[missunderstood93]

Boyfriend Replying & Posting Adds On Craigslist For

Possible trigger:

Casual Encounters M4T

I am soo confused, the other day I went on my laptop and tried to login to my outlook account but my boyfriend of 6 months left his email signed on. When I glanced at his emails I noticed he has been responding to Craigslist adds. I noticed the dates of the when the email where sent and it was at the first 2 months of our relationship. Then I noticed one that was just a few weeks ago.

Possible trigger:

The titles of the emails where disturbing to me "hung-28yr-male-MFT", I clicked on one email and noticed there was numerous messages between him and another man. My boyfriend had sent explicit photos of him self to a guy who responded to his Craigslist post.

As I was skimming through the emails I noticed he had met up with this man and was paid to have sex with him. The man also had sent him a message saying "it was cool meeting you last weekend let me know if you're down to meet up again sometime and are you cool with $200 every time?".

I then noticed that there we other messages more recently, my boyfriend gave the guy his new phone number which he got 2 months ago and was looking to meet up with him again.

I have not brought this up with him yet and I do not know how to bring this up, I am so confused and hurt. I really need some advice on what to do, I am not against peoples sexuality or want to make him feel embarrassed about his sexuality. But I do not want to be with someone who is cheating or thinking about cheating on me with anyone (man/woman/or another gender).

How do I bring this up and what should I do about this?

[healingme4me]

It might just be best to be honest about seeing this.

[Lefty Seven]

He's selling himself by way of deception. There are no mitigating circumstances. Smack him upside the head with an aluminum bat.

[~Christina]

I would admit you saw it and end the relationship right then and there. You need tested for STD’s.

Be grateful you didn’t have a long time invested in him

[Molinit]

I think you know everything you need to know. Cut it off. If he asks why, just respond "you know why." and let him figure it out.

[divine1966]

End it right now. And immediately see you doctor to test for STD. There is nothing else to discuss.

You don’t want him give embarassed? He is a pristitute selling himself for money and keeps it a secret from you and you worry about embarrassing him? If he is easily embarased type he’d not have sex for $200

[downandlonely]

I wouldn't be concerned about the bisexuality. It's more the fact that he's a prostitute and that he has hidden it from you. I hope you were having safe sex. I don't really believe in ending things without giving a reason, so I would tell him what you saw and then break it off. And definitely get tested for STDs. By prostituting himself, he was putting you at risk as well.

I agree with the other posters, ditch him for putting you at risk get yourself tested for std's as well

you deserve better than him

[Medusax]

Exactly, Down. I don't have anything against gay or bi people, but this could be a health issue for the SO. This is what comes of lying and sneaking. trouble for everyone involved.

Yes, if you feel you need to confront him, then do, but please do get out of this relationship and get yourself tested... I agree with all of the above posters.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by missunderstood93

Boyfriend Replying & Posting Adds On Craigslist For

Possible trigger:

Casual Encounters M4T

I am soo confused, the other day I went on my laptop and tried to login to my outlook account but my boyfriend of 6 months left his email signed on. When I glanced at his emails I noticed he has been responding to Craigslist adds. I noticed the dates of the when the email where sent and it was at the first 2 months of our relationship. Then I noticed one that was just a few weeks ago.

Possible trigger:

The titles of the emails where disturbing to me "hung-28yr-male-MFT", I clicked on one email and noticed there was numerous messages between him and another man. My boyfriend had sent explicit photos of him self to a guy who responded to his Craigslist post.

As I was skimming through the emails I noticed he had met up with this man and was paid to have sex with him. The man also had sent him a message saying "it was cool meeting you last weekend let me know if you're down to meet up again sometime and are you cool with $200 every time?".

I then noticed that there we other messages more recently, my boyfriend gave the guy his new phone number which he got 2 months ago and was looking to meet up with him again.

I have not brought this up with him yet and I do not know how to bring this up, I am so confused and hurt. I really need some advice on what to do, I am not against peoples sexuality or want to make him feel embarrassed about his sexuality. But I do not want to be with someone who is cheating or thinking about cheating on me with anyone (man/woman/or another gender).

How do I bring this up and what should I do about this?

this has nothing at all to do with you making a judgment about his sexuality, it doesn't even need to be the focus of the dialog. The fact that your partner is having casual sex secretly with other people is the problem regardless of the orientation of said encounters.

