[s4ndm4n2006]

I was in another threads and the subject matter isn't important but someone mentioned something about men preferring a certain type of woman. It started me thinking about myself and what I prefer...

After a bit of analysis I realized. I. just. don't. know. what they are. I have no idea what personality type I would prefer. It escapes me entirely. Is that weird?

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I was in another threads and the subject matter isn't important but someone mentioned something about men preferring a certain type of woman. It started me thinking about myself and what I prefer...

After a bit of analysis I realized. I. just. don't. know. what they are. I have no idea what personality type I would prefer. It escapes me entirely. Is that weird?

Every time you post I see I'm further away from that diamond ring.

Nah, I know what you mean. But I have actually figured out what I want. The question is, DOES THAT PERSON EXIST?

OMG. If they do, I swear I will worship them forever.

Seesaw

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Every time you post I see I'm further away from that diamond ring.

Nah, I know what you mean. But I have actually figured out what I want. The question is, DOES THAT PERSON EXIST?

OMG. If they do, I swear I will worship them forever.

Seesaw

lol how does one even define such a thing?

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I was in another threads and the subject matter isn't important but someone mentioned something about men preferring a certain type of woman. It started me thinking about myself and what I prefer...

After a bit of analysis I realized. I. just. don't. know. what they are. I have no idea what personality type I would prefer. It escapes me entirely. Is that weird?

I don't think it's weird. I know people do have types. For me, I know there are things that turn me on / turn me off about a person, right down to how someone looks. So, maybe I have a type. but I'm also not really sure because its not limited to just that type. Is that weird?

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by starrysky

I don't think it's weird. I know people do have types. For me, I know there are things that turn me on / turn me off about a person, right down to how someone looks. So, maybe I have a type. but I'm also not really sure because its not limited to just that type. Is that weird?

no, I dont' think it's weird either. I mean I think I may have preferences with regards to some things like appearance too but I dont' really think it's very strict. and yeah I'm not limited to those preferences either but when it comes to personality itself and such, it's very unknown.

With behaviors and habits and such I can say that there are a few things I know I DON'T like but I'd rather not define it by the negatives if you get what I mean...

[Nemii]

there are 'ideal' partners and there are 'realistic' partners I suppose. We all have idea's of what we want. As for preferences towards possible relationships I suppose that just comes with experience.
I'm not a dude so I have no clue what that means for men lol
I don't think you're odd-- if anything I gather your up for anything, I mean what's the harm in that? lol

[divine1966]

I didn’t have any types per se. I have specific rather strict criteria re life style/education/intelligence level etc But not personality type until I discovered that I match better with personality opposite of mine.

I am high strung type A person who never sits down and I was always attracted to the same type of men. Until I discovered that I get along much better with people who are opposite of me: easy going laid back agreeable who aren’t in a rush all the time and don’t need things certain way. My husband and I laugh that I speed him up and he slows me down so at the end we achieve the same speed. Ha I never knew it’s actually good match for me. Now I guess I know.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I didn’t have any types per se. I have specific rather strict criteria re life style/education/intelligence level etc But not personality type until I discovered that I match better with personality opposite of mine.

I am high strung type A person who never sits down and I was always attracted to the same type of men. Until I discovered that I get along much better with people who are opposite of me: easy going laid back agreeable who aren’t in a rush all the time and don’t need things certain way. My husband and I laugh that I speed him up and he slows me down so at the end we achieve the same speed. Ha I never knew it’s actually good match for me. Now I guess I know.

You make good logical points here and oft times I've thought this is the case in most situations but with me, I wonder because, I am the reserved and somewhat quiet one. In groups I will fall by the wayside for the most part and say in the background. you get the gist. But all of the women I've met are indeed the opposite and it hasn't worked out well. Sometimes I wonder if a quiet and reserved person would work better with me.

But keep in mind my experience. when I say the opposite that also means my experience has been with controlling women that are dominant in the relationship and perhaps there is a more outgoing type that isn't necessarily like that but I just have never found anyone like that yet.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

lol how does one even define such a thing?

