[menote]

Hi, I am 20 y.o. guy and to put it simply:

I have never been in a relationship but I long for it, I feel like its what I miss in life the most.
Problem is I cannot make myself even ask anyone out. It feels like my brain supresses any kind of thought for that action, and doesnt let me even try. Previously I thought I feared rejection but a while ago I realised I fear failing the relationship. I dont know what to expect from it, I thought maybe when I meet that right person I will have no issue asking them out or something, since they would understand me and we would figure it out somehow together, but more the time goes, more people I meet, I fear not being ever able to find someone like that. Thinking about this makes me feel really uneasy, sad as I never normally am, I act normally when with friends or around people in general, always trying to be cheerful and sharing good wibes, but I noticed sometimes this thought of being "alone" hits me, and I find myself in a really hard position, when I have to maintain my composure, and recently I was just at the edge of breaking into tears. I dont want to let anyone who knows me know about this issue, thats why I am now trying this forum.

I dont think I can even write something more at the moment, so just to summarize:
Thinking about not being in a relationship (in love if you will) makes me break into tears and feel empty and I need help with what should I do...

[healingme4me]

I suspect it's one of those things that glamorized, to be honest. Hence, feeling such sadness in being left out of the process of falling in love.

My suggestion, spend some time reading in this forum. You might surprise yourself and see many a commonality. There's a lot of pain that happens quite often after the searching phase. Not saying that's a definite outcome, but worth looking at as looking at the bigger picture goes. Sometimes a little perspective goes a long way is what I'm trying to say.

What about friendships with the opposite gender? Do you have any? Are you out exploring any hobbies or interests?

From what you've written, it does sound like your hearts desire is that a friendship would be established and when it feels right, taking things to a next step would feel natural.

Maybe change up your places that you spend time in??

[Skeezyks]

Hello menote: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral. One other forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the anxiety, panic & phobias forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/anxi...c-and-phobias/

And then here are links to 8 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that offer tips on how to deal with loneliness, finding true love, & how to overcome shyness & social anxiety. Perhaps some of the ideas in these articles can be of some help:

Loneliness & Being Lonely - Psych Central

6 Self-Sabotaging Patterns That Can Keep You From Finding Love | Love Matters

Change Your Mindset, Find True Love

True Love: How Do You Know?

https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-ways...ocial-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/6-ways-...ocial-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/resources/S...m_and_Shyness/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[divine1966]

Honestly at 20 you can do bunch of other things instead of relationships. Plenty of people your age haven’t been on a single date and it’s perfectly fine.

[DapperChapper]

I'm in agreement with the other responses so far (especially divine). Obviously it's very easy for other people to say, but there are things in life apart from relationships.

I can't give much actual advice when it comes to dating, but I like to think I'm ok at finding other stuff to do with my time. When you get to your 20s, it may seem like a lot of people you know are already starting to settle down and have serious relationships (and that's fine), but don't let it trouble you if it hasn't happened to you yet. There's so much stuff going on elsewhere. You can do so much - experience things you've never done, do new stuff, see new places, meet new people. If you keep yourself busy doing stuff you want to do, not only will you be (hopefully) having a good time in your life, but the act of seeking new interests may broaden your horizons and help you connect with people in a way you hadn't thought possible before.

It feels like I'm just spouting off cliches, but there are several things here I've had to take to heart myself - I've beaten myself up a lot thinking "there must be something wrong with me, because I'm not in a relationship", but it's just one of those things. You have to wait it out, look after yourself and things will work out in the end.

Apologies if I'm just telling you stuff you already know; these are just my thoughts. Good luck!

[Fuzzybear]

[Overthinker920]

I think it's totally normal to want something you've never had really badly. I also think the fact that relationships are so public anymore with social media, etc that it can make you feel even more alone and inadequate if you're not in one. What I'm going to say next might not help you much, but I'll give it a shot anyway

I'm 35. I dated around in high school but nothing super serious until I met my ex husband when I was 17. We had our son when I was 18 (just about to turn 19) and he was 21. We got married when I was 20 and he was 23 and just divorced this past July. I jumped right back into another serious relationship immediately after my ex and I split because I didn't want to be alone. I don't know how to be alone because I've been with someone all of my adult life. While my marriage was really great at times, it really didn't do me any favors in the long run. Now that I'm divorced I realize I put all my eggs in one basket and didn't take the time to focus on myself or plan for the future because I assumed I would always be married to the man I was married to. Instead of getting to figure out who I was and what I wanted in life I became a mom and wife when most people are still trying to figure out what party they should be going to every night. It was hard but I wouldn't have traded it for the world and I still wouldn't because I got an amazing kid out of it all. What I would have done differently even having had my son so young is finished college, taken the time to think about what I saw for us down the road, and taken the time to get to know myself and who I was. Now I've carried all of my baggage into my new relationship and guess what...it's not going so well. All of the emotional damage that has been done to me over the years is now so consuming that I'm wrecking something that has incredible potential to be really amazing. The guy I'm with now is honestly a once in a lifetime find, but I'm so hung up on his past that I can't focus on the present or our future. Enough about that though - this is your thread, lol.

My point is, you have so many years ahead of you to be in a relationship and find love and although it doesn't feel like that will ever happen right now, it will. Trust me. Sometimes you have to just be patient even when that's the last thing you want to be. Time goes by really really ridiculously fast and before you know it you'll be thinking back to how you're feeling right now and realizing everything fell into place just how it was supposed to.

My advice to you is to just do all you can to make yourself the best person you can be, figure out who and what you want to be and then just enjoy life's adventure. Then when you find someone to share yourself with you will be giving her a really well rounded, thoughtful, confident and secure man. Everything will work out for you. Try not to get down on yourself too much