[TishaBuv]

When I was engaged, I moved in with him and worked at a jewelry store downtown. There was an elderly lady who was the stationery sales person, wedding consultant. Her job was to sit at her desk and wait for a bride to come in. She was very proper, and when she’d come back from lunch, I’d smell liquor on her breath.

One day, I don’t remember what I said to provoke it, she said to me, “You think you know everything. He shouldn’t marry you.”

I let her have it right then and there saying, “You and I work together and have a professional relationship. Let’s keep it professional.” And she grumbled an apology.

IDK, I’ve been thinking about that lately. Just thinking if she was right and saw something terrible in me.

I don’t think I act like someone who thinks they know everything.

Maybe I’m just beating myself up a little now for a failed marriage.

What am I putting out there that people see and I don’t?

[TishaBuv]

I think she ridiculed me when it was Christmas rush, and this old-school store had a policy that every sales person had to hand wrap what they sold, even hand-making an ornamental bow. I wasn’t even making commission, yet I still refused to wrap the items I sold and was asking for anyone else to do it for me, someone who wasn’t selling and was in the back. Their policy was the stupidest thing ever! There were customers waiting to buy something while I was supposed to be wrapping merchandise in the back. It was ridiculous. We were losing sales. Plus, my wrapping skills are horrible. The hand made bow pushed me right off the deep end.

The “you think you know everything” part really wouldn’t have bothered me, because yes, in this case, I did think I was right and the store was stupid and I told them so. But how she said “he shouldn’t marry you” really stuck with me.

C’mon, everybody knows you don’t leave customers waiting to buy that can walk out. You sell to them first then have them wait for their wrapped present from someone else who wraps it in the back. Plus, I wasn’t loud and obnoxious about my distaste for their policy. I politely refused to do it and pleaded for someone else to do it. I had to plead with these idiots for THEM to make money.

[TishaBuv]

So would an employee who is not a know-it-all like me, just shut up and wrap the present for 15 minutes with a store full of customers as instructed?

I’m sorry, to me that is just stupid.

If I am a hard to deal with person in that respect then boo hoo for everybody else.

Plus— this woman had sat at that desk for 40 years before I came to the store. Maybe she was worried I’d tell them how stupid her job was and she’d be out! Ha!

[TishaBuv]

She didn’t even sell. She just sat there very elegant and drunk, at her desk. If it was very busy, she might get up and show someone something, but she didn’t speak, she didn’t sell.

I did get along great with everyone else there. There was another salesman who had been there forever who really liked me. He was extremely knowledgeable and I learned from him.

Maybe she was right, I didn’t know everything. Maybe the store didn’t want to make money. Maybe they let her be a drain on them as well for some unknown reason. It was a family owned store. Maybe they didn’t want to show a profit???

[TishaBuv]

Now I’m reluctant to go back to my bible study class because I’ve become too oppositional and vocal. The last time I went, I got into it about dressing “immodestly” (I’m all for it!) And I’m hesitant about going back today because I don’t want to cause conflict.

It was also a disagreement regarding women’s rights.

Here I met these lovely, authentic people that I’d like to be friends with, but they will try to get me to, and I will have to conform to their ways, and I don’t want to. I wonder if I am just pulling away just because that’s what I tend to do. I don’t ever fit in with a group. Is this part of a disorder that I may or may not have?

[Erebos]

Since your quite vocal on people's individual rights, e.g a woman's right to dress how she pleases.
Why choose a conservative grouping to try and make friends with?

Is this a pattern? Do you often try to assimilate into groups with oppositional views to your own?

Do you find yourself at loggerheads and then decide there's something wrong with either you or them because you can't meet in the middle? Or compromise?

Or is this bible study thing a one off?

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by Erebos

Since your quite vocal on people's individual rights, e.g a woman's right to dress how she pleases.
Why choose a conservative grouping to try and make friends with?

Is this a pattern? Do you often try to assimilate into groups with oppositional views to your own?

Do you find yourself at loggerheads and then decide there's something wrong with either you or them because you can't meet in the middle? Or compromise?

Or is this bible study thing a one off?

Good question!

I met them through another friend who recruited me to meet them for a free trip to Israel. I did not have much particular interest in bible study or travel to Israel. Yet, I went for the trip with an open mind. I was not especially moved or inspired from the journey, TBH. What I came away with was that the leaders are wonderful, genuine people and I enjoy helping them in their mission.

But, here I am at a crossroad. While I support their ideals, I don’t see things the same way. I’m like the hooker with the heart of gold, lol!

I was saying to the leader at the last class, “Don’t think you are going to get ME back on the farm!”

I meet so many phonies, users, and cons, it is so nice to know someone so honest who really walks the walk.

