Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Jan 03, 2019, 02:51 AM
Anonymous52222
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
So I have this friend that I'm close with who reminds me a lot about how I used to be.

He's a great person but is struggling a lot with his mental health. He comes from a broken home where his parents treat him like crap. He writes lyrics and makes death metal. Heck, he's a damn good musician and could probably do something with his talent if he had the money for better equipment. We have so much in common it's almost scary. His parents tried to have him locked up in psych wards all because he wrote metal lyrics at a young age and they thought he was devil worshipping. Yet, he is one of the kindest most down to earth people I have ever met.

Anyways, fast forward to present day he has trouble finding/holding down a job. His family has him so messed up that he has constant anger issues/outbursts. He flat out told me that the only thing keeping him from beating the **** out of his father was because he doesn't want to bring his suffering onto his enemies. I met him at the community college I go to he was taking classes trying to do something with his life. He seemed more stable there. Unfortunately, he lost his financial aid because he had trouble getting to a class on the first day because of the piss poor public transportation we have here combined with the fact he has to walk 2 miles through meth head territory where he fears for his well being just to get to the bus stop. He got kicked out of the class and has to pay the school $600 back. He couldn't afford it because he was using his financial aid refund to help with bills and he gave money to his mother to pay some of the bills because the electric was getting shut off but she decided to blow money on drugs instead. His homelife is so chaotic that his father is picking fights with him over stupid crap like who gets the first cup of coffee. His father flat out tried to bait him into a fist fight all over a cup of coffee. How messed up can you get?

I'm worried about him because he got kicked out of school and he was texting me about how his plans are ruined and he just doesn't care about life anymore. He was talking about how he doesn't care if he lives or dies. I was able to calm him down yesterday and I've tried to give him resources to get help. Even got a hold of my old case manager from back when I was on a short term housing grant to try to get him on the grant and away from his crazy family. The case manager even said he would pull some strings to get him on quickly. Problem is he said he has trouble getting his thoughts organized enough to get help. He also said he's afraid of being locked up for life because of how messed up he is. Also he is so poor right now he can't even afford a bus pass. I told him I would buy him a 30 day bus pass when I get my money. I am prepared to move mountains to help him but he needs to take the first step.

How else can I help my friend?
Hugs from:
Buffy01, LeeeLeee
Thanks for this!
Buffy01, mote.of.soul

advertisement
  #2  
Old Jan 03, 2019, 04:27 AM
mote.of.soul's Avatar
mote.of.soul mote.of.soul is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,796
Hi,

I think you're doing plenty as it is, DarknessIsMyFriend. It's good that you're there for him. Yes, some peoples struggles just don't seem fair at all, but I think just continue being you and being his friend. You're right - his family life sucks. It's saddening. Also, I feel it's okay that he vents about not caring whether he lives or dies, I mean, just having a friend that he feels safe enough with to share his personal thoughts with, will help him in the long run, I believe.
Hugs from:
Buffy01
Thanks for this!
Buffy01
  #3  
Old Jan 03, 2019, 05:12 AM
Anonymous52222
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by mote.of.soul View Post
Hi,

I think you're doing plenty as it is, DarknessIsMyFriend. It's good that you're there for him. Yes, some peoples struggles just don't seem fair at all, but I think just continue being you and being his friend. You're right - his family life sucks. It's saddening. Also, I feel it's okay that he vents about not caring whether he lives or dies, I mean, just having a friend that he feels safe enough with to share his personal thoughts with, will help him in the long run, I believe.

Thanks.

I just don't want him to do something stupid, you know?

I mean his father deserves to have the crap kicked out of him but I don't want my friend to do something like that and get in trouble.
Hugs from:
Buffy01
Thanks for this!
Buffy01, mote.of.soul
  #4  
Old Jan 03, 2019, 05:20 AM
mote.of.soul's Avatar
mote.of.soul mote.of.soul is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,796
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend View Post
Thanks.

I just don't want him to do something stupid, you know?

I mean his father deserves to have the crap kicked out of him but I don't want my friend to do something like that and get in trouble.
Sure, I understand.

