[romantic rose]

I have a so called 'friend' (will call him friend but has been more in the past and is around a lot) who I see and talk to regularly right now. If I was an outgoing and confident person who liked to go out and meet people, I probably wouldn't. But given my loneliness and introversion I am in contact with him on the phone or in the flesh almost every night.

He thinks very differently from me. I have always been very left and interested in politics, and mental health issues. He regularly calls me a 'fruit loop' and a 'manipulative *****', (although he can't say how I am manipulative, he just knows it winds me up). I hate when he says this and I make that well known to him. But he keeps doing it. He keeps making stupid jokes about 'SJWs' (and I don't see myself as one) and 'lefty liberal snowflakes' and accuses me of being one, and he knows this annoys me but even after I've made it plain I don't appreciate it, He never stops. He makes racist comments all the time. He also likes winding me up with videos he knows I won't like and says I need to grow up and stop being such a snowflake. Because he says all these things I call him a p***k, and he then accuses me of being as bad as him, so that makes it ok, when I only say these things because he is deliberately trying to annoy me. It's not like I am deliberately spending the whole time doing that to him, I would rather have a deep and meaningful discussion.

Am I just being a snowflake and need to grow up, or is my annoyance justified?

I think you need to ditch this guy and find nicer people to hang out with. He’s acting like a jerk.

[healingme4me]

I agree, he's acting like a jerk. Incessantly teasing is unnecessary. Can't you all talk about other topics? Is there anything else you share in common other than the childish/sophomoric back and forth banter that he only sounds capable of?

[downandlonely]

He does sound like a jerk. And also I don't even know what he means by snowflake or SJW.

[mogwai]

Um, he's absolutely not a friend and you have every right to be angry with how he's treating you. And you talk to him every night?? He's ****ing with you, verbally and emotionally. This isn't a friendship or even an acquaintanceship, it's clearly a bullying situation. I understand that being lonely means you lower the bar for relationships, but this sounds like a nightmare. A friendship needs to benefit you in some way, make you feel supported, comforted, happy, accepted. You're being bullied. I would completely ditch the guy and cut contact.

Please ditch this ****. He's not your friend, he's just awful.

[MickeyCheeky]

He's being awful to you Dump him as soon as you can.

[seeker33]

I absolutely wouldn't keep meeting this guy. It's rather be alone in peace than with someone like him.

[Carmina]

He sounds like a toxic bully - not a friend

[Travelinglady]

I agree with the rest of the folks. He is a toxic friend and you'd be better off without him. You are not a "snowflake." Tell him to can it or your friendship is over. Tell him that talking politics is now taboo.

[eskielover]

People I think differently from & know that our discussions on those differences will make for a BAD conversation....I avoid those topics with them. (I don't avoid those conversations with others that are more mature in their discussion abilities).

So why do you keep having conversations like this with him. Why don't you redirect the conversation to something that won't bother you. A conversation is a 2 way street & the direction it flows is the RESPONSIBILITY of both in the conversation.

If it is him who is insisting on a political conversation then yes dump him.....but if it is your interest in politics driving the conversations in this direction then you are just as responsible as him for the conversations since YOU KNOW where he is coming from & what he will do.

I only say these things because he is deliberately trying to annoy me.

just remember you can NEVER CONTROL what other people say or do but YOU CAN control how you react to it.

[divine1966]

In the light of recent events I don’t understand how and why anyone would be ok with someone making racist comments? He doesn’t even have decency to hide his feelings. So you are in contact with a horrible human being because you are lonely and introverted? I am kind of confused on that.

Romantic Rose, I think that it can be really hard to make good friends especially when you are lonely. I sort of experienced something similar to you in the past. I was lonely and the person I gravitated towards was a jerk, but willing to have me over all the time and hang out, and he felt FAMILIAR. He WAS familiar. And it was also a toxic friendship big time. He did not respect my boundaries when I said "Stop it." He was rude and insulting as well, and turned it all into a "joke." Are you in therapy? Perhaps a good therapist can help you learn to deal with your loneliness in a more positive and healthy way.

