Girlfriend sexted a guy she knew from a dating site: Is it cheating?

one thing that I have learned in my relationships of the past was that no one could prevent me from moving on from a relationship. I make my own decisions as to whether I want to stay in a relationship or not.none of my past girlfriends or present friends or even online forums could make that decision for me.

like a therapist once told me... only I know whether I want to move on or not, if I am not moving on then its not because someone else is to blame. the blame is mine.

I make the choice whether drop someone or not, block them or not and so on. no one can control me, read my mind or make me stay in a relationship other than me.

my suggestion is to do what one of my therapists had me do, instead of relying on strangers to tell you what to do, sit down and write down why you are in this relationship, whether you want to stay in or get out and why, whether you want to block this person or not...

because ultimately we cant tell you what to do. only you can tell you what to do.

here is something that my therapist had me think about one time.... why was I allowing strangers around the world to tell me what I should and should not do? do they ..........really..........know all the details or only what I choose to tell them, do they ............really .......know me personally and know what is right for me and my life or not...

my answers were its so easy for me to sit back, write a post online and let thousands of strangers tell me what to do and then if what they say to do is wrong I got to place the blame on them, instead of accepting the blame that I chose to let strangers around the world tell me what to do...

now I ask you what do ..........you ........want to happen?
What do ............you...... want to accomplish in this?
what do ..........you.......... want out of not moving on?

my point there are 8 pages here in this thread of people telling you what to do, what we would do if we were in the same situation, but I would like to know what .............you. want to do, not what we tell you to do............because its your situation, your body, your life, not ours. its not really up to us what to do about this.

Good for you!! It's really hard for some - including me, at one point - pulling away like that from someone you once thought highly of with a block. Sometimes, it really is necessary and though it may seem harsh, in hindsight you'll probably have no regrets over this choice. I really wish for you a peaceful, calm, steady recovery from this mess. Take care

Thanks for your advice and help again everyone, it does help.

UPDATE: (again!)

Ok, so I blocked her a few days ago and just last night I've had two text messages from a number I didn't recognise and it was her (again) asking why I'm not talking to her?

Seriously, it looks like she's went and bought a new SIM Card so that she can text me and now I've had to block that too!

My ex is now proving herself to be unstable in my opinion and it is starting to annoy me.

I will continue to not respond and block but I just don't understand why she wants to maintain contact when I told her we are done? Of course she knows I'm very depressed and hurt at her actions which led me to end the relationship but talk about kicking a man when he's down!

I don't know how it works in the UK, but you might be able to get a restraining order if she keeps that up. Then if she tries to contact you again, she can be arrested. Ask a police officer or a lawyer, if necessary, how to do that.

I would call her directly, tell her to STOP bothering you, to STOP getting other numbers to text you, that yes, she is correct --- you don't want to talk to her --- that it's OVER because of HER, and if she continues you will talk to the police for harassment. Then hang up. That should resolve it.

blocking her was the right choice imo. AT this point, I would agree with those about restraining orders after this point, if and only if, blocking her does not thwart her actions. What I mean is yes in some cases it becomes a police matter, but blocking her will, in most cases take care of the problem and most typical barring the most stalker-ish types, will give up after that. Let's hope.

getting a new sim card doesnt change a persons phone number. to get a new phone number a person has to coontact their cell phone provider and ask for a new phone number or a person goes out and buys a completely new phone then calls the provider number and registers that phone with the cell phone provider. but even then you end up with the same phone number if using the same cell phone provider.

my suggestion is not to call this person and not to engage in this person why because if this was me and someone was stalking me by cell phone I would be contacting my police department, showing them the text verifying I had told them to never contact me again and show the texts of them trying to make contact. then what would happen is the police go to the offending person and arrests them for harassment. the person spends a night in jail, goes to court and is court ordered to stop then if they continue they get arrested a second time and spend 5-25 in prison.

