What is it about me. I cannot inspire people to be loyal to me. I think it is because I very much have a fair and balanced approach to life. If someone is in the wrong.. even a friend, I am on board letting them get in trouble. I mean, I would warn them but if they did it anyway I would be like "well I told you." but it seems like people want me to be on their side anyway.

And that those who are considered "charismatic" are simply winning to lie to you vigorously.

Thus people aren't loyal to me because they suspect hey won't get loyalty back.

Anyone else feel they don't get loyalty easly?

[healingme4me]

Loyalty just so happens to have been quite a heated discussion in my area, where I live.
Is it loyalty to fall down the rabit hole together? What if you have plans for your own life that doesn't involve getting into trouble? If they cannot respect that about you, is that the type of loyalty that you crave?
The general consensus is that at the end of the day, loyalty to self is probably all you'll get anyways, so why focus on it?

[Shazerac]

Maybe you could give some thought to what your definition of loyalty is? I read somewhere that compassion is the willingness to suffer “with” someone not “for” them. What does being on their side mean to you or them? Does this mean agreeing with them that what they did wa not harmful to them or others, or do they want you to accept them and love them despite their “faults.”

I’m a firm believer in we get what we give philosophy. If loyalty is an issue for you, do some deep sea diving into what you think it is. Telling someone “I told you so” when they make a mistake is really not that supportive. Maybe reframe your thinking to something like....hmmm that didn’t work out well for you. Would you like to brainstorm ways you can prevent that from happening again?

[seesaw]

I find I give loyalty fairly easily, to people I judge to have integrity and compassion. Especially if they champion me in some way. My new client is very demanding, but she is generous in her praise and is very inspiring to me. I have friends who I never expected to step up for me, and even did so in small ways, but it meant so much to me, I would do anything for them.

I even have ex-friends who, if they did ask me for something, I would probably help. Mostly because the falling out was due to failings on both our sides. I feel they are unsafe to continue being around for me, but I know they are good people, and I wouldn't want to see them hurt.

I do find there are lots of people in this world who will quickly dismiss you. A couple of people I had been friends with outside of work entirely dumped me after I lost my job. And I had actually gone out on a limb for these people and done a lot for them. It was very hurtful.

Honestly, I think it's just a part of opening ourselves up to relationships of all kinds. We may misjudge people or they may fail us. I am sure I have failed people who thought I was a better friend in the past too. I am human and flawed. That's all I can attest to.

(((Emily))) I think you must be a very devoted and kind person IRL. Wish I could know you personally. I think we'd be good friends.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Loyalty is not something that can be made to happen except in your own self. by example one leads and others that are open to being influenced may or may not follow that lead. it's a very soft influence and something that cannot be forced or it goes against the idea of mentor/leadership.

The part that I think may help your understanding is that you need to accept that people will be or won't be loyal all on their own initiative. That's just it, some people are naturally born to be loyal to those they care for and some people are disloyal by nature or at least find it to be something they don't consider that important.

I highly doubt that anything you're doing or try to do to change this will work. Find loyal people to be friends with... I know that sounds simplistic but it really is a part of what type of person one is.

Originally Posted by seesaw

I find I give loyalty fairly easily, to people I judge to have integrity and compassion. :

Oh I "GIVE" loyalty almost instantly.. but all too often I don't get it. Everyone says that you have to be a good person and I think I am, I just maybe the get that I won't be loyal to them if they make a mistake. And I kind of won't be. But I will be loyal I just won't ignore their transgressions.

[mote.of.soul]

Hi. So, you say, "If someone is in the wrong.. even a friend, I am on board letting them get in trouble. I mean, I would warn them but..." - which means you didn't actually warn them and you let them get in trouble. Yes, I think most people would perceive that, in the long term, as being neither a good friend or loyal. Part of loyalty, I believe, is standing by the person even when they falter. Of course warn them, but stand by them as well. This is all just theory of course.

[mote.of.soul]

Okay, my apologies, I misinterpreted your post. You say you did warn them but they went ahead and did it anyway, and then you said, 'I told you'. Okay, I think that's where you're going wrong, with the - 'I told you.' The person who inspires others loyalty doesn't rub their noses in it, so to speak. But who knows - it could be 1001 different things, really.

[RainyDay107]

Sometimes a sense of entitlement isn’t conducive to getting what we want. It’s like herding cats, I’d imagine. I’m not really sure.

Happened again this week. Previously I worked with a two faced witch who betrayed me. Something about her is that she has this act like she is fun and funny and nice but she isn't. There are a few people where I work like that.

So I had thought my boss was someone who saw through this stuff but I came back from something and found the witch in talking to him.

He is an extrovert and he will talk to anyone who pretends to be really into him... so.. but it is just too frustrating. She has worked there for a while and has answers so he is now being influenced by her and other nasty people...

Nasty people are always the ones who push in and pretend to be nice and work to manipulate people.

AND I AM SICK OF IT.

I feel like I need to leave my job but I wonder if that makes any sense. If I go to a new job will I just have the same (or worse) sneaky people?

I have someone who I thought was a friend and I wanted to go to a work related event with her. I told her that. I told her flat out that I only wanted to go if she was going. But she is in some trouble at work and when she didn't tell me she was going I assumed the powers that be said no. Until this week she posted on facebook she went. Jerk. I guess I really know where I stand.

Loyalty is dead.