[romantic rose]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I agree, he's acting like a jerk. Incessantly teasing is unnecessary. Can't you all talk about other topics? Is there anything else you share in common other than the childish/sophomoric back and forth banter that he only sounds capable of?

Unfortunately it seems not. Very occasionally he'll talk about what is going on in his life but he doesn't have many friends either.

I am interested in politics and I think that's why he brings it up, to deliberately wind me up. But I don't often talk about it, other than to retort to what he has said. As someone else said I need to react differently and also to avoid politics with him, I guess if we had more going on in our lives it might help.

[romantic rose]

Originally Posted by divine1966

In the light of recent events I don’t understand how and why anyone would be ok with someone making racist comments? He doesn’t even have decency to hide his feelings. So you are in contact with a horrible human being because you are lonely and introverted? I am kind of confused on that.

He tends to contact me because he is on his own a lot too. I have known him for years (but not so well) as I knew him when he was a kid.

[romantic rose]

Originally Posted by KnitChick

Romantic Rose, I think that it can be really hard to make good friends especially when you are lonely. I sort of experienced something similar to you in the past. I was lonely and the person I gravitated towards was a jerk, but willing to have me over all the time and hang out, and he felt FAMILIAR. He WAS familiar. And it was also a toxic friendship big time. He did not respect my boundaries when I said "Stop it." He was rude and insulting as well, and turned it all into a "joke." Are you in therapy? Perhaps a good therapist can help you learn to deal with your loneliness in a more positive and healthy way.

Yeah it's the same situation, I have known him for years but had no idea he held such views. I'm not in therapy, no.

I tend to go on social media to talk to like minded people, but unfortunately they don't live geographically near me so can't really meet up. Really I need to see if there are people in my area who are similar. I am supposed to be moving soon so that might help as the town where I am going is more political in general, which might give me a healthy outlet for my interest in it.

[romantic rose]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

He does sound like a jerk. And also I don't even know what he means by snowflake or SJW.

I think 'snowflake' is something alt right followers tend to call people on the left, and SJWs are 'social justice warriors' who are left wing too. It's American terms and we're not even in the US. 'Snowflake' I think refers to our 'delicate' easily offended nature apparently. He says I am too sensitive but I would rather be like that than the way he is. He spends his time deliberately trying to offend me, so I suppose if I reacted with indifference that would help a lot more.

SJWs tend to be more concerned with identity politics, which is why I don't really see myself as such, I'm more of an old school socialist, which doesn't go down well with a lot of people, but I don't spend all my time trying to wind him up about his beliefs. He did say I should give as good as I get, but I'm not like that and don't see the point in engaging in his game of pointless insults. But he has said that. If he is trying to toughen me up though he has a funny way of doing it and it just isn't me.

[Albatross2008]

It's OK to have different views from other people. But the minute he started calling you names, and deliberately winding you up, he ceased to be your friend. He is a world-class, um, lower orifice of the digestive tract (trying to avoid profanity there) and your life would be happier without him in it. No matter what the political leaning, no friend would treat you that way.

If he's that lonely, he'll learn that if he wants to keep you as a friend, he'll start treating you with respect.

[s4ndm4n2006]

I think it has nothing to do with trump support or not. This is about someone being a terrible companion/friend and someone that is about being argumentative, insulting and degrading. That, to be honest comes from every walk of life, political view and group. I think left or right people can be jerks to others and no one is at all excluded from this.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by romantic rose

I think 'snowflake' is something alt right followers tend to call people on the left, and SJWs are 'social justice warriors' who are left wing too. It's American terms and we're not even in the US. 'Snowflake' I think refers to our 'delicate' easily offended nature apparently. He says I am too sensitive but I would rather be like that than the way he is. He spends his time deliberately trying to offend me, so I suppose if I reacted with indifference that would help a lot more.

