[TheOutsider90]

About a year or so ago I had found a text on my husband's phone to a woman named Christy, saying hello sweetheart what are you up to. Of course we got in a fight about it but it subsided. It turns out she is a friend if his uncle's and he sometimes smoked with her. I told him I didn't want him to talk to her anymore as I was weirded out about the sweet heart deal. And because I had suspicions he was doing neither drugs, not just smokijg. He said ok. We went out to the bar today, she was there. She pulled me aside and said "I'm Christy and you don't like me" this woman was around 50. We are both 28. She told me that he was her best friend and that nothing sexual ever happened between them. I kept trying to get away because I was starting to have a panic attack. O never thought there was anything sexual. I thought it was drugs. And now I'm all anxious that he's still talking to her, that he's doing drugs . And what gives her the right to say she's his best friend? I'm literally still sitting at the bar trying to get myself together. She left thank goodness, but the thought of her is lingering.

[Lilyonthepond]

Hi,
I hope it is going to be ok. When you calm down you should talk with him honestly how it was and what your fear is. If she is really his best friend, it would be wierd if you wouldn't know her. You have to tell him this. I don't know the background but he should also find himself safe, male friend who would talk with him about his own issues, that he isn't ready to tell you or are hard for him to swallow and he would need someone else to share this. I know it is very emotional for you but it is crucial to stay calm and loving. If he goes through hardships and comes back to drugs he wants to be away from, he really need help and someone to listen and be with him without adding the negative emotions.

That is weird. I would have felt very uncomfortable with her as well. I would not be comfortable with someone I don’t even know saying my husband is their best friend - especially another woman. Did you ask your husband about it?

[MickeyCheeky]

Wow, that sounds scary I'm sorry Have you told your husband this incident?

[metalchick]

This in fact happened to me. He was 22 years older than her. And basically living at my house except when I was home. Has there been any change in his behavior since meeting her? He completely changed. My daughter alerted me to the situation. Confronted him and he said she is my best friend. Hmmmm....best friend that I never met, but is at my house everyday. There's a lot more to the story. But I know how you feel. I know exactly what you are going through and if your gut is telling you it is wrong...it probably is.

[downandlonely]

It sounds fishy to me. I would talk to your husband about it. There's no point bottling it up inside.

[TheOutsider90]

I did talk to him about it. He said she's crazy, and that he doesn't talk to her anymore. I really don't think there was anything cheating-wise, but I'm more worried that he was doing drugs with her

[goldiemom]

Doesnt sound good. Sounds like she might be his dealer and doesnt want you cutting off the money flow or he owes her money. Either way you should prepare to leave the relationship with him. Trust yourself.

[downandlonely]

Has he done drugs before that you know of? That would worry me too.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by TheOutsider90

About a year or so ago I had found a text on my husband's phone to a woman named Christy, saying hello sweetheart what are you up to. Of course we got in a fight about it but it subsided. It turns out she is a friend if his uncle's and he sometimes smoked with her. I told him I didn't want him to talk to her anymore as I was weirded out about the sweet heart deal. And because I had suspicions he was doing neither drugs, not just smokijg. He said ok. We went out to the bar today, she was there. She pulled me aside and said "I'm Christy and you don't like me" this woman was around 50. We are both 28. She told me that he was her best friend and that nothing sexual ever happened between them. I kept trying to get away because I was starting to have a panic attack. O never thought there was anything sexual. I thought it was drugs. And now I'm all anxious that he's still talking to her, that he's doing drugs . And what gives her the right to say she's his best friend? I'm literally still sitting at the bar trying to get myself together. She left thank goodness, but the thought of her is lingering.

my first thought was a stranger approaches and you wait around the bar and come on psychccentral and post.... that to me is a bit strange heres why...

not alot of people know I come here to psych central. my wife, yes, a few family members yes but people i go to the bar with nope and I wouldnt get caught dead so to speak in texting while in a bar. too many ways a person can see what I am texting, what apps Im using what websites Im on, passwords... even in bar bathrooms are not very secure, you have folks looking under doors, placing viewing equipment in odd places, and some bars even have security cams in bathrooms, not angled for the can but anyone can reach up over bar bathroom doors with their celll phones and snap a pic and run....

if this was me I would not have stayed at the bar if i was so upset that I was having a panic attack. I would have called a taxi or driven home. or called a friend to pick me up to go home. (yup I have been there with strangers coming up to me in bars thats pretty normal behavior for bars anyway, and have had many a panic attacks when out on public. my first thought has never been stick around where Im triggered and post online. its get the heck out of there, deal with my trigger then at home if I want to go on the internet I do.)

my suggestion

before you go to a bar again have a plan set up since you know that you get panic attacks in them. go with a friend, know how to go to the bar tender and ask them to call you a taxi and while your at it tell the bar tender someone is bothering you, they get the bouncers/ security on it and you get to go home safely knowing this person cant bother you again.

[TheOutsider90]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

Has he done drugs before that you know of? That would worry me too.

He used to do cocaine. He smokes, but that's not really a worry to me.

[TheOutsider90]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

my first thought was a stranger approaches and you wait around the bar and come on psychccentral and post.... that to me is a bit strange heres why...

not alot of people know I come here to psych central. my wife, yes, a few family members yes but people i go to the bar with nope and I wouldnt get caught dead so to speak in texting while in a bar. too many ways a person can see what I am texting, what apps Im using what websites Im on, passwords... even in bar bathrooms are not very secure, you have folks looking under doors, placing viewing equipment in odd places, and some bars even have security cams in bathrooms, not angled for the can but anyone can reach up over bar bathroom doors with their celll phones and snap a pic and run....

if this was me I would not have stayed at the bar if i was so upset that I was having a panic attack. I would have called a taxi or driven home. or called a friend to pick me up to go home. (yup I have been there with strangers coming up to me in bars thats pretty normal behavior for bars anyway, and have had many a panic attacks when out on public. my first thought has never been stick around where Im triggered and post online. its get the heck out of there, deal with my trigger then at home if I want to go on the internet I do.)

my suggestion

before you go to a bar again have a plan set up since you know that you get panic attacks in them. go with a friend, know how to go to the bar tender and ask them to call you a taxi and while your at it tell the bar tender someone is bothering you, they get the bouncers/ security on it and you get to go home safely knowing this person cant bother you again.

I was at the bar with my husband and my best friend, both of whom know that I am dealing with depression and anxiety. I did not leave the bar because 1) the stranger left, therefore I no longer felt threatened there and 2) because my best friend had also been dealing with some depression and this was her day to get out and do something. I wasn't about to drag get home over it. My trigger was NOT the bar. The woman was the trigger

Also, the bartender saw the whole thing. I am not stupid, I have been dealing with anxiety and depression for over 10 years and know my triggers and how to get out of them. My point of coming here was to get advice on how to deal with the anxiety of not knowing if my husband was doing drugs with this woman.

Thanks anyway though.