I think as long as he has you there for support, he'll be less inclined to boil over into violence. I do believe that. Just be the voice of reason with him.
Hugs from:
Buffy01
Thanks for this!
Buffy01
  #5  
Old Jan 03, 2019, 11:21 AM
Ella68 Ella68 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2018
Location: Illinois
Posts: 156
You are being supportive by listening and encouraging him.
Hugs from:
Buffy01
Thanks for this!
Blogwriter, Buffy01, LeeeLeee
  #6  
Old Jan 03, 2019, 12:28 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,777
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend View Post
So I have this friend that I'm close with who reminds me a lot about how I used to be.

He's a great person but is struggling a lot with his mental health. He comes from a broken home where his parents treat him like crap. He writes lyrics and makes death metal. Heck, he's a damn good musician and could probably do something with his talent if he had the money for better equipment. We have so much in common it's almost scary. His parents tried to have him locked up in psych wards all because he wrote metal lyrics at a young age and they thought he was devil worshipping. Yet, he is one of the kindest most down to earth people I have ever met.

Anyways, fast forward to present day he has trouble finding/holding down a job. His family has him so messed up that he has constant anger issues/outbursts. He flat out told me that the only thing keeping him from beating the **** out of his father was because he doesn't want to bring his suffering onto his enemies. I met him at the community college I go to he was taking classes trying to do something with his life. He seemed more stable there. Unfortunately, he lost his financial aid because he had trouble getting to a class on the first day because of the piss poor public transportation we have here combined with the fact he has to walk 2 miles through meth head territory where he fears for his well being just to get to the bus stop. He got kicked out of the class and has to pay the school $600 back. He couldn't afford it because he was using his financial aid refund to help with bills and he gave money to his mother to pay some of the bills because the electric was getting shut off but she decided to blow money on drugs instead. His homelife is so chaotic that his father is picking fights with him over stupid crap like who gets the first cup of coffee. His father flat out tried to bait him into a fist fight all over a cup of coffee. How messed up can you get?

I'm worried about him because he got kicked out of school and he was texting me about how his plans are ruined and he just doesn't care about life anymore. He was talking about how he doesn't care if he lives or dies. I was able to calm him down yesterday and I've tried to give him resources to get help. Even got a hold of my old case manager from back when I was on a short term housing grant to try to get him on the grant and away from his crazy family. The case manager even said he would pull some strings to get him on quickly. Problem is he said he has trouble getting his thoughts organized enough to get help. He also said he's afraid of being locked up for life because of how messed up he is. Also he is so poor right now he can't even afford a bus pass. I told him I would buy him a 30 day bus pass when I get my money. I am prepared to move mountains to help him but he needs to take the first step.

How else can I help my friend?
It sound like you are doing everything you csn. Can you contacted adults social services? Sometime just being a listening ear is enough.
  #7  
Old Jan 03, 2019, 12:29 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,777
Quote:
Originally Posted by mote.of.soul View Post
Hi,

I think you're doing plenty as it is, DarknessIsMyFriend. It's good that you're there for him. Yes, some peoples struggles just don't seem fair at all, but I think just continue being you and being his friend. You're right - his family life sucks. It's saddening. Also, I feel it's okay that he vents about not caring whether he lives or dies, I mean, just having a friend that he feels safe enough with to share his personal thoughts with, will help him in the long run, I believe.
I agree with everything that you said.
Thanks for this!
mote.of.soul
  #8  
Old Jan 03, 2019, 12:30 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,777
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend View Post
Thanks.

I just don't want him to do something stupid, you know?

I mean his father deserves to have the crap kicked out of him but I don't want my friend to do something like that and get in trouble.
I agree. Some time just being there is enough.
  #9  
Old Jan 03, 2019, 01:18 PM
Anonymous52222
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buffy01 View Post
It sound like you are doing everything you csn. Can you contacted adults social services? Sometime just being a listening ear is enough.

I contacted my former case manager from back when I was on a youth program that helped me with housing. I aged out of the program but he's still young enough to qualify for help.

Doing what I can he just needs to take action.
Hugs from:
Blogwriter, Buffy01
Thanks for this!
Blogwriter, Buffy01
  #10  
Old Jan 03, 2019, 02:07 PM
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 divine1966 is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 23,208
Just listening and being there for him could do wonders. You are a good friend
  #11  
Old Jan 03, 2019, 02:13 PM
Anonymous52222
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
Just listening and being there for him could do wonders. You are a good friend

Thanks.

