Staying in bed

SorryShaped · May 30, 2018, 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Good for you for not having sex intoxicated. Just be careful as you’ve only met twice and you can’t possibly know what’s regular for her. Typically people who don’t drink don’t use alcohol to calm themselves before getting on a road and don’t drive intoxicated. Very reckless of her. Insisting on drunken sex isn’t very attractive either. I am not telling you to end it but proceed with caution, she sounds more trouble than it’s worth.

I'm going to be cautious anyway.
I'm also going to approach sex while we're both sober, and soon today. Why am I here talking to you about it? Cya

carcrashonrepeat · May 30, 2018, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

She did make it in. I'm still beyond p!$$3d that she drove inebriated, but I'm grateful she's safe. She kept wanting sex last night and I was not in a mindset to do so, which she didn't understand, but I persevered with it not happening. I was also very drunk by the time she got here and I won't when I've been drinking, especially the first time with someone.
At one point last night I started to understand something new to me, that I'm way too attached to everything in my life.

Oh deary... yeah I've been there. It happens. It sucks. Good on you for holding back while you're drunk. She'll appreciate it in the long run. I've been in her shoes and it was always an insult for me when I was high. Looking back, it made me feel insecure. It's a human response. Now that y'all are sober you can communicate your feelings and experience sex on way better if not healthier terms.

And thats a big step to be self-actualized about your attachments! Because then you can explore coping mechanisms and ways to manage those attachments and reduce your anxiety. Seriously, that's huge. I support you on your path and urge you to keep going

lady411 · May 30, 2018, 11:21 AM

Well sorryshaped I'm so sorry that your big day didn't work out the way you planned. But from what I read and see, maybe she was going thru the same mental ordeal of catastrophising as you were. Just trying to make everything go well. I say give her one more chance to redeem herself. Perhaps she had an off day.

SorryShaped · May 30, 2018, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lady411

Well sorryshaped I'm so sorry that your big day didn't work out the way you planned. But from what I read and see, maybe she was going thru the same mental ordeal of catastrophising as you were. Just trying to make everything go well. I say give her one more chance to redeem herself. Perhaps she had an off day.

She's got all the chance in the world. Every day is new for a reason.

Open Eyes · May 30, 2018, 01:15 PM

It sounds like this woman has similar damages you have SorryShaped. It sounds like both of you "want" to experience a positive healthy relationship but neither one of you actually know "how". So, while maybe both of you were excited, you also experienced fears and doubts. Both of you also wanted to have a positive sexual experience and because of the alcohol that did not work out. IMHO, it would be healthier to focus more on getting to know each other rather than focusing so much on having some kind of "good sex" experience and the "am I going to be good enough" thoughts.

Honestly, sometimes having things all fall apart as you described can get the fear of that out first and can open a door for a discussion that can be healing for both of you and bring you closer rather than these "expectations" you both had that was clearly causing BOTH of you to stress so much.

SorryShaped · May 30, 2018, 04:12 PM

Bit late for the sex thing. Amazing and super passionate and intimate

Erebos · May 30, 2018, 04:19 PM

Congrats, still tread carefully though.
All the best to you both.

divine1966 · May 30, 2018, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Bit late for the sex thing. Amazing and super passionate and intimate

Awesome news!!

Patagonia · May 30, 2018, 08:21 PM

Sorry, you just make me giggle & inspire me!! You know that? You’re tenacious. And I do hope it works out. Don’t play the victim & say “she chose the alcohol over you,” it was a choice of hers & hers alone.
And maybe you’re afraid of passion? Passion can resemble love a great deal. Give it time.
Enjoy!

SorryShaped · May 31, 2018, 06:09 PM

I'm afraid of being intimate, not sex or passion, but true open intimacy with someone. I figured that out in yoga tonight.
I am able to do it, with patience with myself