Hey guys, I have complained about this fast food supervisor who got mad bc I "looked up to her" and "really liked her." Turned out it was really bc I overstepped boundaries and stalked her (without really intending to). Long story short, she stopped liking me. Hell, she don't give a rats *** about me.

My question is, when people gets mad enough to never wanna see you again, is there any chance they'll come back around eventually? Other people that I looked up to also reacted the same way as this supervisor. It's been several years now and these people still won't come back around but eventually one of them will, right?

Maybe I just need to give them lots of space.

Another question is, if anything good happens to me, would they care? Like if I receive a promotion, get engaged/married, etc. They seemed to care when their other colleagues (current and former) goes through good times and bad times.

[divine1966]

They aren’t your friends or family. They are former supervisors. It’s unrealstic to expect them to care or acknowledge something especially years later. I wouldn’t waste my energy on worrying if they will come around or not.

[unaluna]

Probably not. Ive lost my share of coworkers who i thought were friends too. Not everybody makes allowances for our quirks forever.

[~Christina]

No people generally care, especially if you crossed boundaries.

Have you talked to your Therapist about these unresolved feelings toward people you have/are work for ?

[SeekerSeeking]

Hi,
First, I think it is really good that you are 'owning' over-stepping boundaries. That's a good thing. Now, learn from that--change your behavior and don't repeat it. Maybe if they see you have genuinely learned from the experience--they might give you a second chance.

But don't learn and change FOR them==do it FOR you. Sounds like you've had this problem before. It's not working for you--so learn from it, change and grow. If you need help doing that, talk to a therapist.

I don't know if they'd care if something good happens to you. Why do you care that they do? Maybe it is easier for them to be care about others because they didn't feel the others jumping boundaries; and are afraid if they did with you it might start the whole thing over again.

Be your best you.

Originally Posted by ruby2011

Hey guys, I have complained about this fast food supervisor who got mad bc I "looked up to her" and "really liked her." Turned out it was really bc I overstepped boundaries and stalked her (without really intending to). Long story short, she stopped liking me. Hell, she don't give a rats *** about me.

My question is, when people gets mad enough to never wanna see you again, is there any chance they'll come back around eventually? Other people that I looked up to also reacted the same way as this supervisor. It's been several years now and these people still won't come back around but eventually one of them will, right?

Maybe I just need to give them lots of space.

Another question is, if anything good happens to me, would they care? Like if I receive a promotion, get engaged/married, etc. They seemed to care when their other colleagues (current and former) goes through good times and bad times.

Well, you did complain about the supervisor and they're not like family members who are (supposed) to love you unconditionally
People outside are very dismissive, and rather much more quickly than a family member
So unlikely, don't rely on that

[mote.of.soul]

My question is, when people gets mad enough to never wanna see you again, is there any chance they'll come back around eventually?

Well, the truth is, yes, there is a very slim chance they will come back around again, but although it might be a difficult for you to do, I wouldn't pin my hopes on them suddenly turning around and reaching out their hand in friendship. Just continue to respect their boundaries. That's what I'd do.

Another question is, if anything good happens to me, would they care?

Well, maybe if they're not totally heartless then, yes, they might secretly be happy for you, as they might be happy for anyone, but again, I would not really indulge in too much speculation about that and just respect the current boundaries of the former work colleagues and also respect the position of the current work colleagues.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by ruby2011

Hey guys, I have complained about this fast food supervisor who got mad bc I "looked up to her" and "really liked her." Turned out it was really bc I overstepped boundaries and stalked her (without really intending to). Long story short, she stopped liking me. Hell, she don't give a rats *** about me.

My question is, when people gets mad enough to never wanna see you again, is there any chance they'll come back around eventually? Other people that I looked up to also reacted the same way as this supervisor. It's been several years now and these people still won't come back around but eventually one of them will, right?

Maybe I just need to give them lots of space.

Another question is, if anything good happens to me, would they care? Like if I receive a promotion, get engaged/married, etc. They seemed to care when their other colleagues (current and former) goes through good times and bad times.

