I may meet a man this week

Interesting thread. For me there are a few red flags.

1) he told you Japanese women will not except him. So is he “settling for less” having a relationship with you.? I am familiar with Japanes culture and was married to a Japanese man for 8 years. What he’s telling you is not true.

2) he told you that you were fat. WTF? Criticizing your body at this early stage does not bode well.

3) he thinks mental illness can be cured by a vacation? Seriously?

These are just my thoughts. But I wouldn’t run away screaming if a man told me this crock o’ *****.

How long have you known this person? It seems like you are asking for a lot of care and commitment from someone who hasnt been in your life very long? Of course we want that from our significant other, but it just seems like you are putting the cart before the horse.

I still like him and remain in contact with him. I told him to remove me from his skype contacts if he wants but he has not. I send him messages still. Yes, he is into being skinny and wants me to be skinny. I just chide him and say oink oink. I don't know if what he is saying about Japanese women is true or not. I really am not that concerned about it. And, yes,he is ignorant about mental illness but nobody is perfect.


I did not want him to be my significant other but a friend in need. Sometimes finding lover who is also a friend is hard these days. I think he tried to be a friend but wants to be in control of our relationship. It is ok. I come from a domineering mother and father. I am used to allowing others be in control at times. I, of course, want my freedom still so am doing whatever I want anyways.


I met another man today and did not like him. So, it made me realize that the man I was previously seeing was not so bad. Thus, I still write him and hope to meet him again. I know it sounds like I'm settling for less than desirable. But, he is not that bad and I, for some reason, like him despite his flaws.


I am not in a rush to get married or find my significant other. I just want a lover who is my friend too.

And is he on the same page?

I'd tread lightly with this push/pull thing of delete Skype/don't delete Skype.

Don't get to where you're so afraid of being alone that you think *anything* would be better than that.

Yes, may be I am holding onto something that is not going to work out. I will try to be busy with my life alone for now as usual. I am doing ok and not too worried about him. He has not written in about three days so he is not too concerned about me. I will be ok.

So, I have a date with another man tomorrow night. He is a real estate entrepreneur and is Jewish. My ex was also Jewish. He seems more of a typical American man which I am used to dating. I shall see what he is like tomorrow.

I cancelled the meeting tomorrow. I am coming down with a cold and feel terrible. I am tired and spent. I will just do my business tomorrow and come home.

I am meeting another Japanese man for coffee tomorrow morning. He lives in the next town near me. He is very talkative and nice. He has many stories to tell. He is older and an investment banker. He is self-employed and owns his business. I like his personality so far. But, I will have to meet him to see if we get along. I am hoping for the best.


The other Japanese man no longer talks to me. He is strange as heck. I am happy to have let him go for now. I am glad to have found out his true nature which is he is not my friend but a user. I was nice to him but told him not to worry about my asking me to help me because I really don't need his help anymore. He has been avoiding me ever since I asked him for help. He acted as if he would be supportive of me so I thought asking him to help me would not be a problem. From now on, I will not ask for help unless I am really sure we are friends. He wanted to learn English and was using me for free meals and lessons. I understand why he never married. But, this is his loss, not mine. I did not ask for money nor anything materialistic but for help in just signing a letter stating he could vouch for my character and that I would be responsible for my affairs while in Japan. I don't know what the big deal is but he seemed to squirm when I asked him. I thought he would be nice to me but he was not. He is a typical user-friendly user- always seeking to take advantage of others.


The new man I'm seeing tomorrow speaks really good English and has been to America many times. I am happy for him. He seems more comfortable with himself and confident. I like his style. I am not going to ask him for a character verification this time and will ask someone who has been a long-time friend of the family.

This letter for character verification is a formality not anything binding legally. But, I need it. So, I did not want to bother my long-time friend because I have not seen her for awhile. But, I will go visit her when I have time. And, I am not going to ask anybody anymore for help here unless it is absolutely necessary. I realize some Japanese people are known to be very cold to strangers and only nice to their family and friends in their circle. Thus, I was not surprised by the previous man's response but he was sure obvious about his purpose for me.


So, tomorrow I will see what happens. I look forward to tomorrow and hope we get along. He has so many stories to tell. I find him fascinating.

Also, since he told me his illnesses, I told him mine. He still wants to see me. It was like well here we go again I thought. But, he was really nice about it. I think he is understanding. He first told me about his illnesses because he got sick in America and was hospitalized but had a wonderful experience recovering while there. I thought if he is going to disclose his illnesses that I would just tell him mine and get it out of the way, so to speak. Some people I never tell and with others it is not so hard to be myself. He was very empathetic and understanding about my situation as I was about his. So, we are honest with each other and have an understanding about each other's situation.

Honestly I think most people would be apprehensive about vouching for people’s characters if they only’ve met few times and didn’t have variety of experiences. I think his reaction was fairly normal. I don’t know if he was using you for free meals though, that could be, but not wanting to sign a letter is very understandable.

Good luck with a new date. Don’t cook for him or have him over at your house. Nothing wrong with cooking for men but I’d give it few dates at least.

