Another friend

I had a friend breakup with me this morning. This adds to my hurt. I'm totally shutting myself down for a while. Going to just isolate and not bother anyone, so you'll know why I've gone dark here too. I'm tired of hurting people and being hurt by people. I gotta say I really hate life right now. Good luck everyone. Bye

I'm awfully sorry to hear that. Take care of yourself. I personally would go on a solitary hike where society can't mess with you .

We'll be here for you if needed.

Maybe a good quiet time to reflect on the causes of this happening in therapy?

I'm sorry for what happened.

It is probably for the best. It's the woman I had stay over for a few days. The problem is that, even with all the incompatibilities, I love her though I'm not in love with her. I'm going for a walk in a few, already been out for some bicycling this morning. I'm definitely not through the depression at all, and this really didn't help things. Maybe Nutche will be in the park today.

I hope you can clear some air about all this and get your spirits back in good standing.
I do have to add that when I read your posts about you shutting down and isolating yourself it makes almost makes me jealous that you have the ability to do that. As a pregnant, homemaker, mother of three, I find it difficult to find the time to do that. Sometimes I am in need of some isolation myself. Enjoy your time to yourself & reflect on your life. ☺

Thing is, I didn't isolate or shut down. I got out and it felt good. I went out four times today, to try to exhaust myself. It was almost enough. It's like the sun charges me up. I looked at people drinking beer at 4pm and really felt sorry for them. I saw the couple arguing in the park and thought it sad to argue when in some place so beautiful.
I do think Nutche could be dead. I saw a squirrel with his markings on the road. I'll miss that little squirrel. Two friends in one day. Ugh.
But I did contact an old friend that I've been missing.

interestingly enough you say you went out a lot and the sun charged you up. my son was in crisis and ended up in the hospital for 10 days. One thing they found (and his mother said this prior to the docs) that he needs vitamin D. he has supplements and I say this in relation to your being out in the sun and that's one thing that many people could use a lot more of (including myself) Keep getting out, you donjt' have to be overly involved with others but be out and moving and I think you'll be doing yourself a lot of good.

I'm sorry for the losses you've recently had. Hope it gets better and hope that doesn't take too long.

And then today someone else showed huge interest in me, sexually. I told her not right now, but thanks and I'm flattered

And I felt really stupid about this ever since. What is wrong with me? This could have been a good thing. I'm such an idiot

I wouldn't call it being an idiot.....more like your wise mind was finally in control

But it isn't being smart. I'm going to be alone forever. This could have been THE one. I threw it away. She was mad because I said no.
I'm not going to turn women down any more. I'm not saying I'm going to sleep with any and all, but I'm not going to say no to offers within reason for things like a beverage or a date or something.
This keeps rolling in my head. I hate it.
I'm up early again. Gonna go run a bit before I go help people today.

A decent woman wouldn't have gotten mad. A decent woman would have been understanding. Women like that will NEVER be THE ONE.

One doesn't fill that forever position by trying on every woman that comes along....that comes from being discerning as to what you want in a woman for that position in the first place & not wasting time with those who don't fit. Taking time to know the person not even in a dating environment can give that kind of information.

If this has been your philosophy in picking women it is no wonder why you have ended up with the ones you have.

Gotta say being alone is a 1000 times better than being with the wrong person unless all you are really interested in is sex & having someone in bed next to you.

You are absolutely right. The problem right now is handling the loneliness. If it means I become a slut then fine, I won't be as lonely at least.
I read what I just wrote several times. Gross! That's not me and it is not healthy!
I didn't go running or walking.
Loneliness is crushing me and I'm apparently still at least some manic. I need a cuddle buddy to sleep with but not have sex. Don't suggest a pet because I can't be responsible for another life right now.
I do need to be discerning. I need a strong woman that works out with me sometimes and loves to stay active in all four corners of being: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Morning sex is a huge plus.
I'm very mixed up and that brief moment of clarity just now was both good and depressing at the same time. Odds are she doesn't exist.

Find a stuffed animal that is cuddly....they don't require any maintenance or responsibility.

As for what you are looking for, you will NEVER find that without being discerning. You will continue gettkng the losers you seem to be attracting.

The definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing & expecting a different result. I think you have proved your results are all the same with this technique.

Learning to deal with loneliness in life with the help of your therapy might be more beneficial to put your energy into.

Ex-wife is kind of asking me out and I'm not even responding. She'll figure it out?