Ditched for significant other today

Hey all, I'm very sad right now. Today's the LGBT Pride Parade and my best friend and I make plans to go every year. This year I noticed she wasn't making any specific plans with me (ex. what time to meet, where, etc.) so I asked her yesterday. Long story short, she ditched me for her significant other. She keeps saying she wants to meet but she joined the parade with her girlfriend without telling me. There's a deadline to join the parade and you have to sign up so she knew for about a month that she was going and she never told me. She's being very vague right now and I'm the one asking for details.

I feel so sad. She's a great friend and I'm very surprised because she never did this before. I would have preferred a heads up a month ago. But she just told me yesterday. Now she's saying that she'll meet me after the parade, which ends at 6 and very far from where I am right now. She wants to go to the Pride festival, which is where I'm at right now. The festival ends before 6 so I'm not sure what she's going to do...She still hasn't told me where I should meet her.

I'm so confused and I feel so alone. I was walking around by myself but I got so down seeing people with their friends.

Am I making a big deal right now? Am I being an idiot/stupid? I just need to vent.

No... I don't think you're making a big deal. This all sounds quite passive-aggressive as well as just plain rude to me. I felt sad for you just reading your post. Hope things work out for you in the end.

Her going with significant other is understandable. I wouldn’t be upset about that but she had to tell you that, not make you wait. So next time if people don’t make specific plans, make your own and don’t rely on them. Some people are so flaky

Thanks a lot...I thought I was overreacting... I'm still trying to.meet up with her and I had an anxiety attack and almost fainted because I don't do well in crowds. -sighs-

I know that's understandable because ever since she got in a relationship her girlfriend has been coming with us. I understand that people put their SO first. I get that. I'm upset because she ditched me for her girlfriend to go in the parade without telling me and instead I'm trying to walk around and find all of them. She didn't tell me that her girlfriend's cousin is coming so that's making our meetup even longer. That's why im upset. I'm not trying to come off as someone who is clingy to their best friend when they get an SO. My issue is making concrete plans. Even if she just wanted to go with her girlfriend I would have been, "Okay, I'll find someone to go with." I could have been prepared. -sighs- I hope my response doesn't sound harsh. That's not my intention. I'm just so confused right now.

She really needed to inform you. Has she been always this wishy washy ?

Hi
Sorry you are sad, I hope things work out. 🌺

No, never...That's why I was so surprised today. I'm on my way home and it just wasn't a good Pride for me at all. I feel so sad because being queer is hard and Pride is the one day where I feel like I can be out, you know? Pride's important to me. At least I get to rest when I get home. Thanks for the support. I appreciate it.

If she never was this way before, I’d find ways to talk to her. Tell her in a calm way that you were hurt and ask maybe she had reasons to behave this way etc etc

Sorry, that reAlly sux. Very rude, extremely inconsiderate and unnecessary.

I would be pissed.
Time to have a proper chat I think.
The dynamics of your friendship are changing and I think you need to find out where you stand.
All the best.

Unless someone is your true friend, it's always a possibility they will flake on you UNLESS they know you have the option to flake on them.

It's how the world works and probably always will.

I guess this person isn't your friend. It's sad but at least now you know.

i think you should expect she would obey her lover over a friend. but it was wrong for her to wait so long to inform you unless he told her just recently. you should definitely clear up the confusion with her asap

I was thinking of confronting her about it...She definitely doesn't realize how it came off. She's a good person, and this wasn't her intention. But it still hurt.


That's what I'm trying to say, so thanks for understanding. I know people are saying that I should expect her to choose her girlfriend over me, and I have accepted that. My problem is how this whole situation played out. A heads up would have been very nice instead of doing things at the last minute and being very vague.



She's a good person, but this is the first time she was flaky...I think it's because she puts her girlfriend first which, like I said, I expect. I think many people do that. But the way this played out wasn't great.

Like I said before, I expect it. I'm used to that. That's not really the issue. The issue is how things played out and how flaky she was. If she had told me her plans earlier, that would have been great. I could have changed my plans accordingly. But the night before the event, especially with her knowing how chaotic things are? I don't appreciate that, and other things that have been going on. I plan on having a talk with her.

Thanks for the support you guys. I appreciate it. I plan on talking to them.

I learned years ago, if someone usually does something & this tome they aren't that I take it as them saying "not this time" without even having to communicate. I either make my own plans or just wing it like you did.

I have had times when I had intentions of connecting with someone when out with others. Unfortunately when out with others there can end up being very little control over how things go. I have also learned to say that IF possible we may meet up but I always leave it open because I found there is never a guarantee of what the others in the group I'm in will want to do & where it might take us.

With texting cell phones for me it makes it easier to contact & let them know it is impossible to connect. I use my cell texting when running late too to let people know I didn't forget but am running late....even a few minutes so they know what is going on. I think your friend seriously did not show any respect for you & I can understand why that hurts.

That is something I am learning right now, too, and I will try to keep things open. I have to keep these things in mind, so thanks for bringing that up. And I always text people if I am running late as well. Many times I end up getting to our meetup location right on time or a bit earlier but I just want to be safe. If I have to change plans, I let my friends know about a week in advance or, at the very least, a couple of days. It just comes natural to me.

Thanks for the validation. More things happened at Pride but it just shows that she is being hypocritical. I think I will step back and focus on myself, and maybe try to find some groups to join where I can make some more friends.