I think i have no ability to open up and receive comfort from others - not family or friends and least of all my therapist. I have yet to cry which she thinks is stopping my growth. The thought of someone wrapping their arms around me while Im crying is both an incredibly frightening shocking event and yet what I most desire in life. Ok. Well.... today I've been writing allot of realizations yet not asking many questions.. Please feel free to write back so this post doesnt linger in e-purgatory.

[(JD)]

hmmm quit thinking about it. ya know? we all have the ability but things block us from stuff sometimes... something about trying to "protect" ourselves.

so your T thinks you need to cry. ok. forcing it won't work. but it's nice that your T has given you permission to do so... when you're ready, eh?

I still don't truly accept other's positive comments. (But those negative ones are ingrained in my body forever, immediately, without argument--go figure)

So I have to try and remember to say Thank you (and not add a negative comment afterward) or something like that was nice of you to say so...

it's a habit to not trust or believe people... at least now I can recognize it as a formed opinion/problem...

maybe by hearing these things from your T will allow you to agree or not, and at least be knowledgeable... and then, with time, change ?

(glad to keep any post from e-purgatory)

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[gloria]

I made somebody feel very uncomfortable once. A friend came from behind me and gave me a big hug. I didn't feel much like being a huggy type of person and quickly reacted pushing her back. Everybody tought I was a *****. I am not, but I have my space and don't you dare invade it, unless I invite you to.

If it makes you uncomfortable to think about somebody hugging you while you are crying, so be it, that is how you are. There are many other ways to deal with emotions, maybe it is just a matter of finding the way of dealing with them that works for you. So, just keep on looking.

gab

[betty_3]

I went thru this to due to being severly traumatized...I just numbed out so I couldn't feel anything, except for the joy I received from watching my children grow up (part of PTSD). I was in survival mode. With therapy and loving and caring people WE turned this around. I can feel now both the good feelings (comfort and joy), and the other type. The negative feelings had to be redefined for me to understand them. Like, tears sometimes are because it hurts.

Were you traumatized by someone or something? Are you being treated by your therapist for PTSD? As you learn to trust yourself and others, this will probably turn around for you, too.

With love.