[TishaBuv]

Yes, maybe I don’t feel like I fit in, because I just go with whatever comes my way. Then when I don’t feel right, I go looking for something else. Maybe this is part of “my disorder” (I’m even confused whether I have one; shaky sense of identity, push/pull...)

I didn’t go to the class. I really think I’ve blown them off. Yes, this is a pattern for me. Hmmmm

[divine1966]

I think you need to self actualize yourself so you can accept yourself and be authentic. You don’t seem to know yourself well

If going on a trip to Israel or attend bible studies is not your thing , then why do you? It’s not authentic or natural to you, so don’t do it. Going to conservative group and argue about their values might be pointless and unnecessary stressful. If political issues or civil rights is your thing, then try to join those groups?

That lady in the store was rude but honestly arguing with employers policy or not rolling with it might not be the best thing. If you can’t wrap gifts fast and neat, that maybe wasn’t a job for you. There are ton of jobs I’d suck at but I’d never even attempt them (unless I wanted to learn them). Saying that, that woman could keep her mouth close or complain to a manager, not be rude to you

[eskielover]

Maybe they let her be a drain on them as well for some unknown reason. It was a family owned store.

Maybe she was a family member they wouldn't claim to be family but couldn't do anything else with her.

I believe in women's rights to be equal or I wouldn't have been the ONLY woman computer design engineer in the company I worked at in tbe late 1970's- 1980's......but I don't belueve women need to dress immodestly because it i ly causes the kind of attreacton they then usually ***** about. My question is what PURPOSE does it serve? That is the question I attach to ALL my behaviors.

Am I chosing to be contradictory to be the devils advocate.....yes some times but they all know when I'm doing that too.

I have spent the last 11 years learning exactly what I believe & why.....NOT based on my living with anyone....just me & my own beliefs & thoughts not influenced by anyone else, not trying to be oppositional because I had the need to be heard. I spent the whole first years if my marriage feelung the need to be that way because I wanted everyone to KNOW that I was NOT the kibd on woman who would be forced into a barefoot & pregnant life & pribably took on the fighting stance to PROVE myself even when I didn't need to.

Love life now because most of my friends are in exactly the same situation as I am no matter how they ended up getting there.....older age tends to mellow one out.

If someone talks down to me, I just have a tendency to talk to them on a technical level & they get the point without my having to say anything more.

Oh, would have loved a free trip to Isreal. That is really the ONLY place I want to travel to.....but wirh my farm, that will never happen so I just keep it on my wish list.

I have been a rebel all my life but a quiet one for my first 21 years. Got more aggressive during my 33 years I was married & living with my H. Now that I know myself I don't feel the need any more...I jyst stand for what I believe only if confronted on the topics....but it took me years to get my thoyghts & understandings to know exactoy WHAT I believe & WHY which is the most important aspect IMO.

[unaluna]

Yeah a guy at my job when i was engaged told me not to do it too! I wish i had listened!

As for the bow-tying, someone should have told you to practice wrapping and tying at home until you became fast at it, then you could have increased your own sales. Hindsight is 20/20 tho.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

When I was engaged, I moved in with him and worked at a jewelry store downtown. There was an elderly lady who was the stationery sales person, wedding consultant. Her job was to sit at her desk and wait for a bride to come in. She was very proper, and when she’d come back from lunch, I’d smell liquor on her breath.

One day, I don’t remember what I said to provoke it, she said to me, “You think you know everything. He shouldn’t marry you.”

I let her have it right then and there saying, “You and I work together and have a professional relationship. Let’s keep it professional.” And she grumbled an apology.

IDK, I’ve been thinking about that lately. Just thinking if she was right and saw something terrible in me.

I don’t think I act like someone who thinks they know everything.

Maybe I’m just beating myself up a little now for a failed marriage.

What am I putting out there that people see and I don’t?

This is messed up, I wouldn't be making a big deal about it. Each and his own, each to his own - there's no point in making up conclusions based on what some person you do not like makes

Originally Posted by unaluna

Yeah a guy at my job when i was engaged told me not to do it too! I wish i had listened!

As for the bow-tying, someone should have told you to practice wrapping and tying at home until you became fast at it, then you could have increased your own sales. Hindsight is 20/20 tho.

Funny, I had a case like that with a woman. I got this sensation that her life may not come out as she'd want
However, I cannot provide the resources which her SO could potentially provide, so there's that dilemma
Although objectively speaking, were we in a relationship I would have that drive to work hard, and really hard
But without that relationship, my life is... kind of meaningless, especially when you find a relationship which you think can really really work out

[TishaBuv]

Aw Beast, you are waiting for your Beauty.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Aw Beast, you are waiting for your Beauty.

Yeah, and learn how to treat her right