I'm trying so hard to develop into a kinder and more empathetic person.

Maybe my work is now bearing fruit?

If anything, I'm nothing like how I was 2 years ago.
Hugs from:
Buffy01, mote.of.soul
Thanks for this!
Buffy01
  #12  
Old Jan 03, 2019, 02:18 PM
Anonymous40258
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Sorry your friend is struggling so badly. There are things that a person needs to work out for themselves. Letting your friend know that you are there when he needs you, is invaluable. Encourage him to seek resources and explore safe and alternate routes to get what he wants. Time and money could always help and, how much of each he is willing to invest in himself. If he isn’t, than neither should you be. And I think it is ok to let him know that. I believe the saying is “spend a dollar to save a dime”, but wouldn’t it be better if we could spend a dime to save a dollar

PS if your friend is in danger of physical violence I suggest that he is encourage to avoid those situations as best he can and work to better his situation. Yes, I believe he may need to take action but ultimately he needs to make that decison.
Hugs from:
Buffy01
Thanks for this!
Buffy01
  #13  
Old Jan 03, 2019, 02:27 PM
Anonymous52222
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by AB2371 View Post
Time and money could always help and, how much of each he is willing to invest in himself. If he isn’t, than neither should you be. And I think it is ok to let him know that. I believe the saying is “spend a dollar to save a dime”, but wouldn’t it be better if we could spend a dime to save a dollar

He literally has no money to his name and no income. He is too unstable to hold down a job right now honestly.


When he was a student, he was completely dependent on financial aid to pay what living expenses he has. His family is on Section 8 housing and live in a really bad neighborhood. His father might even be a drug dealer.

Like you know how bad it is? His father threatened to kick him out on the streets in 20 degree ice and snow weather over a freaking burrito. I mean, a burrito! WTF?

So yeah I'm not going to refuse to help my friend. I know what it is like to be in such a position. Before my mother passed away, she had me so messed up from her lies and abuse that I couldn't hold down a job no matter how hard I tried. I know how it feels to be in such a hopeless state where you feel so powerless to do anything. Unlike other people that always expect those who are suffering the most to work and struggle the hardest, I am going to fight to ensure nobody that I know has to go through the same hell I had to.

I will give him the tools to help himself and ride his *** until he uses them though.
Hugs from:
Buffy01
Thanks for this!
Buffy01
  #14  
Old Jan 03, 2019, 02:39 PM
Anonymous40258
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
I think you are good guy and your friend is lucky to have you in his life. I only say try not to enable him to not work for himself, and don't let him interfere with your life or stop you from your own dreams and goals and what not. Ive heard fights start over less, "A meatball sub" for instance, or a person "looked at me wrong", or one time I saw a fight break out in a pizza place and still don't know what caused it, but it was brutal. Like a real live fist fight, scary. There was blood and some pretty bad contact made. Maybe they were f over a soda or a girl, who knows. But, yeah, so, it probably is in your best interest to keep your friend around and out of gangs and such. At some time in your life, you may be glad that you did.
Hugs from:
Buffy01
Thanks for this!
Buffy01, mote.of.soul
  #15  
Old Jan 03, 2019, 02:47 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,777
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend View Post
I contacted my former case manager from back when I was on a youth program that helped me with housing. I aged out of the program but he's still young enough to qualify for help.

Doing what I can he just needs to take action.
I understand! Sometimes people who want help don't use the help we offer. Have you ask the case worker to contact and assure your friend what will not happen to him of he accepted the help your offer?
  #16  
Old Jan 03, 2019, 02:51 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,777
Quote:
Originally Posted by mote.of.soul View Post
Sure, I understand.

I think as long as he has you there for support, he'll be less inclined to boil over into violence. I do believe that. Just be the voice of reason with him.
That is great advice!
Thanks for this!
mote.of.soul
  #17  
Old Jan 03, 2019, 02:54 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,777
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ella68 View Post
You are being supportive by listening and encouraging him.
That true! Sometimes that all you need. Just be sure that you are taking yourself. Your not intentionally bringing you down.
  #18  
Old Jan 03, 2019, 03:20 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,777
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend View Post
Thanks.

I'm trying so hard to develop into a kinder and more empathetic person.

