I think my Ex is Posing as Someone Else On Another Forum

Well, my ex fiance saga continues...

Now, mind you, I am not hurt, I am not really all that perturbed by this... I am more so annoyed, and well, I think it's pitiful, ultimately..... I actually could almost laugh, LOL.

On another mental health forum where my ex fiance and I met, I believe that he is now posing as a new member, with a different username, writing about his other ex fiance before me, bemoaning the loss of her and saying that she was the love of his life, and still is, even though she cheated on him, 3-4 years ago.

The details of their relationship as described by this member are very similar to what he told me about her.

I actually responded to the post, LOL...

What this means? IF he is posing, he is simply trying to hurt me because he knows I am with someone else and that I am very happy with him.

What it also means to me? Well, it's very pathetic that he still feels he needs to play these mind games with me, after ALL these months.

What it also means to me? WOW. I am SO thankful I am out of that relationship, with someone who clearly is beyond immature (well, we knew that already!!!) and that I have the love of a mature man who treats me right and who doesn't play such mind games.

I just thought I'd post this and see what others say. I am pretty much over it.

What did you say when you responded?

Well, I acted as though I wasn't at all suspicious. I replied to the post as though it truly were a different member and not him.

I simply asked him the question: why still mourn the loss of someone three years later, who cheated on you, while engaged, and who clearly didn't give a damn about you or your feelings.... I said that she did a very crappy thing to him, betrayed him and showed her true colors... so, move on and find someone who will treat you right, who will be faithful and honest.

IF it is him, he will have no clue that I am suspicious it's him.

Lol. You are a good friend.

Hehe. As they say, kill em with kindness. LOL.

I wouldn’t worry about it.

It might not be him at all.

Or if it’s him, his ex might not (and likely did not) cheated on him or treated him bad and it’s just one of his stupid things. Bet he treated her like crap and lived off her and when she said “enough”, he made up all this nonsense. It’s possible he cheated on
her. Abusers and cheaters often try to shift blame. Bet he says you treated him bad too.

If you think it’s him just ignore it. Try to let it all go. Maybe get off that forum for awhile

Yeah, it's really more laughable to me...... I don't need to take a break from there.. I am not upset over it.. I think she did cheat on him, but you're right. Who knows what the REAL truth is/was given what a liar he is, but who cares, right? LOL.

he's your ex why even care what forums he posts on and as who? enjoy your new mate and leave the past in the past. this is doing you no good to dwell on this.

Not dwelling... just posting about the fact that it's very immature of him.

well good. I'm glad you're not. stuff about him really isn't going to add to your life, only annoy you and stuff. my only point is focus on what is good and right and avoid what is not wherever possible.

But why do you think it’s him? Ton of people have exes they are dwelling on regardless how they were treated.

But what if it’s him? He made a new user name, which people do all the time and is posting about his other ex.

By replying to him (thinking it’s him) you send a message that you care that he is thinking about ruined relationship with his ex. You think he is posting for your sakes but he might think you are reading and replying for his sakes.

If you think it’s him, replying asking why is he not over his ex might appear just as “immature” as him posting whatever he is posting. It also might appear as you are jealous of his ex and still isn’t over him. Things could appear different ways to different people

I hope time will heal all this. It just seems to not contributing anything of value to your life

Huh? That's getting way too deep into the analysis of it all, I think.

I didn't ask why he wasn't over his ex in my response to him....
He would never know that I suspect it's him, based on what I wrote.

Anyways, the fact that I replied is not of great importance. The main point is, I believe it may be him, the details were very similar and identical, except for one detail.

But you're right -- it is not contributing value to my life. I guess for me, IF it's him, it means he's still trying to hurt me, even now.. luckily, it's not hurting me.

You and I have kind of similar things going on.

My ex’s girlfriend has been doing very creepy things to me. But a lot of weird things have happened some which were legitimately her, and some I’m not so sure. She sent me that chocolate fake poo in a box which said “Eat sh**” My ex would never do it. The thing cost $15 plus shipping and he’s too cheap; N and I both compared notes about how he barely could be bothered to pay for a dinner for us. Plus, he hasn’t responded to anything from me or contacted me since 3/6, even legit questions asking if he’d been tested in all this mess so I could bring the info to my doc. I began receiving more weird mail after that (you may have seen the thread), and continue to. Only the chocolate, and a packet of brochures on psychosis and schizophrenia (wrong dx, moron) I’m sure were her. The rest are super weird, and nothing that I’ve received in all my years of living on my own...but they’re so ambiguous I don’t know what she’d be trying to tell me by sending them. I think she probably just signed me up for a bunch of random mailing lists. Ooooooooh. You bad. *eye roll* I also had someone attempt to get into my private Instagram the other morning (I have two). My phone has the password memorized, I haven’t been in that account in over a week, and yet I received an email asking if I were having trouble getting in. It’s a huge leap to say it’s her...but she IS that weird.

