Girlfriend sexted a guy she knew from a dating site: Is it cheating?

I personally think that while snooping for the sake of snooping is wrong, if you have suspicions like the one you had, I'd look too. Don't be too hard on yourself. And I'm sorry your ex gf cheated on you. Yes, imo what she did is cheating. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Like Sandman said, it could have been worse. Good for you for breaking up.

I just meant why wouldn't I be angry that I discovered that my girlfriend was cheating on me - I reacted in a perfectly natural ands rational way.

It doesn't matter how early on I caught her cheating, the pain is still the same and it is the ultimate betrayal and a definite deal breaker.

You are 100% correct. This is the mature, rational way to handle this. BUT...as a person who has been cheated on (long past, LOL!!) the cheater is not going to do anything but lie and tap dance their way around the subject and deny everything.

Exactly, so that's why I did what I had to do in terms of snooping on her phone and my suspicions were confirmed.

I am a victim of this and I can tell you after being married for 16 years and my wife decides to to this, I believe it is wrong, dangerous and the same thing as cheating. It hurts very deeply.

Sorry to hear this mate, it's such a gut wrenching feeling realising that someone who professes to 'love' you can act this way.

How are you coping? Did you end the relationship?

my views on sexting in general.... here in the USA there are laws against doing it, meaning its illegal so my wife and I do not do any sexually explicit texting to each other or anyone else.

that said we both have the same view that sometimes engaging in sexual talk/ flirting with others can enhance ones sex life. we both have accounts on a few x rated sites that we are able to talk with like minded people who enjoy a bit of sexual conversations. heck even psych central for a while allowed sexual conversations with like minded persons in private chat together.

my suggestion is to check with your locations laws and such, and sit down together and talk about what your wife or partner and you decide what is acceptable in your relationship and what isnt. people in coupled relationships naturally discuss many things including sexual topics as part of their relationship.

so if this was me and I was having a problem with something my wife was doing I would discuss it with her, I mean any relationship issues are ultimately between the persons in the relationship right.

we cant tell you if your wife is going something wrong and what you should do about it. only you and your wife and decide that. we can tell you are personal views on sexting but we cant tell you to leave the relationship or work it out or this is wrong and all that because we are not you, we are not your wife and we are not in your location with your locations rules and we are not your religious .... well you get the picture. ...

bottom line there is so much that dictates what is right and wrong and so on in everyones own locations, cultures, races, religions that I would not even venture on telling you whats going on with your wife and you should be handled this way or that.

I can only tell you what it is in my location and what my own wife and I would do in this situation. and what my own personal views on this is.

I'm sorry that this has happened to you!. My sister and her friend and my niece is are like this. There excuse is oh they weren't with anyone when they knew they were.

It doesn't sound like she really cared about you or your feeling. It funny how the person who is being cheated on is always blame.

I'm sorry that this has happened to you!

I agree that it time to leave this relationship.

I agree that it is cheating. That how it start with my brother cheating.

I already have.

In my situation I caught her BEFORE it got to the physical side. Either way she was cheating.

You're right, it is funny how they turn the blame onto the victim and never accept responsibility - classic move.

Thanks. Do you think I was right to have checked her phone due to her Whatsapping into the early hours of the morning when she'd claimed to have gone to bed?

A lot of times partners play that game. They leave a trail of clues, you become suspicious that they're cheating, they angrily accuse you of having trust issues--and then it turns out they were cheating all along. I think you were right to check her phone, if you had reason to suspect, and it sounded like you did.

Yes, I think sexting with somebody else while in a committed relationship is cheating. I see you've already ended the relationship. Good move. It was the right thing to do.

