[willdness]

Hey I hope everyone had a good New Year’s Eve.
This is basically all that happened to me last night. So I was talking to my ex boyfriend which was a mistake on my part because he was always highly manipulative but I thought he had changed. So we go to this party with his friends last night. We were all drinking and I got a little too drunk and I passed out on the couch. It was fine, I was fine. Everyone kept talking about me and asking my ex if I was okay. I think he got very irritated about it. So when I woke up we all played pool, I accidentally knocked over his cup of alcohol. He then told me we had to talk alone. He basically told me I’m too drunk to be with his friends and I had to go Home, and that he was upset because everyone thought we were together. I told him I didn’t want to go home because there were a bunch of drunk drivers out. I went back inside and sat on the couch and cried in front of everyone, super embarrassing because they were all people I didn’t know and they were all super snobby. So I went back outside and I told my ex I was walking home. He caught up to where I was to tell me to get in the car and I pushed him out of the way. He insisted I get in the car with him so I did. The whole ride back to my friends house I was calling my friends crying and telling them what happened. I kept telling my ex he was a piece of ****. I ****ed up so bad last night and I lost him. He blocked me on everything. I don’t know how to fix it or move on with my life. I just need some advice or some sort of explanation as to why I did all this. Was the alcohol telling me he isn’t good for me or just my own stupid ***?

Sounds like a lot of drama you didn’t need. Probably best that you don’t hang out with your ex again. It wasn’t a good situation you put yourself in. Lesson learned. Try not to let it ruin your outlook. It’s a new year. Time to let go of what was and move forward. Hugs.

[divine1966]

I honestly think that going to parties with one’s ex is a bad idea. Getting drunk and passing out in strangers’ houses is probably something you need to avoid as well. It could be dangerous. I’d completely cut ties wuth him and try to focus on other things. Positive uplifting healthy things. Perhaps new friends or hobbies etc etc Start New Year wuth new resutions: no exes and no drinking and no drama. You can do it! Hang in there

[Open Eyes]

Drinking/consuming alcohol isn't good to do when struggling with depression or anxiety for that matter. While the alcohol increases dopamine in the brain it also makes it harder for that area of the brain to produce dopamine "naturally". It's important you pay attention to how you respond to drinking alcohol, passing out at a party with strangers is not safe even if others at the party happen to also be consuming alcohol. It sounds like you had too much alcohol and too much is something that depends on the person doing the drinking too. Well, you passed out and then ended up waking up and it sounds like you experienced a depressed state which is why you ended up crying in front of strangers that just did not understand the chemical behavior you were exhibiting. People can be rather stupid about how they observe others who drink who might not really be able to handle alcohol all that well. Everyone is different in how they might react to alcohol too and when someone has depression or anxiety once the alcohol wears off they can feel even worse and be extra depressed and some who drink can get angry and say mean things they later regret, that is if they can remember. Younger teens and young adults often think they need to drink alcohol to fit in, but the truth is you really don't HAVE to go along and consume alcohol some people just can't drink like others seem to be able to do and it's really ok to just drink a coke and not have any alcohol. I know for myself I was what is called a cheap drunk so I would only drink a glass of wine or two and then switch to coke or tea, I never wanted to get too drunk or pass out and be so vulnerable like that and besides no one wants to be a "sloppy" drunk, especially if you are a female. There are lots of people that go to parties and have a nice time without drinking. If you struggle with depression then you should look into antidepressants, and if you are already using an antidepressant they all pretty much warn about not consuming alcohol while taking them. It's really up to you to learn how to manage yourself with what you can handle and what you should not do. Take this experience as a lesson of what NOT to do for yourself next time.

[downandlonely]

I agree. Alcohol is a depressant, so it is the worst thing to do if you're already depressed. It will always make you feel worse, not to mention the effects on physical health and safety. I've never been able to hold my alcohol and I take anti-depressants. Usually I don't drink any alcohol, just soda or something. Occasionally I will have one drink, but then I stop. I'm scared of losing control and passing out and having someone take advantage of me. You are really lucky someone didn't hurt you at that party. Your ex could have done something to you.

Anyway, the ex doesn't sound like a good or supportive guy. Don't worry about trying to get him back. Focus on taking care of yourself first.

[Bill3]

I ****ed up so bad last night and I lost him.

I just need some advice or some sort of explanation as to why I did all this.

It sounds like you might have had an interest in getting back together with him. How accurate is that?

