[LostSoul74]

Warning... Mature Content!

Not sure if this is the right forum or even allowable, but I need some advice. I am in my mid 40s and in my 4th intimate relationship. Problem us, as much as I really want intimacy, I'm emotionally, physically, and mentally scared of it.

My issues started when I was young. I was sexually abused by a neighbor and have felt guilt and shame about it for MANY years. Eventually, I came to terms (somewhat) with the abuse and eventually sought an intimate relationship. Since the abuse, my brain isn't in the right place for intimacy, so I am very inexperienced and mentally immature about proceeding and maintaining an intimate relationship. So, fast forward through 4 intimate relationships and they have ALL been the same. Frustration, criticism, inexperience, and abuse, have all played a part in my fear of intimacy.
EVERY person I've been with has cheated on me, insulted me, and cast me aside. Then, after they cheat on me they wonder why I'm not sexually 'into' them like THEY expect. All of this has hurt my confidence, desire, and efforts to be intimate. However, a BIG part of me really enjoys the closeness and connections that intimacy provides. Unfortunately though, I have sexually capacity and experience of a teenager trapped under the guise of a older guy. Many women 'my age' have difficulty understanding how I'm not more 'knowledgable', 'experienced', or 'into' sex than I actually am. Little do they know though that I WANT it as bad as them, I just dont want the criticism, abuse, feelings of inadequacy, and doubt that seems to come with it. Any hope being THIS old of EVER overcoming my fears?

SSL. If you've made it this far, I appreciate you taking the time to read it. I hope it wasn't TMI as I tried to gloss and censor as best as I could.
Thanks!

[healingme4me]

Since your past partners have cheated and utterly disrespected you, it's no wonder you are afraid to venture out and get involved. Maybe sorting out the patterns of your experiences can give you insight into why these men gravitate towards you so that you can seek healthier partnerships?

[LostSoul74]

Sorry healingme4me, I didn't make it very clear in my post. It"s women I have issues with. I guess saying partners does leave it open for interpretation...

In my LIFETIME, I've only had ONE woman gravitate to me. I was too scared to venture further with her, so I'll never know how THAT may have worked. EVERY other relationship I've been in has been set up by a friend or family member. Although that IS a common link, I wouldn't assume that was the issue in particular. Would you?

[healingme4me]

Sorry for the initial misunderstanding.

Maybe the issue is that these relationships have been set up for you by others in your life? It's certainly worth exploring.

Why do they insist on doing that for you?

I get that women are tough to gauge and read. And of course, as I'm learning about better flirtation as a woman, men can be afraid of the walk of shame if misreading cues and are shot down by someone they may have found interesting.

So, is that what is happening in life? Fear?

[LostSoul74]

I think a lot of it is fear based. I know it's a MAJOR reason I don't initiate intimacy. If that is it though, I dont know how to get past that, especially at my age. :-(

As far as my family and friends setting me up... I dont necessarily think its intentional that it happens. In most cases, I just happen to meet or be introduced to them through circumstance. If it IS intentional, it is probably due to the fact that I have social anxiety and am VERY socially awkward and stressed dealing with ANYBODY, let alone a person I'm interested in...