Honestly, I sat down and thought about what qualities are important to me in a person and what interests I felt it was necessary to share. It's a little like writing a job description. Hah. Believe it or not, it kind of helps to remove the emotion from it for a minute and thing about it pragmatically.

[yagr]

I just sat down and wrote a personal ad, not to post - but as an exercise to see if I could delineate what it is that I'm looking for, see if I could uncover unhealthy things about me, etc. The "About me" part was a breeze; took a few minutes. The "About them" part took a few weeks. I just finished it yesterday and went over it with my therapist.

I was rushing out the door nearly late for an appointment and cut this short - for clarification, the reason I shared this was simply that I get the 'what the heck am I looking for ' dilemma.

[eskielover]

Interesting.....after a 33 year bad marriage with another 11 years separated by 2100 miles, I can better make up a list of the "no-ways" than I can preferences.

Though top of the list isn't a preference it is a manditory requirement.....same religious beliefs to strengthen each other.

I need someone with common sense & intelligence as I found that someone with a high IQ but not a lick of common sense only creates total frustration & anger in me because I want someone totally capable of handling the same things as I am....this gets more critical the older I get because if I ended up ill again I need someone competent to handle the things I no longer can handle & I expect the same from myself.

Definitely mutual respect is a requirement....for me whete thete is no respect there is no love.

Being independent, I need my independence to do all the things I am involved in though it is nice to have someone with similar interests & involvements that would be virtually impossible to find so I need my freedom & give the same freedom to them

Trust is key...not just on the relationship end but in the every day livibg stuff. If I ask a question about something & want the facts, not whan someone mskes up in their mind to be the facts. Need someone willing to say "I don't know, I need to research the answer"

If the foundation of a relationship is solid then the other things flexibly fit in

[FallDuskTrain]

I don't think it is weird not to have your preferences defined; but it is necessary, in my opinion, to have your 'deal breaker' and 'must have' list in tact. These two lists help me to practice self-care, manage my irrational desires and as a result they hold me back from falling in love with the wrong person. Even if my emotions scream 'go for it', these lists help my mind to stay alert and be cautions.
I do not compromise my 'deal breaker' items (no alcohol/drugs, no unhealthy life style, no 'i want to be rich and successful' syndrome, no worldly ambitions, etc.). Again, these ‘deal breaker’ and ‘must have’ lists are my own guidelines and they are comprehensive and long but I don't want to share everything on these lists and offend anyone else. It is irrelevant anyways.
Well, you know my disclaimer: I have been single for over decade so you may want to listen to my insight with that in mind otherwise you may end up alone just like me and I do not wish that upon anyone.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

I don't think it is weird not to have your preferences defined; but it is necessary, in my opinion, to have your 'deal breaker' and 'must have' list in tact. These two lists help me to practice self-care, manage my irrational desires and as a result they hold me back from falling in love with the wrong person. Even if my emotions scream 'go for it', these lists help my mind to stay alert and be cautions.
I do not compromise my 'deal breaker' items (no alcohol/drugs, no unhealthy life style, no 'i want to be rich and successful' syndrome, no worldly ambitions, etc.). Again, these are my guidelines and they are comprehensive and long but I don't want to share everything on that list and offend anyone else. It is irrelevant anyways.
Well, you know my disclaimer: I have been single for over decade so you may want to listen to my insight with that in mind otherwise you may end up alone just like me and I do not wish that upon anyone.

Fall, you gotta stop self deprecating your opinions and advice. you are as wise and knowledgeable as many people here and just because you've been single a long time doesn't invalidate that.

with that being said you make very good points. None of yours in particular are remotely unreasonable and make sense that they are important to you so you don't budge.

I'd have to think on it a bit but a couple off the top of my head would be not someone that comes into my life and make me be something that I'm not. so tired of that. Also not overly expectant of constant interaction or feedback because much of the time I'm rather in my head, in my own world but that's not to say that I don't enjoy the intimacy too just not 24x7 or even every minute you're together (if living with together) Acceptance I think is the most important thing I would ask for. I am what I am, if you have a problem with any aspect of me, then you need not apply.

[eskielover]

Fall.....what you have to say is right on & if you look at all the miserable people who haven't followed that kind of advice.....would they not be better off single in many cases?