I would not keep this to yourself for one second. In addition to the idea he's stupid for cheating in the first place it's his own darned fault for leaving the email logged in on your computer so you didn't even have to snoop to find out. You're free to mention what you saw, I think. But you dont' even need to justify yourself. walk away. Just tell him matter-of-fact that he's a cheater and you want someone that's faithful and leave it at that.

I said walk. I meant RUN.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're struggling, missunderstood93 I'd say run away from him as soon as you can. He's cheating and lying on you, and it has nothing to do with the fact that he's seeing men... how would you have reacted if he was seeing women instead? Please dump him as soon as you can. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

For me, it's the betrayal of the relationship time and time again!

Nope! ... That's It! ... Done! ... Finito!

Time for him to pack his @#$%! & get the @#$%! out!

It's also imparative that you get tested for STD's immediately, then again in 3 months and yet again in 6 months!

Do not delay on this!

Your very life could depend on it!

[amandalouise]

I cant tell you what to do about the situation. Im not you, or in your location or going according to your locations rules for internet dating.

what I can tell you is that craigslist has shut down their internet dating / personnals section due to child abuse perpetrators, human trafficking, and people using their site to gain access to victims for sexual crimes.

my point is if he is caught in one of craigslist random "stings" that they and the police do now on craigslist your significant other can face major prison time for things like prostitution, and other crimes based on your locations laws and rules.

my suggestion if this was me I would just be polite and say... next time you visit craiglist you might want to log out because I dont want to be involved. then just casually mention you heard people are not supposed to be looking for dating and sex on craigslist, its now against the site rules and the police do "stings" there now because of dating/ sex crimes were happening on it.

[amandalouise]

here is the link about craigslist shut down their personnals/ dating area Craigslist shuts down its personals section

[lizardlady]

I agree with others. This is not about his orientation. It's about him cheating.

I would confront him about what you found. Tell him lying and cheating are totally unacceptable. Then boot him out the door. Then have yourself tested for STDs. Repeat the tests as necessary since some diseases can take time to show up.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

I cant tell you what to do about the situation. Im not you, or in your location or going according to your locations rules for internet dating.

what I can tell you is that craigslist has shut down their internet dating / personnals section due to child abuse perpetrators, human trafficking, and people using their site to gain access to victims for sexual crimes.

my point is if he is caught in one of craigslist random "stings" that they and the police do now on craigslist your significant other can face major prison time for things like prostitution, and other crimes based on your locations laws and rules.

my suggestion if this was me I would just be polite and say... next time you visit craiglist you might want to log out because I dont want to be involved. then just casually mention you heard people are not supposed to be looking for dating and sex on craigslist, its now against the site rules and the police do "stings" there now because of dating/ sex crimes were happening on it.

I agree on the part about telling him to log out, although while he is in the process of logging out it should be at the same time as he is sent packing anyway. Outside of that, the dude is cheating on her, wtf would she warn him about the rules on craigslist? I wouldn't.

edit: *also no reason whatsoever for her to be polite to this lying cheat*

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I agree on the part about telling him to log out, although while he is in the process of logging out it should be at the same time as he is sent packing anyway. Outside of that, the dude is cheating on her, wtf would she warn him about the rules on craigslist? I wouldn't.

edit: *also no reason whatsoever for her to be polite to this lying cheat*

if you re read my post you will see I did not say .........the poster.............should be polite.

I said ........if this was me I would be polite.........

I am a person that picks my battles. Im also in the belief and culture that going online and posting a personal ad is not cheating. to me its only cheating if they actually meet out in public... in other words same mentality of visiting porn sites and having a playboy/ play girl magazine in the bathroom or bedroom...

for some people this kind of thing is an enhancement to ones sex life.

we do not know what the actual type of religion, marriage vows, culture and such these two people are living in. all we know is what the poster has chosen to place in their post.

my point for .........me............ it makes no sense for me to tell someone else they must hit them over the head with a weapon, kick the lying cheating dude out when I dont know the whole off the computer story, life style and such.

