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#1
Jun 05, 2018, 04:43 PM
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My boyfriend and I are madly in love, I have no desire to look or talk to other men as he is all that I want. I'm a mother of three and was formerly in an abusive marriage for 18 years. I have self esteem issues with my body and even tho my bf tells me daily he loves my body idk how to believe him and feel happy about it. I recently discovered he frequently visits porn sites and live cam chat rooms when im not around. When we r together all I can do is compare myself with those images and i feel ugly, embarrassed of my body and inadequate. Its not so much the fact that he looks at it, i think its more of the fact that they all look perfect and nothing like me. I love him so much but it deeply bothers me so much and idk what to do....
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 Skeezyks
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#2
Jun 06, 2018, 03:04 PM
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Hello JustAWoman: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral!
 I hope you find the website to be of benefit.  I'm sorry I cannot be of help with regard to your concerns. Hopefully some other members, here on PC, will have some experiences, & perhaps advice, they can share.  One other forum, here on PC, you might consider posting in with regard to this is the women-focused support forum. Here's a link:https://forums.psychcentral.com/women-focused-support/ As you can probably imagine, this is a topic that has come up before here on PC. Here are links to some other members' questions on this subject along with the answers the original posters received: https://answers.psychcentral.com/sto...-instead-of-me https://answers.psychcentral.com/sto...-watching-porn https://answers.psychcentral.com/sto...of-my-feelings https://answers.psychcentral.com/sto...el-inadequate- https://answers.psychcentral.com/sto...l-relationship Also... here are links to 2 articles, from PsychCentrals archives, that relate to the topic of self-esteem & body image: https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-tips...-and-sex-life/ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-se...n-self-esteem/ My best wishes to you... 
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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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#3
Jun 06, 2018, 04:09 PM
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Welcome to the forum.
I won't lie, but a guy looking at porn even when in a committed relationship is totally normal. It's to the point where I think I'd be more shocked to hear a guy doesn't look at something. However, it's important to understand he probably doesn't compare you to porn stars, and is probably genuine in his comments about your looks. It sounds like you've got a good thing going, so try to take confidence from him, as for most this behaviour is normal. |
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#4
Jun 06, 2018, 04:20 PM
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I'm sorry, but I disagree and have strong opinions on this. Why does it not bother you that he is chatting live with porn actresses? Do you not realize that that is practically a form of cheating? He is doing sex talk with other women, and that doesn't bother you at all? Asking them to do things for him, take their clothes off for him and do sexual acts to turn him on and get him off? I may be off the mark here in even posting this & may get a lot of flack for it, but that would severely bother me in a committed relationship, and I would have serious doubts about my boyfriend's commitment level towards me. And not every man looks at porn. My boyfriend does NOT and believes it is a form of cheating when in a relationship, and I agree with that stance. He tells me I am everything he could ever want in a woman and he doesn't feel the need OR desire and he thinks it's disrespectful of me to boot.
And not everyone thinks or believes it's normal for men to look at porn while in a committed relationship. That's just an excuse for men to use.. "it's normal' and then women are taught & conditioned to accept this. Bottom line is, it's destructive to many relationships (not all, but many), it makes many women feel insecure about themselves, and like they are not sexy enough for their man. I would approach him with how much it bothers & upsets you, and see what he says and does. That will be the true test. But if it were me, and I caught my boyfriend doing sex chatting, it would have been over. Last edited by Anonymous40643; Jun 06, 2018 at 05:21 PM. |
 eskielover
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#5
Jun 06, 2018, 07:08 PM
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Quote:
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#6
Jun 06, 2018, 11:07 PM
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I'm with golden eye on this. Society wants you to believe that "it's just a guy thing" so that guys have that excuse to indulge. I definitely would not be comfortable with that... I too struggle with body image, so if I knew my guy actively looked at and engaged in internet sex chats it would rip me apart. To me that's cheating, and worse yet it's with much hotter women than I could ever be... Porn is one thing, and I'm not comfortable with that either, but the live cam chats would definitely be a no-go for me.
This is about you though, so you need to decide what you're comfortable with. If you're not comfortable with it and it doesn't gross you out enough to break it off without giving him a chance to change, then ask him about it. He might not be willing or able to change it though, so you might have to consider if you can handle it if he can't change.
__________________
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| eskielover
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#7
Jun 07, 2018, 04:30 PM
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If something bothers you, it doesn’t matter what other people find “normal”.
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| Candy1955, ShadowGX
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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