[Aviza]

If I move out on my own. My brother says it's selfish of me and it really pisses my family off. They say they won't be there if i crack up again. I am tired of living under my mother's wing. I can't even decorate my own space. I am glad they have been there for me but honestly i need to grow up sometime. I do waver but am mostly leaning towards moving just because i need to, i prayed to, i don't know how to relate my feelings verbally to my brother in a way he would understand. He ended with fine do what you want. Your so selfish.

Hi Aviza

Would it help to write something down and give it to him ...
Saying how you feel and what you would like..
Sorry for your struggles with this, hooe you can sort it out

[s4ndm4n2006]

I understand they are upset about it but where in the conversation did he say he'd disown you or your family did? Your title implies some very strong statements but I don't think I'd equate calling you selfish with disowning you.

That being said you need to do what you need to do to be independent. If you can support yourself and move out, I would agree it's time to do so. Is there any reason that you can't other than your family opposing it?

[WasabiAlmonds]

When we're catastrophizing it's a sure sign it's time to reach out and start talking.

Tell your family everything you're telling us. You appreciate your support but you feel a need to make it own your own. For the sake of your own growth.

They understand. And if they don't you'll still feel better.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I understand they are upset about it but where in the conversation did he say he'd disown you or your family did? Your title implies some very strong statements but I don't think I'd equate calling you selfish with disowning you.

That being said you need to do what you need to do to be independent. If you can support yourself and move out, I would agree it's time to do so. Is there any reason that you can't other than your family opposing it?

I guess they said, “If you crack up again, we won’t be there to support you.” This is what the OP must mean by “disowned”.

To me, “disowned” is a perfectly normal threat in my family. To me it means to never speak again and cut you out of the Will. My mother has disowned me several times when I did something she did not like. It’s a Narcissist tactic.

What is selfish about your leaving? Sometimes it’s ok to be selfish. You need to give your life priority.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I guess they said, “If you crack up again, we won’t be there to support you.” This is what the OP must mean by “disowned”.

To me, “disowned” is a perfectly normal threat in my family. To me it means to never speak again and cut you out of the Will. My mother has disowned me several times when I did something she did not like. It’s a Narcissist tactic.

What is selfish about your leaving? Sometimes it’s ok to be selfish. You need to give your life priority.

I guess I read things too literally in that they said if the op has another breakdown they aren't going to be there but that, to me is not being disowned. Disowned literally to cut off completely and not acknowledging one as a family member any longer which to me is a far cry from saying that they won't support you in certain events.

This goes further to imply that their frustration is not entirely about her being selfish but about how they do not feel she is ready to be on her own and fear that she cannot take care of herself yet on her own.

Keep in mind that even if the OP is being honest with us it is through their filter and how they are interpreting converstations with the family. I believe there is far more to this explanation that has been given here.

I turn to the OP now. So in light of what I've just said what is being left out, if anything? I feel that you may be up in arms about this simply for the fact that it feels like people trying to make you do what they want but is that clouding your vision? Is there any truth to the idea that maybe there is more to this that has to do with you being ready to move out on your own? Mind you I am not making judgments about whether you are or not, whether your family may be right or not or handling it correctly but I am saying, if you step back 10 paces and look at the bigger picture, is there more to this? Is there validity to their worries if that is what it's about?

[divine1966]

If you keep moving out and marrying wrong men then divorce them and move back in every time, your family might think you’ll want to move back in again eventually and they don’t want this back and forth? They might just warn you that you can’t move back in. It doesn’t sound as they want you there for mom’s sake, it sounds as they don’t want you to keep moving in and out.

I also question why they are saying you need to take care of mom when you never mentioned that you take care of her? In what ways they think you are taking care of her?

[Aviza]

Well I might not be able to afford to move out even if it's subsidized. Mom currently charges me 200 a month. Will be 400. But subsidized I think is 600 minus medical, but most i can afford is 450 because i need a newer car, which means insuance will go up especially if i get my own policy, i am currently an added driver on mom's because it was cheaper.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Aviza

Well I might not be able to afford to move out even if it's subsidized. Mom currently charges me 200 a month. Will be 400. But subsidized I think is 600 minus medical, but most i can afford is 450 because i need a newer car, which means insuance will go up especially if i get my own policy, i am currently an added driver on mom's because it was cheaper.

Subsidized apartment is 600? That’s too expensive for subsidized. You can actually stay on Mom’s car insurance even if living apart.

[Rose76]

There is nothing selfish about what you want.