[Deyla2324]

It’s been about a week since my last post. I’m doing much better, and I have accepted that my ex and I are not together anymore. This last week, I stopped checking his profile and I think about him but not as it was before. I been busy and just trying to go on. He stayed away until today that he sent a text message saying his mother passed away. I asked if he wanted me call tonight and go to the viewing tomorrow. He said yes to both. I called and he said he was alone, I feel bad for him but I don’t want to be insensitive but I really don’t want to go. I mean we’re not together anymore, it’s been a month and 2 weeks since we broke up and he basically pushed me out of his life. I tried to fix things even when I knew that he didn’t treat me right when we were together. Am I a bad person for thinking like this and do you think I should go and be there for him? When I mention it to my brother he said that I should not go because we are not together anymore. Also I want to continue moving forward and finally feel that I am over him.

[Bill3]

You are not a bad person.

What do you think will happen if you go?

What are the pros and cons of going?

((((Deyla2324))))

I think you should do what feels most right to you. What does your gut tell you? If I hear you right, I think you’d prefer not to go but you feel guilty for not. Never feel guilty for taking care of yourself.

[Deyla2324]

Once again he makes the decision for me. I told him I wanted to be there for him but 1 my kids have my car and 2 he pushed me out of his life. He sent a message saying that I should not worry that he had his friends and girlfriends giving him support. I’m done, I feel bad for him and I try to be nice and he completely says something hurtful. I’m too good for him! He is blocked on social media and my cellphone.

[astoldbyginger]

Originally Posted by Deyla2324

Once again he makes the decision for me. I told him I wanted to be there for him but 1 my kids have my car and 2 he pushed me out of his life. He sent a message saying that I should not worry that he had his friends and girlfriends giving him support. I’m done, I feel bad for him and I try to be nice and he completely says something hurtful. I’m too good for him! He is blocked on social media and my cellphone.

Don't be a door mat. If you don't think it's best for you to go, don't go.

[eskielover]

I'm a little confused.....you were ONLY wanting to be there for him because YOU felt sorry for him being alone. Then when he assures you that he is not alone & has friends & girlfriends there supporting him you get offended?

Did you know his mom? Did you have any kind of relationship with her? You aren't together. Did you really expect him to not have friends supporting him right now since you were no longer in his life?

I am just trying to get a real picture of the dynamics that are going on here. Why is it so hurtful that he is assuring you that you don't have to be nice to him just because you feel bad that he lost his mom & you thiught he was alone without any friends supporting him.

Unless you knew his mom well, sending a nice sympathy card would be suffucient in this situation to show that you are sad about his loss. Expressing your condolences is sufficient in this situation. You should have been done with him before this. Were you hoping that feeling bad for him & reaching out would make him realize what he had lost when he dumped you? That woukd have been enough for me to never consider even reaching out other than sending a card to acknowledge his loss.

[divine1966]

You only dated him 5 months and it wasn’t mostly happy relationship as you fought all the time. Going to his mothers funeral is totally unnecessary and uncalled for. What for? It was a brief dating experience and it’s over.

Were you subconsciously hoping to get together with him? And why did you assume he would be completely alone? Just because he was alone when you called, it doesn’t mean he is always alone. He perhaps was just alone at the time of your phone call. Or maybe he wanted to be alone that one day. You said he is an outgoing person, usually outgoing people know other people.

I am not sure why he informed you about his mother passing, who knows. I’d let him go and block him

[eskielover]

A few more thoughts on this:

I feel bad for him but I don’t want to be insensitive but I really don’t want to go.

Once again he makes the decision for me.

I told him I wanted to be there for him but 1 my kids have my car and 2 he pushed me out of his life.

Sounds to me like he did not make any decision for you. You aren't going....you really didn't want to go. You are the one that wanted to be there for him. He NEVER asked you to be there for him. He only informed you that his mother had died. He only responded yes to your offer.

Yoyr kids had your car. How did you expect to get there or did you assume he would pick you up?

Sounds to me like yiu didn't really want to go & you are the one that should have made that decision for yourself in the first place. If anything, your kids made the decision for you by having your car so you couldn't get there. I don't see anything in this picture where he made any decisions for you. He just has told you facts about what is going on in his life. Maybe at most he helped yiu make tge decision yiu shoukd have made yourself in the first place.

[divine1966]

Most people would feel weird if someone they dated for few months showed up to the funeral of their parents. Especially if that dating experience was largely negative.

I agree with Eskie. I don’t see how he made a decision for you. He didn’t ask you to come or even to call him, he just responded to your initiative. But even if he did invite you, it’s not making decisions. You can make your own decision here. Cutting ties is probably the best

[s4ndm4n2006]

I'm not even sure why you keep in touch with texting with a person that you said didn't treat you right, and pushed you out of his life? I need some clarity here. Personally I don't get either of you going back and forth. For him, why does he feel the need to keep in touch with someone that he proverbially dumped, and for you why would you even worry about a person that did so?

As Eskie asked did you even know the mother? The ONLY reason to attend this person's funeral is to pay THEM respects, in this case you're no longer obligated in any way to attend as you are now an EX. He kicked you to the curb.. he broke up with you, it's on him to comfort himself and find support from others.

You state that you want to move on but there is something in you that is continually looking for reasons to hang on. You are not going to move on as long as you still let yourself think you're responsible in any way for his support, happiness and peace. You're not, he made that clear when he broke things off.

Move on, block him, stop talking to him and work on your own life, your kids and just wipe that brief "bad" experience from your mind. He treated you badly and then left you. walk... away... completely.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're struggling, Deyla2324 I don't think you have any obligation to go. You have to do what you feel is right. If you don't feel like going, then don't go. And please, don't feel guilty about it. You're not a bad person, it's perfectly normal you'd feel that way