I met the new man for coffee. He is absolutely fascinating. He is very sincere and honest. I really like his character. He is well-connected to powerful people which I find a little intimidating but truly amazing. He is very nice too. He and I talked about many topics and about our illnesses. He is a good listener and extremely supportive. He and I are not perfect but may be perfect for each other. He is so kind that I'm simply moved to be treated well. After meeting other men who have used me or just want sex, he is like a breath of fresh air. I like him so far. We are taking it slowly and will go out for dinner next month. He is busy with his work and travels internationally. We clicked, and this makes me happy. I look forward to meeting him again next month before he goes abroad for a month for business. I like him and hope this time it works out between us. I am being careful not to act too needy but did tell him I'm lonely and all alone here. And, he replied that he'll be my friend. This is what I like about him. A friend in the making and a truly nice man.

He wrote me on facebook and on skype. He is so sweet. I think he will become someone special. I value character very much. He is a good man. I am hoping he likes me for my character too. He says he likes me too. I am happy.


I sent him this video.

hmmm, I read his facebook page and he states he is in an open relationship although not married. I will address this with him later as we get to know each other.

I say things on my facebook which are not true at times. I am wondering if he is saying this to protect himself. hmmm

He wished me a good day this morning, and so did I. He is nice.

I'm beginning to wonder where I fit in in his world. He has some contacts on facebook with some truly beautiful women who look like models. I'm wondering what is he seeking with me? I'm not ugly but not a model type. May be, he got sick of them? I don't know. He probably can get any woman he desires. hmmm, he said he wanted a dinner date to go to meetings with him and also someone who is a serious partner. He is well-connected and very influential. I want someone who is my friend. However, given his status, I don't feel like divulging my problems to him because it is a waste of his time reading such messages or listening to them, and I don't want to scare him.


I divulged all my problems to the previous man whom I dated for awhile. It probably scared him. I was manic and had hypergraphia, and wrote him many messages. I think this is one of the reasons he cut me off. I understand. I need a friend and was looking for one in the wrong place. Thus, I don't want to tell my problems to this new man.

I will take it as it comes. We are meeting for dinner next month before he flies abroad for a business trip to Europe. He travels internationally for business.


I do like his nature. So far, I know he likes me. I am happy about this. I feel blessed about meeting him.

I sent him this video.

California Dreamin- SIA

He said he liked the music but the movie was scary. hmmm, I guess so.

Why this video? It’s quite dreadful, it’s from a movie San Andreas about pretty much total demise of San Francisco area. It’s scary and potentially triggering. What if he has family in the area? Watching Golden Gate collapsing is just dreadful. There are other renditions of the song and maybe other videos (if you wanted song about someone missing California). If I received it I’d wonder why someone sent it to me after one date.

I'm from LA. He is from Japan. He has no family in CA. I miss CA so sent him this. There may be a possibility of a big earthquake in CA. I told him it is just a movie, and he understands.

Besides, this is how I feel about CA.

Also, divine 66, I find your comments always condescending towards me. Would you please refrain from commenting on my threads? Thank you very much!!

No problem. But please do put a trigger on your thread. Even if I do not open your thread at all, your video is playing on my screen. That’s how I see it. In my feed. I have to check maybe it’s not like this on a PC site but a video is playing on Tapatalk.

I open forum this morning and that’s the first thing I see. My family lives in SF area, I am not particularly excited to see it crashing down even if I don’t even open your thread! I’ll put you on ignore (not sure if it works on Tapatalk, hope so) so I don’t have to ever wake up to dreadful videos!

He wished me a good night. He is really sweet.

I could not sleep. I am listening to Christian music and sent him this.

There's a place for us- Carrie Underwood



I will try to sleep before I become manic.

P.S. He is Christian.

He wished me a good morning. I wished him a wonderful day. He is very sweet.

For some reason, when I'm on skype or facebook he is on too. I address him and say hello. May be it is just a coincidence. I feel as if I'm being watched. May be it is my paranoia. But, he comes on skype or facebook while I'm on. Others don't do this to me. hmmmm

I've read through the whole thread and it is a little bit of a whirlwind.

I totally understand wanting to be with someone special, but it is very easy for other people to sense neediness, even when we think we are not. Telling someone, after only a few dates, about your mental illness is one way this is projected. Staying with someone for 10 hours on a first date *can* be another. Not always; but I think it depends on other behaviors as well.

I had an online guy friend whom I discussed my illness with even before we'd formally met. However, it was part of the way we started to get to know each other as he was also struggling with issues at the time. This was many, many years ago and we'd been friends ever since. Cut to recently when we decided to date. I divulged a lot to him that I wouldn't normally divulge to a man I wasn't close to, and it ended up being used against me. The relationship wasn't healthy, and ended up being quite damaging.

I'm not saying this will happen to you, I'm saying be wise. I see a lot of rationalizing in this thread. Just because you have issues doesn't mean you have to put up with less from an individual, or put up with things like someone being an hour and a half late for a second date. Remember, in some ways, you teach people how to treat you. If you show early on that you accept them being disrespectful toward you, they will understand now that this is something they can continue. The next time, he may be three hours late. Does that make sense?

I would also refrain from sending too many videos/songs, etc. I'm sorry, but I have to agree with divine on this one. And early in the communication with someone, receiving things like that can come off as needy or, at the very least, just an annoyance. I tend to send pictures/memes I find funny to men I'm talking to, but really only if we'd been talking about it or if I know it is in line with their sense of humor. People tend to be pretty busy, and may not have time to sit and watch a video that another person thinks is interesting. Heck, my sister sends me videos and I accidentally delete them half the time. *shrug*

I wish you the best.