[xRavenx]

This problem has been driving me crazy. There was a slow build up where I did not have much awareness and wanted to give my co-worker the benefit of the doubt. I just can't anymore.

There is this girl that I work closely with in a team of three. The playing field used to be level, where we all helped each other out. Since the boss is overwhelmed with extra responsibilites and cannot be as attentive, he permitted her to take on some extra responsibilities to help the three of us. At first, my co-worker seemed to know her place, and we worked together great. She can be helpful. However, she is beginning to change and overstep her line. Not even just with me, as I'm not hearing from some others. She loves the ego-boost and is getting really bossy.

I have higher credentials than her and have the ability to do some things that she is unable to do. However, she completely took over, is trying to supervise me, and is asking me questions about things that she does not have the authority to supervise me on. In fact, I can technically train and supervise her formally when it comes to certain things.

She has overstepped her boundaries even more than this, but I'm trying to keep this short. I don't want to get her in trouble, but this is going to far. What should I do? I know I should go to my boss, but I also don't know if I should confront her directly.

Also, how do you deal with the built up anger??? I have been so angry, because I've worked really hard to get to where I want to be, battled Bipolar to keep my job, and I feel more micromanaged than ever before in my career than since years back when I was just starting out. I worked way too hard to have to deal with this at this point in my career.

[seesaw]

I think you need to be careful. Regardless of credentials, if your boss is giving her authority to supervise you, then that is a directive from him that she is allowed to supervise you. I think perhaps you should speak to your boss and ask him what the chain of command is, so you know who you report to, and if she is just taking the lead on certain projects, or if she is being given leeway to supervise you in many things.

I would be careful in how you phrase this conversation though.

Hmm. Tough one. Honestly? If it were me, I would straight out tell her, you are not my supervisor and have no place asking these types of questions. I take offense to the way you are acting lately.

That's what I would personally say. But I am also pretty bold. However, you cannot get in trouble by putting her in her place. And this way, you don't need to involve your boss who is too busy anyways. Others may have better advice, but that's what I would do.

I think the built up anger will dissipate if you confront her.

[divine1966]

If your boss put her in to position of supervising you or helping you etc then it doesn’t matter who has more credentials. In fact people often are placed in supervisory positions not due to credentials but other skills.

If you believe she isn’t placed in position to supervise you, then I’d ask your boss if she is your supervisor etc it could be that she is crossing boundaries but you don’t know what your supervisor told her to do.

I absolutely wouldn’t be confronting anyone but rather politely ask your boss ofbwhat are this girl’s responsibility in regards to you. Confronting anyone would make you look confrontational and can even cost you a job.

I know people who argue and complain in every job and they usually don’t last long on
the job so be careful

Maybe I gave bad advice, I don't know. I don't believe that this woman has been placed in a supervisory role above the OP. He said the supervisor permitted her to take on extra responsibilities to help the team, not that she has been placed in a supervisory role. I don't think the OP would be posting if she had in fact been raised to a position above him in responsibility.

[healingme4me]

I'm thinking reserve the anger, yet, gently nudge with reminders that you're on the same team. Point out areas of unappreciated(without using that word) micromanaging with more precise ways that you prefer to work with.

I do get what you mean about power going to one's head in the way you've described.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by seesaw

I think you need to be careful. Regardless of credentials, if your boss is giving her authority to supervise you, then that is a directive from him that she is allowed to supervise you. I think perhaps you should speak to your boss and ask him what the chain of command is, so you know who you report to, and if she is just taking the lead on certain projects, or if she is being given leeway to supervise you in many things.

I would be careful in how you phrase this conversation though.

Thanks for your input. The thing is, the boss did not give her permission to supervise me. In fact, state regs don't even allow it. He only gave her authority to coordinate a couple of things. It's completely fine that she can coordinate things. That does not bother me. It's the supervision piece.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Hmm. Tough one. Honestly? If it were me, I would straight out tell her, you are not my supervisor and have no place asking these types of questions. I take offense to the way you are acting lately.

That's what I would personally say. But I am also pretty bold. However, you cannot get in trouble by putting her in her place. And this way, you don't need to involve your boss who is too busy anyways. Others may have better advice, but that's what I would do.

I think the built up anger will dissipate if you confront her.

Thank you for this. I do agree about the need to be assertive in this situation. When some people get the slightest bit of responsibility, they complete take over. The boss isn't even aware of all she is doing.

