Like I need this

My husband and I met online so I think he has some fear that I will meet someone else online and leave him. I have been up later than usual lately and he has been going to bed. I surf the web a little and find interesting stuff on Norway, news, health issues and of course come on here to check stuff out. He just woke up and came out of the bedroom. I went to give him a hug because I was out with my friend visiting and it got a little late. He seemed irritated so I asked him if he was mad. He told me that if my life was so bad and I need to take take so much interest in being online again that I should think about it and do whatever it isI need to do. I know him and things he said before and he means that if I am looking for online love than I should leave him and get on with it. What an idiot. I wasn't looking for online love when I met him. It was completely by accident and I wasn't into chatting. I thought I found love and look what it got me. I would have to be mad to use the net to find my next relationship. I am just really irritated. I told him about this forum and that it has helped me alot. He never askes me what I am doing online but he knows that I look up news and medical stuff cause I am always telling him some new fact or medical info. Good grief, I just want to scream.
Heidu

Oh Heidu... Some days you can't win for losing. Is this the first time something like this has come up? When I first discovered online support sites I spent an enormous amount of time on them, all hours of the day and night. And eventually it did cause some problems between my wife and I. I tried to explain how important it was to me and that it didn't change the way I felt about her, but it took time to gain some understanding. Two things helped. I became more stable with my Bipolar disorder and didn't need to spend as much time online, plus we came to an agreement that I would limit my time and only exceed it if I was in a critical place. And the other thing (and probably most important) was that we had a long talk about what I was getting from my support groups. My wife is an incredibly understanding woman, and tolerant beyond the human imagination. But she has never experienced depression. There are times when I try to explain to her what I'm feeling, and although I know she's trying with all her being to understand, she simply doesn't. But I can come here and talk to all of you, and I know that someone out there will be able to relate to what I'm feeling and will understand me. Often times that's all I need to get thru a crisis, just some understanding. When I explained that to her, it made her feel much better, she wasn't at all offended, and now she actually encourages me to go online when I'm troubled and she knows she can't help. Education is a very powerful tool...

I'm sorry that this happened and I can understand your frustration. Hopefully you can assure him when he settles down that he has nothing to worry about. In the mean time, If you want to cyber scream at me, have at it girl!!!

I'll hug you anyway (((((Heidu)))))

bp

"A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart."

Trust is a big issue with my husband and my on-line use. I did have an emotional affair on-line and it hurt my husband very much. We have worked on this situation but I think sometimes he still is worried. He knows that I feel bad for what I did. Sometimes I even feel ashamed. But there was a reason for it. I tried giving up all on-line communication but there were times when it was the only way I could communicate. I would send hubby e-mails and such. Finally I knew that not doing it was hurting to much so I started searching for a support group that would be a safe place for me to share the things that I couldn't talk about otherwise. I am rambling a bit now. I have no clue where I was going with this. Sigh. I guess what I am trying to say is he and I have an unspoken agreement. I don't instant message and he has access to all that I do on-line (the parent snooping programs are not just for kids, lol) I tell him what I am doing and who I am talking to. Actually you all are the only people I talk to. He has also seen my tremendous effort in therapy where I am learning to speak, learning to feel, learning to say things that he might not want to hear. One time I told him it was going to suck big time when I started to complain constantly. Funny thing is there is very little to complain about now that I am actually talking.
Zen

<font color=blue>that I would be good even if I did nothing, that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down, that I would be good if I got and stayed sick, that I would be good even if I gained 10 pounds-- Alanis Morissette

It's not really the first time it has come up. He always hinted about me finding my next great romance online. It has never been an issue where he said something like he did or was so irritated about it. He knows me better than that.
It's ok now. I left him a little note explaining what I do online, sites I visit and why and told him that if he doesn't like it then he needs to deal with it because this is partly my therapy and support and partly a way to keep busy. He apologized this morning before he left for work and he also left me a note saying he was sorry and he wouldn't question me again about it. He said he should've just given me the hug back that I was giving to him. I know he meant it because he had apologized already but still left me a note in answer to mine and that is way more effort than he usually feels necessary.
Thanks alot for listening and responding with some helpful tips. I appreciate it alot.
Heidu