Maybe my work is now bearing fruit?

If anything, I'm nothing like how I was 2 years ago.
I'm sorry that you are struggling right now!
  #19  
Old Jan 04, 2019, 01:44 PM
Anonymous52222
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
I woke up this morning to find out my friend's father was telling him he's a ***** for not going through with killing himself.

He needs to get out of that toxic environment now. I can't be available 24/7 to calm him down when he gets upset like this.
Hugs from:
Blogwriter, Buffy01
Thanks for this!
Buffy01
  #20  
Old Jan 04, 2019, 06:16 PM
healingme4me's Avatar
healingme4me healingme4me is offline
Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 46,298
You're only one person, of course it's too much to be expected to be his only lifeline.
And it sounds evident that his homelife is playing biggest role in his emotion state of mind.
Living in an abusive home does bring about depression no doubt. How the ideation plays itself out comes in many variations. Of course he is angry and ideating up a storm.
How to help resources may be tucked away in domestic violence literature. ? The literature that discusses why victims stay stuck in the cycle. Maybe read there for some tips for you? In reference to how to be supportive?
Hugs from:
Buffy01
Thanks for this!
Buffy01
  #21  
Old Jan 04, 2019, 06:26 PM
Anonymous52222
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by healingme4me View Post
How to help resources may be tucked away in domestic violence literature. ? The literature that discusses why victims stay stuck in the cycle. Maybe read there for some tips for you? In reference to how to be supportive?

Where do you suggest I start looking?

There are so many books and articles out there with varying credibility that I wouldn't know what to read or where to start. All I know how to do is relate his own struggles with mine since I also grew up in a broken abusive home.

Pretty much all I've been able to do is temporarily calm him down when something/someone upsets him and cheer him up a bit with internet memes.
Hugs from:
Buffy01
Thanks for this!
Buffy01, healingme4me
  #22  
Old Jan 04, 2019, 06:51 PM
healingme4me's Avatar
healingme4me healingme4me is offline
Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 46,298
I'd probably start with the national hotline site. I was trying quickly to scan what's out there-not much for outside the environment friends and family. At least saw briefly that for Adult Children living like this, applying these concepts is appropriate. There's the hotline number which it's on that page. It was suggested to help with setting up a safety plan and noted there are crisis counselors available 24/7.
  #23  
Old Jan 04, 2019, 06:55 PM
Anonymous52222
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by healingme4me View Post
I'd probably start with the national hotline site. I was trying quickly to scan what's out there-not much for outside the environment friends and family. At least saw briefly that for Adult Children living like this, applying these concepts is appropriate. There's the hotline number which it on that page. It was suggested to help with setting up a safety plan and noted there are crisis counselors available 24/7.

Thanks. I will give it a try.

The only thing I'm worried about is my friend has difficulties trusting the mental health system. He was locked up in psych wards as a child because he wrote lyrics for metal songs and his grandmother thought he was a psycho and devil worshipper because he liked hard rock/metal and had him hospitalized. He is afraid of getting locked up for life if he's honest to mental health professionals.
Thanks for this!
healingme4me
  #24  
Old Jan 04, 2019, 07:01 PM
Anonymous45521
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend View Post
Where do you suggest I start looking?
You are a good friend. And remember that sometimes you can't do anything. I agree with you that he has to get out of that environment.

It is a little hard to know where to look not particularly knowing more about your friend but..

- how about the Samaritans? If they can't help him I am sure they have resources for him (or if you want to call) Samaritans |. At one point in my life I volunteered for a similar local program and if we couldn't help we had a network that probably could.
- Not sure if he is religious or would be willing to go to a local church and talk about his problems.
-Search on google for youth programs in your area -- just found this one Statistics on Homeless Youth in America | Covenant House

I wish I knew a specific answer but often times these things are local.

If his dad is a drug dealer or you suspect as much call in an anonymous tip to law enforcement.
Thanks for this!
healingme4me
  #25  
Old Jan 04, 2019, 07:12 PM
Anonymous52222
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Thanks.

I really need a break from all of this for one night. I want to relax and enjoy myself tonight.

I'll revisit this thread after I recharge a bit.
Hugs from:
Anonymous48850
Thanks for this!
healingme4me
Reply
Views: 2271

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:58 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.