[tumblr]

I think it took me 3 hours to write this. I found myself shaking, crying, and actually whimpering for a while. I think it was a nice relief.

I didn't think an inability to function socially could have so much affect on me, but it's consumed my life completely. It's been a good 5 years really. I think I came to the realization that I watched myself get progressively worse.

I've never had a close relationship to anyone. Not even family. Which I feel guilty over, but I can't help it. I had no one to tell my thoughts to, and no one to comfort me through tough times.

It's brushed off a lot since I'm 17. I could honestly scream in front of someone "please help me" and they'll just say grow up. I can't find anyone who cares. So I guess I started crying tonight because I thought about my future, or maybe a lack thereof. I've gone to dark places before, and I can't help but think I'll either commit suicide, or become some kind of addict.

The thought really set me off. I'm afraid of getting older because I'm scared of what will come of me next. I know my emotional control sucks, so I can only imagine.

[Beowulf]

Be strong, you can do this. I promise.
I was where you are once, I first became a member of this site at 16. I felt I had no other option, I had no one to speak to and could trust no one. I was not close to my parents and still am not, no one would have taken me seriously even though I thought very seriously about committing suicide.
It is so hard, I still break down and don't see a purpose. But now I am 20, in college on scholarship and have a bright future. I still struggle, so much. But I opened up and put trust in a few people, sometimes it hurt me when they disappointed but sometimes it helped tremendously and was worth the risk. The future can be so bright, and people care about you. I do, and I do not even know you. But your post reminds me so much of myself. Hold on, it will get better. And even when it gets worse, it will get better again.

[Miss P]

Hey...I just wanted to hopefully send comfort to you n say, you have found a good, good place. I'm sorry for your situation and I can relate as well. I'm not close to anybody either n although my family are good people, I don't feel heard among them. I wish I could help, but know you are not alone. All the best x

[Unavailableartist]

Don't waste your life with drugs... Lots of healthier things to be addicted to. Video games, books are great. Suicide is scary, if you think about it.. You could simply just ruin your life and not end it (something that helped me).
While my 20s weren't great, trust that it'll Get better. I liked being 21 way better than being 17.

[crushed_soul]

You are loved, tumblr, whether you are aware of it or not. As a creature of existence, there is love in this world for everything.

Do not give up trying. You will find your way and, maybe, others will assist you as you try to find your way.

[carcrashonrepeat]

I'd love to know more about you, tumblr. How old are you now? What kind of town you live in? Keep sharing because so many of us have felt (and still feel) the way you did.

There have been many times, when I was younger and now, that I had felt suicidal. And yet, just like you, all the decisions I've made show me that I want to live, and I want to live knowing I can be okay with what comes - good or bad.

Keep talking and be open to what could help you, either on this forum or IRL to a therapist or in a support group.

[Jester's Rags]

Originally Posted by tumblr

It's brushed off a lot since I'm 17. I could honestly scream in front of someone "please help me" and they'll just say grow up. I can't find anyone who cares. So I guess I started crying tonight because I thought about my future, or maybe a lack thereof. I've gone to dark places before, and I can't help but think I'll either commit suicide, or become some kind of addict.

The thought really set me off. I'm afraid of getting older because I'm scared of what will come of me next. I know my emotional control sucks, so I can only imagine.

I'm really sorry you are hurting so badly. The just grow up comments or especially the 'just deal with it' comment are infuriating. Like that's some kind of help or answer.

I'm no stranger to the thoughts or suicidal ideation, but Suicide is not an answer. Repeat; Suicide is not an answer. Drugs can be a huge help. When they're necessary and provided by a doctor. Are you in some form of treatment?

Best wishes.