I would wish singleness on anyone struggling because if you don't know yourself, making a life with someone else ends up just turning the person into nothing more than what the other wants, losing one's own identity or creates a battle ground miserable to live in.....so is being alone really that bad. I prefer my last 11 years alone to anything I experienced the previous 33 years living in the marriage. I am FINALLY happy & know I would NEVER be happy again unless my "deal breaker " preferences are met. I will never just settle & hope for the best again even at the age of 65.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by eskielover

I would wish singleness on anyone struggling because if you don't know yourself, making a life with someone else ends up just turning the person into nothing more than what the other wants, losing one's own identity or creates a battle ground miserable to live in.....

^ this so much. spot on.

[yagr]

I would rather be alone than with the wrong person.

[TishaBuv]

All I wanted was to be with someone who turns me on and doesn’t torture me, someone whose company I enjoy and who satisfies me.

I don’t even care that much about conflicting opinions about religion, politics, etc...

If someone is a reasonable and good person who will be a good, caring partner, I am always very compatible... but only for a while. Maybe it is my nature to sabotage and end the relationship anyway due to a disorder, IDK.

[Unavailableartist]

Hmm I don't have too many preferences really. No defined type, as there are many lovely people and I dunno if I could say I have a narrow type in terms of ethnicity, culture, class etc.

I do however have certain desires (If I did actually meet someone). A checklist of must haves.
I'd hope she's active... Hiker, runner... Etc. I like parks, it would be nice to share that from time to time.

No personality disorders, flexible. I tend to be rigid, and ritualistic (its hard for me to be successful/happy with people who have their own routine that conflicts or people who are quarrelsome). I also have horrid self-esteem I'm very easy to guilt, and at this age it prolly won't change as that's instinctual with me, I can only learn to cope.

[seesaw]

So if a person has defined preferences and they decide against someone because they don't meet those preferences, and those preferences are important to them, then does that make them judgmental or somehow wrong?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by seesaw

So if a person has defined preferences and they decide against someone because they don't meet those preferences, and those preferences are important to them, then does that make them judgmental or somehow wrong?

Nope. It does not. Everyone has rights to have preferences. Nothing to do with judgement.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by seesaw

... does that make them judgmental or somehow wrong?

Of course and of course not.

I will judge the pedophile who answered my 'need a baby-sitter' ad unfit to watch my child - and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Thinking that I am not judging that person is only fooling myself, which happens because we have placed such a negative connotation on judgment.

[Unavailableartist]

Originally Posted by seesaw

So if a person has defined preferences and they decide against someone because they don't meet those preferences, and those preferences are important to them, then does that make them judgmental or somehow wrong?

Of course not! These people would make good friends, romantic material maybe not. I say this as a concern for their feelings. Maybe it was bit disconcerting to lump this with character flaws.

But these people have productive lives I would HATE to get in their way with my own eccentricities.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by seesaw

So if a person has defined preferences and they decide against someone because they don't meet those preferences, and those preferences are important to them, then does that make them judgmental or somehow wrong?

To be honest, I don't think that's the case at all. In fact I think most people including myself really do have preferences but are not consciously aware of what they are. I mean it's not judgmental it's wise to know what expectations you have of things, and to make decisions based on them.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

to be honest, i don't think that's the case at all. In fact i think most people including myself really do have preferences but are not consciously aware of what they are. I mean it's not judgmental it's wise to know what expectations you have of things, and to make decisions based on them.

exactly!!!!

[yagr]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

To be honest, I don't think that's the case at all. In fact I think most people including myself really do have preferences but are not consciously aware of what they are. I mean it's not judgmental it's wise to know what expectations you have of things, and to make decisions based on them.

I just wrote a personal ad, not to post - I'm not interested in seeing anyone, but to get to know myself better - to make myself consciously aware of what my preferences are. It took me two weeks to reach any level of satisfaction with the exercise and it still has a long way to go.

I wanted to keep it positive, but I found that no matter how I worded the qualities I found attractive, someone could believe they had those qualities even if I would disagree vehemently. Turns out, I couldn't manage putting anything together without listing negatives I didn't want in a person.