[Zararose]

Because my ideal relationship and 'love' is beginning to feel like a fairytale. Am I chasing something unrealistic?

Has anyone found their special someone who makes them happy? And I mean actually happy, not just happy for show.
Someone who shares the same future goals?

I really don't think I'm that great of a person that someone will meet me and fall head over heals in love with me. I don't actually believe it

[divine1966]

I am happily married so yes. He is the one. We don’t have any issues and don’t even ever argue as we just blend smoothly. It’s just simply always great. But it did take me awhile to find the one.

I was married before and although my ex is an excellent father and we remained friends he wasn’t the one. We weren’t a good match. I wasn’t the one for him either. He also found the one now. So it does take awhile for some people to find right match. And some people find it early on.

You don’t have to be some uniquely great person to find love though. All kind of people find love. But I think I understand how you feel in a way. My daughter is a widow, she is dating now but she is convinced that she’ll never find right person to marry second time or that something bad will happen to people she meets. She started therapy to get out of negative thinking. Are you in therapy?

I have not. Though I have found many contenders there was always some obstacle. I.e., the person was already married or they were in another area of the country or they were substantially older / younger, they weren't into me.

So I believe it is possible to have a "one" but excessively hard.

Personally I feel that most of the stable marriages that I see are with the "one that works ok for most times". Sometimes I think "the one" / a person who makes you happy -- will simply be short lived. So I do think there might need to be a change in what you are looking for.

[divine1966]

I’d say longer you stay with people who clearly aren’t “the one”, less likely you’d meet the right ones.

[astoldbyginger]

Originally Posted by Zararose

Because my ideal relationship and 'love' is beginning to feel like a fairytale. Am I chasing something unrealistic?

Has anyone found their special someone who makes them happy? And I mean actually happy, not just happy for show.
Someone who shares the same future goals?

I really don't think I'm that great of a person that someone will meet me and fall head over heals in love with me. I don't actually believe it

I totally feel you. I'm approaching my 30s and realizing my entire outlook on life is changing. I used to be excited about dating, meeting new prospects, falling in love etc but after being head over heels in love with my last ex and that not working out, I'm very skeptical. I remember when I was telling someone close to me I was going to break it off with my ex because of xyz reason they told me, "yea, well you'll go through that with anyone you're with so you might as well tolerate it from him." I was like WHAT?! This person is married. It gave me the impression that everyone settles and over time builds an appreciation for the person who stuck it out with them but idk. I am single now but I don't have the same enthusiasm about love/ soulmates/ marriage that I once had.

Yes I have found “the one”. We’re recently engaged, totally head over heels in love and very happy together. We’re good for each other and have a great relationship. I had to kiss a LOT of frogs though before I met him.

I have absolutely, without a doubt found the one. We recently moved in together and things are going very well. This man is my best friend, confidant, and soulmate. I can only pray that everyone else finds their love like I have.

[MickeyCheeky]

((((Zararose)))) I believe you can find "the one". But it's not easy. I'm sorry you're struggling, but don't give up hope... keep looking, you can never know when it comes.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

((((Zararose)))) I believe you can find "the one". But it's not easy. I'm sorry you're struggling, but don't give up hope... keep looking, you can never know when it comes.

I think Zara has a boyfriend and questioning if age should settle for what he has to offer or she has hope to find the right one as her boyfriend isn’t “the one”. That’s how I see it

Originally Posted by Zararose

Because my ideal relationship and 'love' is beginning to feel like a fairytale. Am I chasing something unrealistic?

Has anyone found their special someone who makes them happy? And I mean actually happy, not just happy for show.
Someone who shares the same future goals?

I really don't think I'm that great of a person that someone will meet me and fall head over heals in love with me. I don't actually believe it

Hi Zara, you can definitely find true love if that's what you really want in life. I think a person needs to see value in themselves though and feel worthy of love in order to fully receive love. When one doesn't love oneself or see value in themselves, it's easy to attract those who will abuse and those who will take advantage. So please think of yourself as worthy of true love. Embrace all your unique and wonderful qualities that make you YOU. Know that you have much to offer the right person, when they come along. See value in yourself. Love yourself. Everyone has problems, faults and weaknesses, but you need to embrace all the good, positive qualities within yourself. (((((hugs))))))

[WishfulThinker66]

Yup, I believe I have. It only took me three horribly failed relationships and reaching age of 48 years old. Frankly, I will admit I was fed up, felt I was a terrible failure, and stopped looking. I really didn't expect this fella to come along and 'drop' into my life. We have clicked since the beginning and I can say I am happy and content. Now, not to say I have settled persay but I realised I had some pretty impossible standards and expectations.