[sarahsweets]

That situation was a recipe for disaster. Even if you hadnt been drinking or not that drunk hanging with the ex and his friends sounds like you would be outmatched.

[healingme4me]

He had no need to tell you how everyone was telling him that they thought you were back together and that it bothered him. Did he not think that would happen in inviting you to hang out with them?

Sounds like a crappy experience. It sounds shame inducing. A complete set up for failure and embarrassment.

Do you have a set of friends that can help you move on from him?

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by willdness

Hey I hope everyone had a good New Year’s Eve.
This is basically all that happened to me last night. So I was talking to my ex boyfriend which was a mistake on my part because he was always highly manipulative but I thought he had changed. So we go to this party with his friends last night. We were all drinking and I got a little too drunk and I passed out on the couch. It was fine, I was fine. Everyone kept talking about me and asking my ex if I was okay. I think he got very irritated about it. So when I woke up we all played pool, I accidentally knocked over his cup of alcohol. He then told me we had to talk alone. He basically told me I’m too drunk to be with his friends and I had to go Home, and that he was upset because everyone thought we were together. I told him I didn’t want to go home because there were a bunch of drunk drivers out. I went back inside and sat on the couch and cried in front of everyone, super embarrassing because they were all people I didn’t know and they were all super snobby. So I went back outside and I told my ex I was walking home. He caught up to where I was to tell me to get in the car and I pushed him out of the way. He insisted I get in the car with him so I did. The whole ride back to my friends house I was calling my friends crying and telling them what happened. I kept telling my ex he was a piece of ****. I ****ed up so bad last night and I lost him. He blocked me on everything. I don’t know how to fix it or move on with my life. I just need some advice or some sort of explanation as to why I did all this. Was the alcohol telling me he isn’t good for me or just my own stupid ***?

interesting how after the crappy way he treated you, you're concerned with the idea that you "lost" something? IMO you gained insight into the fact that he likely will never change, there's a reason he's an ex and now you have good evidence to seal the idea that he needs to not only remain an ex but you needn't have any contact with this person anymore.

Nothing to fix, you don't sound like you did anything wrong except to choose to be involved in a party with someone you likely had been manipulated and/or abused by before.

The alcohol likely didn't do anything but cause you to be drunk. The fact that he's not good for you remains true. A good friend wouldn't call you embarrassing and make you leave from a party where likely everyone was drunk and being stupid. He lives to make you less than him. It likely has nothing to do with your behavior in particular except that it's you and he knows he can manipulate and control you.

Walk. Away. and never look back. you can do better.

Yes, I agree with others. Don't contact him again. You can't change the past but you still have a future aside from him.

[mote.of.soul]

Hi willdness,

Happy New Year to you as well.

I don't think what you did was all that bad tbh, and if prior to the party your ex was still a friend of yours then blocking you on all the social medias for getting a bit drunk, spilling a couple of drinks, and having a cry seems, to me, a bit OTT. But, hey, that's what he did so, at the end of the day, you just have to accept that now. It'll be okay willdness. Let him go. In hindsight it will be for the best really. I guarantee you, your story was probably repeated 100,000 times with other people that night.

Originally Posted by willdness

...I don’t know how to fix it or move on with my life. I just need some advice or some sort of explanation as to why I did all this. Was the alcohol telling me he isn’t good for me or just my own stupid ***?

I just think you still liked him as a person, maybe you were feeling a bit lonely and wanted some company, and that's why you decided to hang out with him. That's completely normal and human. And of course getting drunk can bring out all kinds of emotions sometimes, that's all. I think it was your own mind telling you he isn't good for you, and I agree, he's not.

Give it a couple more days and you'll bounce back from this, don't worry.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by willdness

Hey I hope everyone had a good New Year’s Eve.
This is basically all that happened to me last night. So I was talking to my ex boyfriend which was a mistake on my part because he was always highly manipulative but I thought he had changed. So we go to this party with his friends last night. We were all drinking and I got a little too drunk and I passed out on the couch. It was fine, I was fine. Everyone kept talking about me and asking my ex if I was okay. I think he got very irritated about it. So when I woke up we all played pool, I accidentally knocked over his cup of alcohol. He then told me we had to talk alone. He basically told me I’m too drunk to be with his friends and I had to go Home, and that he was upset because everyone thought we were together. I told him I didn’t want to go home because there were a bunch of drunk drivers out. I went back inside and sat on the couch and cried in front of everyone, super embarrassing because they were all people I didn’t know and they were all super snobby. So I went back outside and I told my ex I was walking home. He caught up to where I was to tell me to get in the car and I pushed him out of the way. He insisted I get in the car with him so I did. The whole ride back to my friends house I was calling my friends crying and telling them what happened. I kept telling my ex he was a piece of ****. I ****ed up so bad last night and I lost him. He blocked me on everything. I don’t know how to fix it or move on with my life. I just need some advice or some sort of explanation as to why I did all this. Was the alcohol telling me he isn’t good for me or just my own stupid ***?