which is why I can only post that for me what I would do if this was me and my wife. I would politely point out to my wife that she forgot to log out and inform her of that websites rules and that its now a crime here where I am to solicit sex on the internet (prostitution laws) and that this site has officially closed down their personnals/ dating site.

the fact that craigslist has shut down their personnals/dating area alone tells me that what my own wife may post would be a hoax/ just for the fun of it, not a serious attempt at dating/cheating. there are other more popular sites for this kind of thing that are free for registering and playing ads.

in marriage there comes a thing called unconditional trust and love. a person in a marriage doesnt just jump on the hes/she is cheating get rid of them band wagon over one problem ... placing an internet ad. we live in the digital age, people do go on facebook and twitter, craigslist and dating sites, heck even here at psych central people post things they wouldnt normally do in real life.

unless my wife actually comes to me and says ....hey I met someone online at such and such a website and we met..... thats when I will consider it to be hey you cheated on me, where do you want to go from here, lets take some serious time to talk about why you felt you needed to do that, what in our lives isnt giving you what you need, has this happened before...... la,de da da da.....

I just dont see the point in my getting upset over if my wife was on the internet posting an ad and having conversations with people on the internet. its no different than the girly/stud mags in the bathroom... for some people its fantasy play.

only the original poster and their loved one knows their whole story and why this happened in their own lives and thats who should be dealing with the situation... between the two of them.

all I can do is post what I would do if this was me and my wife.

[s4ndm4n2006]

"my suggestion if this was me I would just be polite and say... next time you visit craiglist you might want to log out because I dont want to be involved. "

Is implying that you are suggesting that one should be polite. I dont' know many people that would take that statement any other way. you're giving your own example of what you would do, which is, in any other conversation a way of giving a suggestion so I dont' think that I was out of context by saying what I did.

I am a person that picks my battles. Im also in the belief and culture that going online and posting a personal ad is not cheating. to me its only cheating if they actually meet out in public... in other words same mentality of visiting porn sites and having a playboy/ play girl magazine in the bathroom or bedroom...

I don't disagree with your contrast from posting an ad or watching or looking at porn is not the same but I feel you missed some of the context in the original post since it was stated in the first post that he already had met with the guy and that via emails she found that he was planning to meet him again, so while your statement about posting an ad is not cheating - though obviously the intent is there if one does post an ad... but that's obvious, but it wasn't simply talking nor viewing or posting but actual cheating that happened.

so as the rest of your post, it kind of falls under the same thing. the OP mentioned up front that she knows he met with the guy...

I don't believe for a second in remaining with anyone prone to deceit in the form of cheating that cheats. so yes I stand firm in the belief that walking away from a cheater is the best idea.

*edited for clarity*

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

if you re read my post you will see I did not say .........the poster.............should be polite.

I said ........if this was me I would be polite.........

I am a person that picks my battles. Im also in the belief and culture that going online and posting a personal ad is not cheating. to me its only cheating if they actually meet out in public... in other words same mentality of visiting porn sites and having a playboy/ play girl magazine in the bathroom or bedroom...

for some people this kind of thing is an enhancement to ones sex life.

we do not know what the actual type of religion, marriage vows, culture and such these two people are living in. all we know is what the poster has chosen to place in their post.

my point for .........me............ it makes no sense for me to tell someone else they must hit them over the head with a weapon, kick the lying cheating dude out when I dont know the whole off the computer story, life style and such.

which is why I can only post that for me what I would do if this was me and my wife. I would politely point out to my wife that she forgot to log out and inform her of that websites rules and that its now a crime here where I am to solicit sex on the internet (prostitution laws) and that this site has officially closed down their personnals/ dating site.

the fact that craigslist has shut down their personnals/dating area alone tells me that what my own wife may post would be a hoax/ just for the fun of it, not a serious attempt at dating/cheating. there are other more popular sites for this kind of thing that are free for registering and playing ads.

in marriage there comes a thing called unconditional trust and love. a person in a marriage doesnt just jump on the hes/she is cheating get rid of them band wagon over one problem ... placing an internet ad. we live in the digital age, people do go on facebook and twitter, craigslist and dating sites, heck even here at psych central people post things they wouldnt normally do in real life.

unless my wife actually comes to me and says ....hey I met someone online at such and such a website and we met..... thats when I will consider it to be hey you cheated on me, where do you want to go from here, lets take some serious time to talk about why you felt you needed to do that, what in our lives isnt giving you what you need, has this happened before...... la,de da da da.....