He might be annoyed if he finds out all that has been going on. Like I said, I don't want to completely throw her under the bus, but maybe if certain boundaries are set (and the boss should specifically outline her responsibilities), some of this can be nipped in the bud.

Like the one person above mentioned, I probably need to be cautious, and that's a challenge. However, like I said before, she is not permitted to cross a line in certain areas, and maybe someone in a position of authority can be more specific with her. The big boss has been so busy, that I don't think he knows what's going on.

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Thank you for this. I do agree about the need to be assertive in this situation. When some people get the slightest bit of responsibility, they complete take over. The boss isn't even aware of all she is doing.

He might be annoyed if he finds out all that has been going on. Like I said, I don't want to completely throw her under the bus, but maybe if certain boundaries are set (and the boss should specifically outline her responsibilities), some of this can be nipped in the bud.

Like the one person above mentioned, I probably need to be cautious, and that's a challenge. However, like I said before, she is not permitted to cross a line in certain areas, and maybe someone in a position of authority can be more specific with her. The big boss has been so busy, that I don't think he knows what's going on.

I wonder if it would help you to go to the Human Resources dept about it, if you have one? It's not exactly throwing her under the bus since you wouldn't be going to your boss, but it does involve consulting with higher authorities. HR is best for resolving and mediating employee issues. Do you have an HR dept? Otherwise, if not, I liked another person's suggestion of gently approaching it. My own approach was very direct & blunt. Perhaps something softer that does draw the boundaries without creating any conflict. It's a tricky situation.

[melangey]

Or you could just ignore her and do it your own way. That's what I do when someone in a subordinate role tells me something. But I'm a woman so I have to phrase it differently than a man does (sorry to be sexist, but women have to be "kinder" or we get called bossy; umm... waitaminute, that's what you just did LOL oh well).

Or if it has to be done, say:

"My priority is 'X' right now, but I'll get to your 'Y' and 'Z' when I'm done."

Then perhaps give her a task to do, so she sees you are equals. If she doesn't complete the task OR answer your request in a professional and timely manner, then ask her why. If she refuses to tell or comes back with opposition, tell the boss. But make it very clear you're giving HER direction without saying anything too brash like:

"You're not my boss - I'm yours."

Try this, instead:

"That's a good point. I'm going to do it this way though, because it worked last time and it's what the customer/boss wants. For the time being, could you do 'X' (whatever she asked for)? The boss wants it done by 'X' time and I'm thinking you'd do it well. It would help me out greatly."


Never say you're overwhelmed OR that you have nothing to do. For all you know, the boss asked her to pitch in because he thought you couldn't handle it (don't get mad). But if she's less experienced, I bet she's just trying to be helpful (yet not look weak). The phrases I use in place are:

"The clients want X, Y, and Z done and I'm thinking multiple people on the team would benefit the outcome," instead of "I'm overwhelmed and can't finish this all."

"I can take on more work," instead of "I'm out of tasks."

In other words... kill with kindness. Do NOT lose your cool because (especially if you are a supervisor to her) she could come back to hurt you with the help of HR, or even the boss if he likes her more. Sadly, though there shouldn't be, there are always favorites.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

I wonder if it would help you to go to the Human Resources dept about it, if you have one? It's not exactly throwing her under the bus since you wouldn't be going to your boss, but it does involve consulting with higher authorities. HR is best for resolving and mediating employee issues. Do you have an HR dept? Otherwise, if not, I liked another person's suggestion of gently approaching it. My own approach was very direct & blunt. Perhaps something softer that does draw the boundaries without creating any conflict. It's a tricky situation.

Thank you. I am definitely nervous about going to go to work tomorrow, because I know I have to address this. However, I know this has to be done sooner rather than later. I don't want to say anything I regret out of anger, which can very well happen if I do not address this soon. Hopefully this will be resolved. I have a pretty good "argument" when it comes to my case, so there should be an outcome of some sort to resolve this.

[xRavenx]

melangy- thank you. That's the approach that was helping me avoid losing my cool for the past couple of weeks, where I just did my own thing. It's just getting to a point where it is getting old. I definitely want to make sure nothing backfires, and at this point, I believe that I can be diplomatic, yet objective when discussing this to someone higher up.

When I called her bossy, I am not at all being biased gender-wise. Whether female, male, or agender..... this co-worker is bossy no matter how you slice it. I do know what you mean though. When I address this, I am going to avoid derogatory language like this though.