SJWs tend to be more concerned with identity politics, which is why I don't really see myself as such, I'm more of an old school socialist, which doesn't go down well with a lot of people, but I don't spend all my time trying to wind him up about his beliefs. He did say I should give as good as I get, but I'm not like that and don't see the point in engaging in his game of pointless insults. But he has said that. If he is trying to toughen me up though he has a funny way of doing it and it just isn't me.

Well regardless of the origins of the terms, it's an insult and insulting someone regardless of your basis (political or otherwise) is not the way one treats someone that you want or expect to spend time with.

People with differing views of politics can be friends to be honest but that is only if both of the parties can respect that their views do not agree with each other and therefore typically the subject isn't broached. Even with friends I've had that disagree strongly with my views or vice versa, I would not and have never felt the need to call them names. They are my friends after all.

This person is not your friend and is combatant combative. I believe they are the type that live for confrontational conversation and has found in you someone that they can confront and jab at. They probably are only connected to you for that reason alone. Most people that disagree that strongly and cannot find common ground would walk away and not have anything to do with them so likely they've found in you someone that is willing to endure their demeaning nature. Dont' be that person and don't enable them to be a d**che to others. By continuing to let them berate you you are essentially validating their behavior and emboldening them to continue. cut it off or at the very least let them know that that type of commentary is unacceptable and cut them off if they start every time. walk away, leave the conversation, etc. if that doesn't work then cut them off entirely.

If they are truly someone worth your time, they will stop and you'll find common ground elsewhere to talk about. Otherwise there's no other reason to continue.

[LiteraryLark]

To the OP...

There are three taboo topics not to discuss freely with acquaintances or strangers: Religion, sex, politics

I avoid talking politics with anyone, period. It's the quickest way to lose friends. Occasionally, the topic will be brought up among my closest friends and we are careful of what we say, but we generally agree with one another and are comfortable enough to express our views without getting upset, even though between us we are split down the middle of political views. I had one friend who was a bit of highly opinionated so-and-so, but we managed to agree to disagree. It's definitely not easy, and I feel what you are feeling romanticrose, I've been in that situation and it definitely hurts. I'd ditch that friend right away if he's going to bully you making you feel bad about what you believe in.

[WinterWolf]

Possible trigger:

Oh Lord. In kind regard to politics "If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever." -George Orwell

The term 'snowflake' though political - is intentionally meant to invalidate you. It's not a thing a person says to another person if they have any intention of considering your thoughts.

[TishaBuv]

According to Wikipedia: Snowflake as a slang term involves the derogatory usage of the word snowflake to refer to a person. Its meaning may include a person perceived by others to have an inflated sense of uniqueness or an unwarranted sense of entitlement, or to be over-emotional, easily offended, and unable to deal with opposing opinions.

I looked it up out of curiousity. Yes, it’s a bullying term.

Bottom line; you have to make your friend respect your boundaries. If he keeps doing what you asked him not to do, he’s provoking fights with you. You’ll have to distance yourself from him to enforce your boundary, then you lost the friend. But he wasn’t a good friend anyway.

It hurts to lose friends and family, but in time you’ll find better friends who respect you.

[eskielover]

One of tje definitions of snowflake:

or to be over-emotional, easily offended, and unable to deal with opposing opinions.

Guess the question is: Is this the way you react to him?

Applying a definition IF it is correct is not bullying. His behavior getting you to react is uncalled for but you are the one who also wants a political conversation. Can't blame it ALL on him even if his behavior & way of communicating is not acceptable.

[TishaBuv]

I’m a snowflake too. “Over emotional”. But by whose standards? Over emotional implies I am too emotional for someone else’s liking, or I can’t function in society because I get so upset I have to hide while crying. So, I have to adapt and avoid the stuff that sets me off. There’s a place for everybody and there is nothing wrong with a person who was born highly sensitive. I am what I am!