[Deyla2324]

I know it sounds cheesy but it’s the best to describe what I’m feeling. My boyfriend broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago because I have trust issues and I initiated fights constantly. We’ve been still fighting even though we were not together. After we fight I get mad and scream my heart out to him by phone and when he hangs up by text. I tell him I don’t want to communicate anymore, delete all call and messages from my phone and decide not to call him. But then when I stop communicating he starts texting or he calls. When I’m mad, I try to convince myself that I’m better off without him but then he calls I quickly forget. He always breaks down that wall that I try building up. I see all the signs that I’m heading towards the wrong direction but I choose to ignore it. I called today and I asked if he still loves me and he said “yes, of course I still do” and then I said I wanted to see him today, so I waited till he said I could come over. I got there and was not mean but was cold. We talked over the shows we were watching on tv but nothing else. Well I was there for 2 hrs and then I said I was leaving. I asked if he was going to say anything, he said “what about “ and i I replied “you know why I am here. He said nothing, I got close so I could kiss him and we kissed and then we had sex. I told him that I love him but didn’t say anything back. We showered, I got dressed and he asked “what are you going to do”, so I said that I was leaving and he said he was going to go to bed. I asked what he wanted to do with us and he replied that he didn’t know that he just wanted to let things flow. I kissed him, told him that I love him and came home. I feel kinda stupid! I went over to fix things and I came home thinking how I didn’t fixed anything I just had sex. What if tomorrow he doesn’t call or text? I move 2 steps forward and then I have to go back 10. I love the idea of us going back to the happy times but realistically things are probably way past done between us. Why is it that I could forget and forgive so easily and he can’t? If we both love each other why can’t we both fight to fix the little that it’s left? Or am I the one pushing him to be around me? I think it’s the last but why am I sabotaging my feelings, myself and what it is left of my dignity?

[lady411]

This is not a healthy cycle for you. If it keeps repeating itself it will leave you feeling low about yourself. You need to start thinking about yourself and stop thinking about how you can please him and bring him back into your life. If he really wanted to be with you he wouldn't have broken up with you. If you kiss a man and offer him sex of course he's going to take it without regard of how it's going to affect your feelings. So that's where you need to be a little selfish and think about your well-being. Instead of trying to cut him out of your life completely try distancing yourself from him little by little. Then you will also see how much your company really meant to him as well. And at the same time you can make it easier for yourself to remove him from your life. Find someone who truly values you in theirs.

[Deyla2324]

Yeah, you’re right! But every time I distance myself, he calls or text. A relationship shouldn’t be this hard. I’m going to try to distract myself so I don’t contact him and be less available when he calls or text. I can’t continue putting my needs so low.

[xiximmxi]

Sounds like a vicious cycle...
You'd fight because you don't feel valued or understood, then be fed up and tell him to leave you alone, and he will show a sliver of interest and you're right back in his arms - going over to his house to "talk it out" then neither of you wants to truly communicate your feelings and pretend everything is ok in person, then you would go home feeling empty because you have no closure whatsoever. No idea where you stand. He still pretends nothing is going on (he isn't being spiteful; he just doesn't want to stir the pot) and you have all this built up emotions inside you, you lash out at him again, and say it's enough... And you're at his house again.

Take some time and really think about how you are feeling so when you go talk to him you can be straightforward and logical, and know exactly what you want to say. Don't yell, don't cry, don't nag - simply state how you feel and give him time to respond, and leave if he needs more time. & I know it's really hard because the attraction is there, but try not to have sex with him. If you're telling him one thing but showing him something else, the man is confused. He doesn't know if his behaviors are good or bad because you're mad at him yet rewarding him with affection.

Don't ever chase a man - make him chase you.
Both of you will be happier that way.
You have the power. They will always come back... Just remember that.

[Deyla2324]

I know he knows why I came over, he just chooses to make me feel like he is the victim. That I am the one that messed up and feels like I have to suck up. I sent a message last night saying that I wanted to start over, that I missed him when were not talking or seeing him and he just ignored me. I waited all day for him to say something. I texted and called and nothing. Just said that was busy at work. I really wish that I could turn off my feelings and stop thinking and needing to communicate with him. I truly feel I’m messed up!!!

[lady411]

Whenever you feel like calling or texting, resist the temptation and write it down on a journal or type it up on your phone pretending it's a text but DON'T SEND IT to him. It will only give him the power over you. Like Xiximmxi stated: make the man chase you!

[Deyla2324]

I’m always so stupid, I get upset and I start to call or text. Hoping I get a reaction from him. It does works we talk but I it’s never what I wanted. He is always nice but cold. I put myself down all the time. I keep on telling myself that I need to be strong and stay away from him but I am so hopeful that things will work out how I want them to be.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry. I understand how you feel. But you need to stop this cycle... block him from all social media if necessary, try not to see him ever again, just avoid him completely. I'm sorry you're dealing with this

[xiximmxi]

Deyla -
Why do you feel like you have to suck up?

He is used to you being passive and falling for his tricks. It shouldn't be tit for tat, but if he isn't willing to put in the effort to make this work, why should you? Relationship takes two people. You have to not care if he doesn't care. Fake it til you make it if you have to! You'd be surprised by how he behaves when you don't react the same ol' way.

Have him come to you next time. You don't need to go to his house where he is probably expecting you to swallow your feelings, watch TV, have sex with him and leave quietly. Earn his respect by respecting your own self, needs and wants.

[Deyla2324]

Today I asked him to not contact me anymore, that I cannot continue to break up with him every single day. Tomorrow it’ll be 2 weeks since he broke up with me. I have to continually remind myself of all the things I didn’t like about the relationship and hopefully I will be able to move on.

[Fuzzybear]