How do I know this.... because I have had cell phone stalkers of those I have had to break off relations with. by continuing to answer their texts, reading their texts before deleting and calling them just to tell them "I told you not to call me again, not to text me again" that giving that person the attention that they want.

like my therapist once said to me if I met someone on the street that followed me would I keep stopping to talk with them or would I run the other way and stay away from them? I cant control others but I can control how I react.

online life is the same way, you cant get a restraining order of someone constantly calling or texting your cell phone, if it was that easy there would be millions of tgelemarketers out there never calling people ever again. lol

for restraining orders, you have to show in a court how their behavior is putting your life in danger.. how their calling your phone and texting you is placing your life in danger ie show in court threats of harm texts. texts of lets get back together, why arent you talking to me, please answer me,.... dont qualify for restraining orders.

I have also been known to call my cell phone provider and have them change my own number to an unlisted cell phone number. then give that number to those that I want to have that number. problem solved.

my suggestion its up to you to decide whether you are going to continue to contact this person in turn making the choice to have contact with this person or if this continued to bother you take steps to ensure this person no longer has a working phone number contact for you. there are so many different ways a person can successfully solve this problem, it just takes taking the time to figure out what you want to do about it and then follow through with it. this person has your phone number so by law they have the freedom to call or text any number they want to, unless you can go to court and show how their doing so is putting your life in danger. so now its up to you to decide if you want this person to continue having a phone number for you or do something that will make it so that they dont have your phone number.

Thanks everyone for your opinions and advice again.

I guess she must be a little soft in the head if she is trying to reach out to me like this when I've made it clear that I don't want to hear from her again.

She is behaving like a child playing games.

If she's really playing childish games, she wouldn't be trying to contact you. She'd be out f*king another guy. She's trying to have a mature conversation with you. Why not just talk to her and see what she has to say? Acting like an adult means to hear both sides, not rally support to justify that cheating is the worse offense over breaking someone's trust irregardless of your intuition. The more I read the responses (yours and others) to this thread, the more I think this girl deserves more credit and a chance for her to tell her side of the story. Why exactly did she want to cheat, what did you do to give her the reason to? Just something to think about.

Why would you think that the OP did something that causes the GF to cheat? No one has that much power over someone-to force them to do something. For whatever reason she cheated. It could have been because the OP was the biggest jerk in the word or that the OP sneezed in her coffee one morning- its still a choice. That said, I agree that there are two sides to every story and we are only hearing one side.

Cheaters cheat, whether anybody gives them reason to or not.

If the girlfriend found the OP all that odious, the mature thing to do is not to cheat but to end the relationship.

No one causes no one to cheat. If someone causes you to be unhappy because they treat you bad, then proper way is to end a relationship. If you want to sleep with others because your partner is no good, it’s fine but end a relationship first or at least inform your partner that you are about to cheat so other person has options. Someone causing someone to cheat is just not ever the case.

A cheater trying to have an adult conversation, after the fact? Interesting take on this but in my opinion, an adulterous partner loses their right to have a conversation discussing any issues because they've cheated.


This is exactly the excuse cheaters use to rationalize the deceptive practice of cheating. The most used excuse I hear over and over for those caught cheating is that the partner is one thing or another, did something to make them do it etc. Pro tip: Cheating is 100% a choice made by the cheater and is never the responsibility of the victim. Don't like how your partner behaves? get counseling, work it out or leave. Cheating is not a solution to a single thing that a spouse, bf or gf does that you don't like.

Well, my mate texted me earlier today to say that he had just by chance seen my ex girlfriends profile very much active on a dating website.

All I said to him was that I wasn't interested and that it clearly didn't take her long to 'move on' - nearly three weeks!!

It's her loss, her loss.

She was seeing other people while dating you so I don’t think the issue is that she moved on but that she was never that serious to begin with. Time to move on for you too

I agree with divine, it's time you move on, too.

I agree with you.

In hindsight, yes she was never that into me and it was mostly all a guise.