Crush for someone I met on game isn’t over (and I’m married)

I know crushes while married can be normal, as long as you don’t act on it (and I’d never cross that line), but BPD crushes are awful and obsessive and I’m not over mine for someone that I met on an online game nearly a year ago. Someone who has quit the game. I don’t even know what this person looks like lol. It’s on and off (the crush), but I think I just need to avoid the game so I’m not reminded of him. It’s very silly and not rational, I hate crushes!

Do you have a therapist? i do not know if I would say crushes in marriage happen often. I have been married 23 years and it hasn't happened to me. But you are not a bad person because of it. I would try and look at the realism part of it. What do you want from this crush? What are you getting from the crush? is there anything missing in your marriage that makes this so exciting?

I'm so sorry you're struggling so much, VG7515 I completely agree with what sarahsweets has already wisely said better than I ever could. How is your relationship with your husband going? Is there anything missing in your marriage? I'd suggest to think about it. If you feel like something is missing, I'd suggest to talk to your husband about this and see how it goes from there. Hopefully he'll understand. Perhaps you could try couple counseling. Maybe that could help. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings. I hope you'll be able to get the help you need and deserve. Things like this can happen. But live you've said, as long as you don't act on it, I wouldn't worry too much about it. If you're so worried about this, I agree with you about avoiding that game as much as you can. Try to cut off contacts with him as much as you can. Do anything that it's in your power to avoid him. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. Please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon for you. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm sos orry you have to deal with this

It's good that you have been able to find a place you can talk about this challenge so you can get it off your chest.

Here is a way to think about this so you can see how normal this can be. The reason romance novels can be so popular VG is they present the reader with a way to fantacize and most of the time there are no pictures of the main characters so the reader can imagine them in what the reader considers attractive and ideal or evil and ugly etc. It's not unusual to develop a strong attachment to a certain character or story either. In fact, that is also why people like to tune into a certain series every week on TV too. Part of our design as human beings is how we can become "attached" and develop psychological bonds. Most of us are susceptible to this, so for you to feel personal guilt for enjoying some kind of activity where you grew to get attached is really not being fair to yourself. People can and often do get attached and can feel bad if for example the series they watched for a long period of time suddenly ends. Actually, that is why reruns are so popular as a person CAN at least revisit whatever series they grew attached to. Actually, that is why certain series can form what is called "cult followings" too, for example all the people that loved Star Trek so much that they ended up collecting all kinds of memoribilia and even get together at big gatherings to celebrate how much they enjoyed Star Trek. It's really not surprising that this happens with our new technology where people began developing attachments to what you call "gaming and gamers". I will say however that you do have to be careful as there are individuals out there that do this thing called catfishing where they purposely create a female or male that can play mind games with your psychie to disable you, that's their game and they play around with their target or targets until they know they have their targets completely fooled and once they get to a certain point, they just get bored and look for a new challenge.

Yes, this can have a bad affect on marriages too, it's important to remember that this so called virtual world is not reality but instead just made up stories and characters just like all those "fiction" novels and movies etc.

I'm bipolar 1 and this is very common. As for me I'm absolutely in love with my bipolar best friend. We go out everywhere together. Dinners, shows, hockey games, picking her up from work, going shopping, etc. My wife and I have nothing in common but I feel I'm stuck and can't leave. I'm totally able to be myself when I'm with best friend and I love it. Even right now I'm thinking of her. I sent her a snap and going to meet her for lunch.

If your happy with your gaming relationship keep doing it. Most people have no idea what we feel or go through. I'll never stop my crush with my best friend, I'm happier with her and we both support each other. I don't feel bad because that's who I am and I'm honest with my wife that I'm going out places with her. Finding happiness isn't easy for us and when we find something go with it.

That's my opinion. And if you ignore it you're going to suffer as I tried to end it with my best friend. It caused me to be depressed and I just told myself I'm going to do what's best for me. We arent the traditional type so dont feel bad.

FYI I dont see a therapist. PM me if you like to talk about relatable issues. It's nice chatting with like minded individuals. It's a bit exhausting trying to explain what I go through or feel and they're still clueless.

Thank you for the replies and advice, everyone! I’ve been in therapy on and off for a couple years. I’m planning on going back to EMDR therapy as soon as possible! It really helped me when I was in high school. I do plan to speak about this issue with a therapist, it’s the only thing that relieves me temporarily.

My husband is my best friend, and he is also asexual which means he’s not interested in sex. That’s fine with me, but I think even if he was interested in sex, I wouldn’t necessarily be interested in it with him? That sounds terrible, I know. I just don’t feel that sexual attraction towards him, but I feel the love and the connection and if I even think about my life without him, it’s so painful.

My online crush, as I’ve mentioned, has quit the game. He has not been online for almost a year. I’ll miss him on and off, but when I do miss him, it drives me nuts! He went by a made up username like most do, and I never got his real name (understandably), except someone who *thinks* they know his first name. Its probably for the best because I don’t know what my mind would do if I was able to talk to him.

Well as you've clarified you care very much for your husband. Crush, is simply stating that you're attracted to someone for physical or emotional reasons (or both!). that's normal. You can analyze why til the end of time and likely won't have a definitive answer that satisfies you but the truth is, it is attraction, (or) lust, and is purely emotional. You are right if you dont' act on it, it really isn't any kind of cheating or doing anything wrong but for you in these situations, you are also correct in thinking you have to (not should, MUST) walk away when it is possible. I say "when possible" because sometimes it's a coworker or someone you have no option to avoid. But here we are talking about a game. So yes walk away and save yourself the distress it will cause you, because even if you never acted on it, the feelings can become unbearable and cause a lot of problems anyway. When you walk away it will be hard at first but that will dissipate over time. hang in there.

It's good he quit. Just dont' look for or pursue him. That would be crossing the line imo.