No, they will not come back around. If a scorpion stings you do you go back and see if it will sting you again? No, you just stay away and stay safe.

No, they will not care if anything good happens to you because you are not part of their lives. They do not spend time obsessing over you the way you continue to obsess over them. If they hear something good happened, then maybe they'll think "good for her" but they won't dwell on it or reach out or anything. It's not part of their life, so they aren't going to even think about it.

The kind of space you need to give them is letting it go, moving on, making new friends and learning how to behave appropriately with them. You burned your bridges with those other people, meaning you can't cross back over them.

Are you talking to your therapist? Why are you still obsessing about these people?

Seesaw

Ruby, I think you need to still absorb the fact that stalking is wrong, harassment is wrong, and that you pissed off your supervisor by doing so. She almost had to threaten a restraining order on you because you insisted upon becoming friendlier with her. As Seesaw points out, you have burned a bridge with that supervisor. Do not expect her to care about your well-being. When you piss people off and harass them, you are going to get negative reactions. I don't think you have fully absorbed the repercussions of your actions yet. Yes, it is time to move forward and to let it go. Learn from your past mistakes, but don't keep reliving them.

So basically, if a bridge is burnt, the effects are permanent. I don't like the sound of that. It's funny how when children fight and piss each other off, they make up relatively quickly, but when adults have a conflict, they could possibly never talk to each other again. I burn bridges bc I didn't previously know that I was doing anything wrong.

I read stuff on the internet about people with Aspergers stalking others. They do so out of intent to make friends. They had ZERO bad intentions. They had no idea they were making people uncomfortable. Then they get bewildered when they get consequences, such as getting arrested. As I was reading up on this, I was like, "OMG sounds a lot like me!"

People expect us to know things that we're clueless about. I guess that's why they don't make very much allowances.

[Taylor27]

I think it's best to give up on the idea that your going to be friends with them. They wont care about you, i think it's best to avoid them and go on in your life

[eskielover]

Even for neurotypical people, people come & go out of our lives & if we piss off someone they are no longer a part of oyr lives unless a REAL relationship existed in the first place, not JUST a workplace acquaintance that ONLY existed at work.

You pissed her off before there could ever be a relationship & what relatilnship you thought existed was only in your mind. She was just being NICE to you up to the point your behavior became offensive to her because that is "just what managers do" She felt no connection to you & then crossing boundaries insured that she didn't want a connection.

When people are out of our life it is not normal to think about them or have anything more to do with them espwcially when there was no REAL connectikn there in the first place or the cinnection was only one sided (only in your mind)

Yes, adult relatiknships are nothing like kid relationships but if yiu really look at ut, those kid relationships were usually just on tje playground or in the neighbirhood & were not REAL long term relationships either. People come together & in most cases unless a person's behavior us really obnoxious, will work out diffetences for the time they are together but usually after time all go iff in their own directions. Very seldom do we stay in touch when paths tske different directions.

Why are you still holding onto the NEED/DESIRE to have this supervisor like you?

Because I want what other ppl have. My supervisor cares about other people who works with her. Sure they slowly lose touch when they stop working together, but she doesn’t hate them either. If they were to run into each other in public, she would ask them how they been and spend some time catching up. In fact, I seen it happen with other people who’re no longer with the company. They go into the store as customers and my supervisor was happy as hell to see them.

I lost touch with many former colleagues, but I know they still like me. I ran into a few of them recently while shopping and we caught up with each other. I doubt my supervisor would do the same for me. She intensely dislike me bc she changed.

[eskielover]

She intensely dislike me bc she changed.

NO!!!!. She didn't change or she wouldn't be friendly to anyone. She reacted to your poor behavior. What you are experienxing is tbe negative consequence that your pior behavior caused....that is not her changing. It was a forced reaction & behavior like that would cause anyone to stay away for fear if they were tp be friendly in any way it would encourage your bad behavior all over again...when people are treated the way you treated your supervisor their only choice is to set boundaries & keep a complete distance.

You still need to STOP blaming her for the situation YOU CAUSED.