[mjrcherrychord]

My husband has double standards and they usually come out when we're fighting. It drives me crazy and I don't know what to do. I'll give the example of tonight. We went to a ball game. It was pretty hot in the beginning and one of our babies kept crying because she's cutting a tooth and was tired. Plus our teenager was in a foul mood. So many things going on and my husband gets really pissy and keeps give me death looks. I'm in a great mood and excited for our night. Side note, when he's stressed about something he always takes it out on mainly be but sometimes the kids too. Anyway, several times, while we were disagreeing he told me to "so shut up" and "stop taking". By the end of the night I had had it and wasn't going to take it any more. (I'm a fighter and I know in these situations I should be nice and just go along with it instead of fighting back and making it worse). So I told him to shut up and stop talking and of course he gets really angry.

There are many things that I see him do and know if I did them he would tear me a new one. Half the time I point them out. I've told him

Hello and welcome to PC.

So how did you feel when your husband told you to shut up? That is not what love involves -- love does not involve disrespect. No one should be telling anyone to "shut up." And yes, that is a double standard. Have you pointed that out to him yet? Using this example and I'm sure many others?

How is your relationship otherwise? Based on this one example, I am wondering how respectful of you he is.

[divine1966]

That’s terrible. The saddest thing is that your kids are watching their father saying “shut up” to their mother. They are learning that that’s ok. They are going to either be abusive themselves or choose abusive partners. I recommend seeing a therapist and address it ASAP.

[yagr]

I agree with what the other two posters above me said.

Originally Posted by mjrcherrychord

By the end of the night I had had it and wasn't going to take it any more. (I'm a fighter and I know in these situations I should be nice and just go along with it instead of fighting back and making it worse).

I don't agree with this. I mean, I'm not condoning fighting, or telling him to shut up, but I being 'nice' and going along with it wouldn't be my first choice either. He has a right to be in a bad mood and/or angry. He doesn't have the right to take it out on his family and you have a right to say something. Saying something and confronting poor behavior is not fighting.

[ArchieAus]

Having kids must increase the stress levels at times I imagine . I know it's what 80% of partners will do , but it shouldn't be discounted as complicating situations . You were in a good mood , one assumes your guy was pleased to be going to the ball game . One of your kids was in pain another being a pain which possibly complicated the outing . The way you describe it your guy certainly was wrong to be taking it out on you . If that's his pattern then he needs to take a look at himself and adjust his attitude . I'm only really going down this train of thought as I was in a store this morning picking up some golf balls for a game , my wife was at the salon getting her stuff done . We were scheduled to meet for lunch after . While I was waiting I was looking at a couple with way more kids than you would expect ( not sure if there was twins in there or something ? ) ***** was going on everywhere for them . Trying to stay out of the way with there prams , small child yelling , babies crying . The female looked as if she didn't have any blood in her face , her eyes lifeless just mechanically going about her business . The guy looked very agitated , trying to get some order amongst his troupe . They were exchanging looks which I wouldn't calling "loving" . I just watched them for a moment thinking , that must be tough at times .
I hope you and your guy have a chance to spend quality time together just being a couple on occasions . If you do it might be a perfect time to mention that your a team and there's no point in getting frustrated and nasty with each other ( even though he starts it )

[mjrcherrychord]

[QUOTE=golden_eve;6130960]Hello and welcome to PC.

So how did you feel when your husband told you to shut up? That is not what love involves -- love does not involve disrespect. No one should be telling anyone to "shut up." And yes, that is a double standard. Have you pointed that out to him yet? Using this example and I'm sure many others?

How is your relationship otherwise? Based on this one example, I am wondering how respectful of you he is.

I realize now how my first post came across. He's not abusive; just not a "nice" fighter. It's hard to explain. The thing is, when he does that kind of thing, I throw it right back at him. We have a great relationship but not when it comes to arguments. They can be really heated. They were a lot worse before he started a certain medication. But please don't get me wrong, I know no one deserves to be spoken to like that. And I have spoken to him about his double standards but it doesn't seem to go any where.

Originally Posted by mjrcherrychord

I realize now how my first post came across. He's not abusive; just not a "nice" fighter. It's hard to explain. The thing is, when he does that kind of thing, I throw it right back at him. We have a great relationship but not when it comes to arguments. They can be really heated. They were a lot worse before he started a certain medication. But please don't get me wrong, I know no one deserves to be spoken to like that. And I have spoken to him about his double standards but it doesn't seem to go any where.

Hmmm... well, not nice fighting can still be abusive. Telling someone to shut up in fact, is abusive. It's derogatory and mean. Yes, you're right -- no one deserves to be spoken to this way. If your convos about the double standards don't get anywhere, then you really don't have a voice in this relationship, I'm afraid. :/