No! I think what he did was harsh and hateful. I think he was waiting until you were vulnerable to do that to you. He isn't good for you because he wouldn't do that to you if he was decent.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Bill3

It sounds like you might have had an interest in getting back together with him. How accurate is that?

I think it possible!

[willdness]

Originally Posted by Bill3

It sounds like you might have had an interest in getting back together with him. How accurate is that?

At the time I did, I feel bad for hurting his feelings.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Drinking/consuming alcohol isn't good to do when struggling with depression or anxiety for that matter. While the alcohol increases dopamine in the brain it also makes it harder for that area of the brain to produce dopamine "naturally". It's important you pay attention to how you respond to drinking alcohol, passing out at a party with strangers is not safe even if others at the party happen to also be consuming alcohol. It sounds like you had too much alcohol and too much is something that depends on the person doing the drinking too. Well, you passed out and then ended up waking up and it sounds like you experienced a depressed state which is why you ended up crying in front of strangers that just did not understand the chemical behavior you were exhibiting. People can be rather stupid about how they observe others who drink who might not really be able to handle alcohol all that well. Everyone is different in how they might react to alcohol too and when someone has depression or anxiety once the alcohol wears off they can feel even worse and be extra depressed and some who drink can get angry and say mean things they later regret, that is if they can remember. Younger teens and young adults often think they need to drink alcohol to fit in, but the truth is you really don't HAVE to go along and consume alcohol some people just can't drink like others seem to be able to do and it's really ok to just drink a coke and not have any alcohol. I know for myself I was what is called a cheap drunk so I would only drink a glass of wine or two and then switch to coke or tea, I never wanted to get too drunk or pass out and be so vulnerable like that and besides no one wants to be a "sloppy" drunk, especially if you are a female. There are lots of people that go to parties and have a nice time without drinking. If you struggle with depression then you should look into antidepressants, and if you are already using an antidepressant they all pretty much warn about not consuming alcohol while taking them. It's really up to you to learn how to manage yourself with what you can handle and what you should not do. Take this experience as a lesson of what NOT to do for yourself next time.

I'm sorry that you are struggling right now! There is a right way the situation could had been handled. What happen was the wrong way!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

That situation was a recipe for disaster. Even if you hadnt been drinking or not that drunk hanging with the ex and his friends sounds like you would be outmatched.

I agree it sound like it was planned. Like he planned this!

Well, this is a new year so you can start out fresh without him.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

I agree. Alcohol is a depressant, so it is the worst thing to do if you're already depressed. It will always make you feel worse, not to mention the effects on physical health and safety. I've never been able to hold my alcohol and I take anti-depressants. Usually I don't drink any alcohol, just soda or something. Occasionally I will have one drink, but then I stop. I'm scared of losing control and passing out and having someone take advantage of me. You are really lucky someone didn't hurt you at that party. Your ex could have done something to you.

Anyway, the ex doesn't sound like a good or supportive guy. Don't worry about trying to get him back. Focus on taking care of yourself first.

That is great advice! I agree!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

He had no need to tell you how everyone was telling him that they thought you were back together and that it bothered him. Did he not think that would happen in inviting you to hang out with them?

Sounds like a crappy experience. It sounds shame inducing. A complete set up for failure and embarrassment.

Do you have a set of friends that can help you move on from him?

My ex did that to me! I was so embarrassed because I didn't know about the break up and everyone else knew.

[healingme4me]

I had not quite a similar experience but certainly had an exbf with this push/pull dynamic going on. So many mixed messages, ambivalence. There was a semblence of sincerity, don't get me wrong, but the ambivalence factor was what the "friends" or his friends would hear all about. So the invites would continue to tag along or what have you. But naively the atmosphere was uncomfortable but didn't quite seem so because of politeness of them. So yeah, with the OP it makes good sense that an overwhelming amount of emotion would spill forth. Because it's like smoke and mirrors without the alcohol. The alcohol just pushes through the stuffed down emotions.

Originally Posted by Buffy01

My ex did that to me! I was so embarrassed because I didn't know about the break up and everyone else knew.