[s4ndm4n2006]

I dont' believe in "finding" the one nor that they exist. I believe in choice and that choice is in that you find the one you desire to have in your life and decide to commit yourself to them for life and that makes them the one. It kind of takes "fate" and all that hoopla out of the mix and also removes the ability to make excuses for why things didn't work out if they don't. Hmm, suppose I should elaborate.

When relationships and marriage is based solely on choice which I believe it is, it says a couple of things. if the relationship were to do well and be the ideal one for you it's because the two people make the choice everyday to remain committed through everything and work on things because of that commitment. If it is based on the idea of some ambiguous feeling or thought that this person has to be some special Ideal, it will pretty inevitably fail because there is no perfect one for anyone because no one is ... well... perfect. When you acknowledge that the failure and/or success of your relationship is based on decision and commitment it is not only empowering but far more rewarding than some idea that they are the "One" and you were lucky to find them blah blah blah.. meaning you had no choice in making things work or not, because well it's because they are the One.

Which idea is more believable to you?

Originally Posted by Zararose

Because my ideal relationship and 'love' is beginning to feel like a fairytale. Am I chasing something unrealistic?

Has anyone found their special someone who makes them happy? And I mean actually happy, not just happy for show.
Someone who shares the same future goals?

I really don't think I'm that great of a person that someone will meet me and fall head over heals in love with me. I don't actually believe it

"Can anyone on here actually say they have found "the one"?"

Yes. I can. Me. I am "the one" for myself. Not being cheesy or or funny (some will take it that way, but they can kiss my arse). Everyone is different and I find I am working best right now on my own outside of a relationship. Do I still want to be in a relationship with someone else right now? Not really. Do I ever want that though? Hell yes. I have wanted that in the past and will want it in the future. I am just happy being single right now. And I am also happy in general. Do I have ups and downs? Yup. You might consider listening to this podcast if interested in caring more for yourself, self compassion, self love, and even self marriage: The Soft Shoulder Podcast

Now. Some people may work better as a couple and really want to be part of a couple. And I do not know everything. But this is just a topic that I'm learning about because it interests me.

Have I ever been with someone where I thought "he's the one." I will be honest for you: No. The closest I came was a relationship I was in in college. But it didn't last and I'd like to not divulge details. I was young though, and I was never like, "I want to marry this bro." Do I hope to find the one someday? Yeah. But I also think our society is SOOO set up to make people think and feel like if they aren't in a relationship then it's so sad and all their fault. Neither of these things is true. I mean, sure, it could be one's fault if they have a lot of character defects. But then you just have to work on yourself. There's nothing wrong with being single.

"Am I chasing something unrealistic?"

Maybe. It depends. Are you looking for personal happiness from a relationship? One thing I'm learning is not to do that. Relying on others to make you happy is the best way to be sad. Happiness comes from inside yourself. Not someone else. I mean, yes. Someone else can make you happy. And should never be abusive. And there are dealbreakers. But look at the link in the next answer.

"Has anyone found their special someone who makes them happy? And I mean actually happy, not just happy for show?"

Don't rely on someone else to make you happy.

My answer for you is I have been happy in relationships, and I have been sad in those same relationships. Relationships have ups and downs. And yes, we NEED connection and sometimes even sex for emotional health and wellness, and happiness. But what I'm learning is not to rely on someone else to make you happy. As long as they're not abusive or a jerk, as long as I feel an attraction, and they communicate as well as vice versa, I'm good.

All I can tell you is where I am, what I know and am learning. And that I am happy in my life.

Good luck.

[~Christina]

My first husband ? Big fat no. We were both young and it felt like the thing to do , get married have a child. My daughter is the only good that came from that marriage. Her dad is an excellent father , so I’m grateful.

My second is wonderful and I can’t imagine life with out him.

I kiss a few frogs before I found my “ one”

[Quarter life]

I think that in life it is extremely rare to ultimately end up with the one we loved the most...or the one we love the longest. Successful relationships aren't always only about love, so many other factors like timing, finances, geography come into play.

This said....I believe that if we focus on our own personal goals, whilst building a life we can be proud of, then we attract like minded others...others who could very possibly be a version of 'The One'. But as mentioned above...don't give yourself over in the hope of being made happy by another person, it takes a lot of work from both sides for relationships to progress to a place of health and happiness. My best advice when entering into any type of romantic relationship is that its ok to be on the same highway, but in separate lanes...keeping a margin of autonomy and a sense of self.