Point is that all of these shenanigans have served to do only one thing, and that is make me a little paranoid, which was probably the purpose, and keep me focused on J. He doesn’t care about me. I don’t care about him. But, the more I have to deal with her idiocy, the more I’m reminded that he had a damn girlfriend while he was encouraging me to take an assignment in Tennessee, while he was telling me how safe he felt with me, while he was telling me I made him feel that he could finally be open blah blah blah. And I don’t want to think about it.

I have wondered if certain accounts on here were him. I have wondered if certain accounts on another site were him. I have wondered if he were stalking my public Instagram, all while telling myself that I didn’t care, that it didn’t matter. Reality is that he’s not—he doesn’t think of me. And I know this might be upsetting, but it is dwelling. I know I’m doing it, too.

Even if the account were his, what is gained by responding to it rather than walking away? I mean, I probably would have done the same thing *hangs head* But that’s why I’m asking.

PS I haven’t read through the whole thread so if all of this has been asked and answered, I apologize!

Hmm.. you pose a good question. I suppose even though I don't want to dwell, this action on his part, if true, does in effect keep me focused on him, whether I want to be or not.


Very sorry for all the annoying trouble you've been experiencing, btw. Something is wrong with that girl.

Yuppers.

I don’t understand how she can excuse him. She has to know I’m at least telling some truth. It’s a case of willful ignorance. I had it with him, too, but once the truth was patently obvious, I had to leave. I have too much self-respect. What’s worse is brought her teenaged daughter into it; she tried to friend me on Instagram. I’m like, lady! It is wholly inappropriate for her to be knowing about our conversations re: cheating, STDs, and how you have sex with him! Just...messy. Total dumpster fire.

There is a part of me that thinks he may be thinking of marrying her. That bothers me, though I am not sure why. It’s only because she doesn’t ask questions, and doesn’t push at him. Not because he’s stopped cheating. Pfft, he is part of so many open relationships it is ridiculous. Not to mention his side chicks.

Sorry. I hijacked your thread.

Yeah, we both need to be past our ex's, right?

Makes me wonder if this dude posted all that crap for attention.

Some people... my ex of 9 years recently contacted me that he has lung cancer in advanced stages and is dying. We were together for 9 years and I left him 4 years ago and got married 2 years ago, which he knows about. I occasionally keep in touch with his kids and my daughter is Facebook friends with his kids and went toschool with one so I was surprised no one said anything. I asked his kids (they are doctors and are very involved with him) and they said he is healthy, working and is well and has no cancer at all. He is lonely and likely was buzzed (reason I left him) when he said that to me. They felt bad he said that to me.

Really. Why do such things? Make up that he has cancer? And is dying? He is educated high level professional andhe makes up stuff for attention?

I let it go but I was irritated like heck. My mom had advanced cancer and it is just not funny

Sorry to hijack but just shows how far people go to get their exes attention

I was doing really well. Something caused me to slip backward in the last week or two, and I don’t really know what it was. Of course, I have thought about the fact that the melancholy could have origins which have absolutely nothing to do with them, but since it is just ambiguously there, I’ve pinned it on an existing situation.

I tend to absorb the goings-on around me. Some people call that being an empath, I just think that I’m sensitive to other people and to the climate around me. I learned to be hyper vigilant in my early childhood. And the climate hasn’t been the most uplifting, lately.

ANYWAY. Your thread.

Good Lord. That is to the extreme, no doubt. WOW.

Onwards and forward..... we go..... one step forward, two steps back sometimes..... same here.

If it was your ex, and he posted the thread thinking it would get to you, that’s why I said you were a good friend in your response to him. You might have called him out and gone off on him, and maybe he is some poor, random guy.

Exactly -- and that's why I made sure I was super nice in my response. And if it isn't him, I was super nice and perhaps (hopefully) helpful to him!

And if it was him, he knows it’s you who answered his anonymous issue with the gf before you. And that’s funny for all of us to have a chuckle over.

I once did something that gave me, and only me, such a laugh that was similar to what you did.

Ten years ago, when I first separated, I reconnected with an old bf on fb (that’s when I first got on and found everybody again). He was “divorced” and we met up. There was still plenty of chemistry. He mentioned he was on Match.com.

I did a little research (public records) and saw he was not yet divorced...so he lied.

I checked him out on match.com and saw how me says in his profile he is an atheist. I am by no means an atheist, but I thought it would be hilarious for me to make a profile and say I was an atheist and then Match would definitely match us together and we would have a laugh about it. So, I made the profile with no photo or my actual name, as I was merely separated, not divorcing, and wrote I read Bertrand Russell. Of course it did match us, and of course, he did hit on the mystery profile, which was me, but he didn’t know it.

He had gone on vacation and when he got back, he texted me, “What’s new, pussycat?” And then I see seconds later, he wrote to mystery me with the same BS line! So, I called him and told him what I did and I was laughing that it was funny. But he didn’t think so, and that was the end of him. but, honestly, I found it so funny, I don’t even care about the consequences. I feel that if he were right for me, he’d have laughed, too.

LOL. That's pretty funny.