting that Rhapsody's thread was shut down for having run it's course ... and this one probably won't be.

I don't really need defending. The women and girls in my life can tell you how I am.

I love women, in fact I adore them. I love protecting them and doing things for them. Call me whipped if you want to but, the women in my life love and adore me. I treat them the way they should be treated. With the utmost respect and tenderness. Women and men were created for each other, so why wouldn't we love each other? Women are very nice and soft and cuddly. They have sweet voices ,(except when they are upset), and they care about you if you get hurt, or are sick. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world except maybe 2 more.

Thanks for this tribute to good men, we deserve it and you wonderful women deserve us.

Love, Eric

I love men. Maybe a little too much. Haha. Well, I'm married now... my husband is wonderful. I don't connect well with women. Most of my friends are male. So is my T. I grew up very close with my father and still am so I guess it just happens that way. Women tend to get on my nerves. I told my T that when I am done with school and open my own practice someday, maybe it will cater to only men. He said I'd probably get a lot of business, lol.