Heartbroken and can't do this anymore...

Things have been so up and down lately at home.... my husband has been dealing with a lot of hard ****.. and I have been doing my best to support and love him through it... despite my own pains.. I found out, I think it was 2 weeks ago, that my husband was abusing Meth.. I shared it with you all and you were very open and supportive. Thank you.

I ended up not bringing it up to my husband because I was afraid of the potential fight it could bring... since then he has been just up and down... I would check his phone but saw nothing about getting more of that ****.. eventually I just stopped checking because I wanted to believe 'maybe it was just that once, he wouldn't do that, right?'... Well I sure feel stupid for thinking that...

Yesterday I was texting him all day and he was having a pretty rough one at work... So I tried to cheer him up and it seemed to be working.. he texted that I have been so great to him and he was so happy I am with him and on his side... but when I picked him up, he wouldn't say one word to me.. I tried to talk to him and he just sat in silence.. When we get home it's no different.. he just stomps around the apartment and slams doors and won't say anything.. then he goes to sleep at 6pm and I just felt so anxious because I just want to know what I did wrong..

This morning when I woke up everything seemed fine. He was cuddling up on me and I thought that today might be better... so I just dropped yesterday and was gonna start fresh.. but once he gets up, it's back to the silent treatment... I'm just trying not to get too anxious and upset but I couldn't help think 'this isn't fair.. why is he being like this?'

So when I was driving him to work, with my daughter in the backseat, I just couldn't leave it alone... I asked him about it.. and begged him to talk to me.. I kept pushing.. and then he just exploded.. yelling that I don't care about what's wrong, so I should quit asking.. and that I haven't been doing anything to make him happy or show that I care about his happiness... I burst into tears trying to tell him that I have been trying my best... I do care.. we just kept going on for a while till I couldn't hold it in and I screamed at him... He smacked me directly on the mouth.. and busted my lip open... I cried and he made fun of how I sounded... I yelled that he busted my lip.. he said "good!".... he made me take him to the store and when he got back in the car, he started smoking a cigarette... with our daughter right there... I screamed and tried to take it from him.. but he said to just crack my window... I wish I was imagining all of this...

When I went home on my lunch break, I saw that he left his phone.. So I checked it... He bought some last week just before the weekend... so he is either in the process of coming down from it, or currently on it....

I can't do this anymore you guys... He promised he'd never hit me... he promised to not touch that ****... he promised to care... but he broke every one of those promises....

I'm so scared of what is going to happen... I don't know what to think or feel anymore.. I need to leave... I know I do.. but I'm so scared you guys... It feels like everything is just falling apart... like I can't hold onto it anymore...

Please leave and leave NOW.
I am triggered and in pain for you. This is a serious, real life problem. Leave now. It will never get any better; no matter how much he claims that it might. He needs to get help.
If there a place for you to go? Go to the police. Report him. Staying with him is not going to make life worse for you and your daughter.
Can you report it to the authorities? Can you stay somewhere else? Anywhere that is not near him.
Pm me if you need support.
Please be strong for your daughter and leave. You know that is the right thing to do.

I wrote the following to you last week. I am simply cutting and pasting because, well...I want to remind you.

Ironically, once again, I just got home from a meeting again. So nothing has changed in my world. Yours is getting worse and it's just beginning. Please take this to heart. I am sorry you are going through this.

Hey there, so sorry you and your girl are going through this, it must have been terrifying, especially for her.

That aside, I am an addict...have been for 20+ years and I can tell you your guy is in the grip of his addiction, I can also tell you he isn't ready to give it up yet.
(See yagr's post above)

Please get you and your daughter someplace safe as quickly as possible.

Thinking of you both.

Ditto what every one else says.

He's addicted--right now he cannot stop.

He cannot stop until he wants to and seeks help--and event hen it is not a success only journey.

The best thing you can do right now is to model good and safe behavior for your daughter by leaving. Show her that choosing your own health and safety is a good thing.

Your husband has a lot of work to do--if he get's there. Don't ride the roller coaster with him...

Not saying it's easy; get support, get help. GET OUT!

Hey guys.. thank you for the support. I really do appreciate it.

I'm sorry I didn't reply.. I got into a pretty bad car accident after work yesterday... Got back from the hospital a little bit ago.. Nothing's broken, just really really sore and bruised...

My husband was at the hospital with me and he kept apologizing to me.. he said he loved me and he won't let things get like this anymore... He looked genuinely terrified..

We had a long talk and I told him everything that has been bothering me.. and I was able to bring up the addiction... I told this is his last change.. that I will leave him for good if he does this **** again.. I mean it.


My poor car is totaled... 😭😭😭

Good luck

Be aware of the Cycle of Abuse.

According to the Cycle of Abuse, when the abuser is worried that he is losing control, he becomes apologetic, loving, and kind. Temporarily. When the danger has passed, though, in the Cycle of Abuse the abuser returns to his controlling, abusive ways.

Maybe your husband will be different. Be prepared, though, for the possibility that he, like like most abusers, does return to being abusive.

My heart hurts for you and your daughter and even a little for him- not condoning his behavior in the least, just that he is a sick addicted person.
I have worked in substance abuse. Even if you have a place to go please contact a women's shelter to make a safety plan and get as educated as you can. That way you can make the most informed decisions going forward. That must have been terrifying for both you and your daughter. I haven't known an addict who hasn't lied about his intentions. Addicts lie. It's just who they become.

You and your daughter deserve to feel safe and right now with all that has transpired it is not safe with him. If you can't do this for you, do it for your daughter. She nor you can ever " unsee" that incident in the car.

Please know you are on my prayer list. I don't know who you are, but I believe my higher power knows.

It's your prerogative to give him a second chance. But he's not going to change. Get your ducks in a row so that when he hits you again, you can just pick up and leave. Find a good shelter or friend to stay with and let them know/ask so you can come when it's time. Get a go-bag together. Squirrel away some money in a secret place so he can't find it.

Then when he hits you again, and he will, you can just walk away.

Good luck.

Seesaw