Something similar happened to my husband with his last girlfriend before he married me. He had two vehicles, a car and a pickup. She had borrowed his pickup, supposedly to go on a "ladies' night out" with friends. Later, driving his car, he happened by chance to pass a motel, and noticed his pickup parked out front of it. He investigated, and found her there with an old boyfriend. (Doesn't that sound like something out of a country song?) Well, there she was, caught, but all she could do was get angry. At him, for supposedly trying to control her, and at the motel clerk for "violating her privacy" by telling him what room she was in. Hey, he had a right to know what she was using his pickup truck to do! But prime example of blaming everybody except herself for the consequences of her actions. Needless to say, the relationship was over, and I'm the one he married.

She made it so obvious (to me) that she was up to something. Her Whatsapp 'last seen' times kept changing regularly into the small hours of the morning and I knew she was using it as when I asked her ages ago why she was online so early, she said she hadn't and that it was the automatic backup doing its stuff!!

This is the first time that I've been cheated on and I already feel wise enough to have known the signs to look for in regards to cheating.

UPDATE:

Ok, so two nights ago I got a text out of the blue from my ex saying "Can't we still be on talking terms?" I responded yes sure and then she responded stating once again that she 'didn't cheat and that she didn't do anything'.

What would you make of it, is she trying to get back with me?

I could be wrong, but it sounds to me like she's trying to be sneaky. Give her an inch and she'll take a mile, as the saying goes.

My ex-husband used to play that game. He'd ask for tiny little concessions that if I refused, I'd look unreasonable, and then slowly those tiny little concessions pushed the envelope more and more. We'd end our relationship, agree to a divorce, and he'd leave. After that, it would start with "hello." I mean, I can't refuse to say "hello" back, can I? How rude would that be? Gradually it would build up to a short conversation, then a longer one, then meeting for a cup of coffee somewhere.... to talk about the kids, of course. They're his kids too. How can I deny him that? Once I'm comfortable with meeting him elsewhere, soon he's wanting to come over and watch TV together. As he leaves to go home, oh, come on, just *one* little kiss. Next comes spending the night.... Before I know it, we're back together as a couple, just like we never separated, and I'm wondering how the heck he managed to snake his way back in.

Eventually I realized I can't be "just friends" with him. He doesn't respect boundaries or take no for an answer. Everything I permitted, he'd push for more and more. The only way to keep him out of my life is to keep him completely *out* of my life. We have two grown kids together, but nowadays he doesn't even know where I live, or what kind of car I drive, or my phone number, or anything about me.

The fact that once your ex received permission to speak to you, the FIRST thing she wanted to do was deny all wrongdoing and absolve herself of any responsibility is a big red flag to me. You'd feel rude if you don't answer her texts, which will grow more and more frequent, until... well, you get the picture.

If it was a serious relationship maybe you need to clear the air over coffee.

Yes I think she had an emotional affair but (I’m playing devils advocate) maybe she didn’t see it as emotional cheating at the time and there would need to be ground rules set in place.

That or block her on your phone and move on

I think you could be right. There is some motive behind her messages, for which I'm not entirely sure what that is yet.

Did you mean she's trying to be sneaky by possibly worming her way back in?



I know exactly what you mean and what starts as an innocent 'hello' could turn into a relationship before time once again ultimately as you rightly said.

We both considered the relationship to be serious but I'm not sure entirely if she wants to get back with me or what her intentions are? I've asked her but she skipped the subject.

I agree with you and don't think that she saw it as emotional cheating either because she has not admitted that what she did was wrong or has she shown any remorse for her actions.

Of course she's been sneaky throughout, beginning with the sexting while leaving you clues, then denying it. Now she's being sneaky by putting first one toe and then another over the boundary you've set, until she's across it completely. Yes, based on my very similar experiences, it does look to me like she's trying to restore the relationship without actually having to admit to anything or change her behavior.

UPDATE:

So my ex has been texting me the last few days (just making small talk) and asking things like how am I doing etc.

I have ignored her messages for a few days and now she's texting me things like are you not speaking to me?

I feel like she's stopping me from moving on and more importantly I don't know why she is reaching out to me when I dumped her.

I'm inclined just to block her and delete her number.

It feels like some game that she's playing with me.

Block her. Simple.

Done.

No more nuisance messages hopefully.