Guilt from family

I know. I get it. Believe me, I come from a family where the fallout is as bad as after a nuclear bomb.

Thank you for understanding. Yes, I have no idea what the fallout from this will be -- but i need to be firm yet compassionate about their feelings. I would like to involve them in a celebration with family afterwards.

Hi golden_eve!

While I am definitely no where even close to your stage of life where you are getting married yet, I have observed a similar situation with some of my family members before, when a cousin on my father's side of the family eloped, sending his parents and that side of the family into a frenzy, exactly the same family who hosted the most ornate wedding and reception in a church for another cousin from that same side of the family just a few years before. Like what has already been stated in this thread, this seems to be a pattern with conservative or traditional families when they see their loved ones tie the knot.

Again, I'm no expert in dealing with loved ones, much less in the realm of up-and-coming marriages, but I can most definitely say from experience from counseling to help resolve everyday stressors I have with my family that setting up boundaries is a tried and true method. And in this case, it's asserting control over how you will plan your marriage in a cheaper fashion instead of letting someone else take control, regardless of any resulting feelings. Another helpful tip I've learned here on PC and also from you is to avoid guilt trips wherever possible. Your family members should definitely stay out of taking complete control over your life and marriage plans, and there is surely no guilt from my end about your plans no matter how they appear. You don't have to pack your bags for another guilt trip anymore!

To bring some humor in, one of my favorite Yahoo Answers I have seen recently (about how to deal with clingyness in relationships, but no less different solution) was short and simple:
"I think we have this situation taken care of, I LOVE YOU"
"Thanks so much for your input, but I'll let you know when I need it, I LOVE YOU"
"I have my own way of handling things, I LOVE YOU"
"I'll still keep you in mind as we plan this out I LOVE YOU"

Hope this helps!

You should get married exactly how you want to get married. Maybe people will get mad but they will get over it. My parents wanted me to have a big wedding, get married in a church, etc. and I didn’t do anything they wanted because it was my day. Not theirs.
They will guilt you, but be strong and just know they will just have to get over it.

Hi there, this does help, thank you so much! I love the humor at the end and the quotes!!! SO perfect. I would love to use those on them!! Hehehe. You make very valid points, as do many on here about this issue.

I just now have to get the guts up and stick to my guns!!!! Be firm in my stance, and TELL them as opposed to ASKING them.

Yes, don’t ask. Tell them it’s the way it’s going to be and that’s it.

You're so welcome! That's music to my hears to hear that I was able to help you and help you feel better about the situation! And by the way love the way you phrased your last point, I so agree and definitely think that you are on the right track! Might as well try those out for real, why not??

Thanks!! Hugs, and more hugs!

YES!! Make a "statement" and don't ask a question.

Them: You mean you are not going to do a wedding?
You: Yes that's right I am not going to do a wedding!
Them: You mean we won't have a ceremony where I give you away?
You: Yes, not going to go that route
Them: Oh, that's terrible I think, we think you should
You: You had your own wedding, I am want mine simple and want to spend more on my honeymoon and that's my final decision.

LOVE IT!!!!

God bless all your truly loving parents who do get over it. I don’t have any more relationship with my really toxic family. Sadly, there was never enough I could do to please them no matter how I bent over backwards for them. It pleases me to see there are so many healthy people out there.