I just dont see the point in my getting upset over if my wife was on the internet posting an ad and having conversations with people on the internet. its no different than the girly/stud mags in the bathroom... for some people its fantasy play.

only the original poster and their loved one knows their whole story and why this happened in their own lives and thats who should be dealing with the situation... between the two of them.

all I can do is post what I would do if this was me and my wife.

He already met wuth a guy and had sex for $200 and now making new arrangements. Not sure why you call it a fantasy and do not consider it cheating.

Ok so it sounds that you wouldn’t be upset if your wife solicited sex for $200. It’s fine. Your choice. But OP is clearly upset. How is it helpful to tell her that you wouldn’t be upset if your partner solicits sex online (for real or as a joke). Does it really make a difference for OP to learn that YOU are ok with your partner doing all these things that upset OP? OP is hurt. What purpose does it serve to tell her that these kind of things don’t hurt you?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Is implying that you are suggesting that one should be polite. I dont' know many people that would take that statement any other way. you're giving your own example of what you would do, which is, in any other conversation a way of giving a suggestion so I dont' think that I was out of context by saying what I did.


I don't disagree with your contrast from posting an ad or watching or looking at porn is not the same but I feel you missed some of the context in the original post since it was stated in the first post that he already had met with the guy and that via emails she found that he was planning to meet him again, so while your statement about posting an ad is not cheating - though obviously the intent is there if one does post an ad... but that's obvious, but it wasn't simply talking nor viewing or posting but actual cheating that happened.

so as the rest of your post, it kind of falls under the same thing. the OP mentioned up front that she knows he met with the guy...

I don't believe for a second in remaining with anyone prone to deceit in the form of cheating that cheats. so yes I stand firm in the belief that walking away from a cheater is the best idea.

*edited for clarity*

You aren’t out of context.

When one says “my suggestion is XYZ”, then they are making a suggestion. If someone just wants to share things about their own marriage, then statement “my suggestion..” wouldn’t be necessary. No one makes suggestions to themselves if they are simply sharing

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by missunderstood93

Boyfriend Replying & Posting Adds On Craigslist For

Possible trigger:

Casual Encounters M4T

I am soo confused, the other day I went on my laptop and tried to login to my outlook account but my boyfriend of 6 months left his email signed on. When I glanced at his emails I noticed he has been responding to Craigslist adds. I noticed the dates of the when the email where sent and it was at the first 2 months of our relationship. Then I noticed one that was just a few weeks ago.

Possible trigger:

The titles of the emails where disturbing to me "hung-28yr-male-MFT", I clicked on one email and noticed there was numerous messages between him and another man. My boyfriend had sent explicit photos of him self to a guy who responded to his Craigslist post.

As I was skimming through the emails I noticed he had met up with this man and was paid to have sex with him. The man also had sent him a message saying "it was cool meeting you last weekend let me know if you're down to meet up again sometime and are you cool with $200 every time?".

I then noticed that there we other messages more recently, my boyfriend gave the guy his new phone number which he got 2 months ago and was looking to meet up with him again.

I have not brought this up with him yet and I do not know how to bring this up, I am so confused and hurt. I really need some advice on what to do, I am not against peoples sexuality or want to make him feel embarrassed about his sexuality. But I do not want to be with someone who is cheating or thinking about cheating on me with anyone (man/woman/or another gender).

How do I bring this up and what should I do about this?

Have you thought about hiring a private investigator to find out whether or not he is cheating on you? Have you thought about borrowing someone else vehicle and following him to his meet up and see for yourself of he cheating on you?

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

It might just be best to be honest about seeing this.

That great advice!

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

Have you thought about hiring a private investigator to find out whether or not he is cheating on you? Have you thought about borrowing someone else vehicle and following him to his meet up and see for yourself of he cheating on you?

Why would she do that???

[Blogwriter]

Hi Missunderstood,

I agree with other people he needs to be out of your life and you need to be tested for STD's. However, I disagree with some of the other posts about the difference between advertising and soliciting. In my mind, they are both harmful to relationships. Just the curiosity of going into a site like that is harmful. I believe loyalty is crucial in relationships.