My ring

The one thing I said (promised actually) I would never do during this separation was take off my wedding ring, and up until this weekend I had not. There was something about this weekend that I felt like I needed to take it off. I do not feel good about this nor do I want it to be a sign that I am giving up on our marriage, I just don't know what to do. I have struggled and changed and gotten the help that I need and it just feels like I am going backwards. I know that she knows that I have changed and somewhere in her heart she wants to have me back, but the past is stopping her from doing so. I love my wife so very much, but I am at the point of saying "You know what I don't care anymore." And it scares the hell out of me. Not because I am co-dependent on her, but because from the day I met her I knew that I was in love with this woman and she was very special. I am at a loss and don't know what to do.

Well, here I am again, Dragon. I hope you don't mind.

It seems to me that you may feel that you're loosing your individuality, or maybe that she's not trying, too, as hard as you are. Maybe she's not as receptive to your changes as you wish she was?

To me, this feeling goes along with your disappointment of this weekend. You tried your darndest and she really didn't appreciate it. Can't say as I'd blame you if you threw your wedding ring as far as you could! That's not really what you want, though, is it?

It's just frustration of the moment, that what you had hoped would be a small step closer to getting together again and it didn't work out quite right. It may seem that way right now but give yourself time, give your wife time and give the counseling that you're getting time.

I hope your minister is doing right by you. In my experience, ministers aren't good marriage counselors. You might try looking for a Christian Marriage and Family Counselor. Just a thought.

I truly hope you succeed in your endeavors, Dragon!

Actually you are right I do not want to throw my ring, I want to put it back on. And I will! Our pastor is a great person and I trust his advice, he does not take sides and told us both like it is. He told me that I have dealt with my anger and that he sees a change. He told her that she has a wall up because of what has happened in the past and the more I push against this wall the stronger it becomes. I can't help but feel that this is all my fault and if I had been a better husband and father and listened to my wife telling me to get help that I would not be where I am rigth now. I am not throwing a pity party, it is just how I feel. I did not do those things to get a step closer to her, I just felt like they needed to be done. Oh well such is life.

dragonphoto, from another thread, I think you said you have been to only one marriage counseling session. Given your love for your wife, this is way too early to give up! I do not believe, as you wrote, that only one couples session means that you have "gotten the help that you need." Give the counseling a chance to work. You and your wife can learn new communication skills. And rediscover what brought you together in the first place. You've only just started. Why do you want to give up so soon? If things are not moving quickly enough, could you request 2 sessions a week from your couples counselor? Is your pastor/minister trained as a marriage counselor or a family therapist? I think it is really important that your counselor be a specialist with the right training for this. This may be your only chance to repair the marriage. I hope you will entrust this task to a person with the right training and experience.

If you feel you need to take the ring off right now, go ahead. (Your promise was just to yourself? Allow yourself to change your mind.) You can always put your ring on again tomorrow.

I am actually going to put my ring on right now. I have not given up I just don't know what she wants. My issues have been taken care of now we just need to work on the relationship side of it (what I broke). That is all.

fight for it hon!!! it is too soon to give up.