[Swvrf]

Just discovered last October my husband of 33 yrs has been doing the following; Found on his digital camera pictures from porn magazines. Then I discovered he is using porn sites, checking out hook up sites. And to finish it off I found a large brown envelope of photographs, over 200 hundred, of myself sleeping naked in bed, shower etc all without my knowledge. They date back to 2007. I feel betrayed, invaded, totally creeped out. My heart is broken and I no longer trust my husband. So his responses have been, all men look at porn. He took pictures of pictures because he was throwing out the magazines and wanted to keep his favorite pics. He says he has never been on a hook up site, his history on his phone says otherwise. And the pics of me is because the last SD card of my naked pics of me was deleted by mistake so he started to print them out. Presently I have a SD card with over 700 naked pics/ video of me. He says he's sorry in one breath and the next he is implying there is nothing wrong. How do we survive this?

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Swvrf

Just discovered last October my husband of 33 yrs has been doing the following; Found on his digital camera pictures from porn magazines. Then I discovered he is using porn sites, checking out hook up sites. And to finish it off I found a large brown envelope of photographs, over 200 hundred, of myself sleeping naked in bed, shower etc all without my knowledge. They date back to 2007. I feel betrayed, invaded, totally creeped out. My heart is broken and I no longer trust my husband. So his responses have been, all men look at porn. He took pictures of pictures because he was throwing out the magazines and wanted to keep his favorite pics. He says he has never been on a hook up site, his history on his phone says otherwise. And the pics of me is because the last SD card of my naked pics of me was deleted by mistake so he started to print them out. Presently I have a SD card with over 700 naked pics/ video of me. He says he's sorry in one breath and the next he is implying there is nothing wrong. How do we survive this?

I'm sorry that this has happened to you! Nobody should ever be in a situation like this. I would look in a trauma specialized in abuse. I would look into counseling for addiction to porn.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Swvrf: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC and welcome to Psych Central.

I'm sorry your privacy, as well as your feelings of safety & security, have been so violated. You asked how the two of you survive this. And I have to admit I don't know. I suppose the obvious answer is couples therapy. However if your husband refuses to take responsibility for what he has done then I doubt any kind of couples therapy is going to help. You may want to consider pursuing some individual therapy for yourself to help you deal with what has occurred.

Here are links to 7 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help in putting this situation into perspective. Included is a link to a quiz you can take to help you determine if your relationship is abusive:

Signs of Emotional Abuse

11 Warning Signs of Emotional Abuse in Relationships

21 Warning Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Signs of Gaslighting and the Cost

How to Understand Gaslighting

https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-ways...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/library/domestic_quiz.htm

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[Skeezyks]

Also... here's a link to an article, that may be of interest, on the subject of how to support your partner in addiction recovery:

How to Support Your Partner in Addiction Recovery (Without Enabling) | Happily Imperfect

[Swvrf]

Thanks for all of the informative links.
This has been a devastating experience and I truly do not know how I will survive this.

[divine1966]

I am very sorry. Honestly I’d not worry about his porn addiction or how “I” am supposed to support him in this.

I’d not stay with this man as he simply cannot be trusted. Unsolicited pics and videos of you naked??? Wonder what he does with them... hope not posting them online for others to see them. Or sells them. But if not still it’s bad enough for me. I’d not trust him and I’d be gone.

Sure I’d seek therapist but all while expediting my divorce. Don’t waste your time diagnosing him.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, Swvrf It must be terrible for you. I'm so sorry. I completely agree with what divine1966 has already wisely said better than I ever could. Leave this man as soon as you can. What he did was horrible. I don't think I would ever be able to trust him again either. Not to mention he didn't even apologize! I don't think you need to waste anymore time with him, Try to get away from him as soon as you can. You deserve so much better. I'm so sorry. It must be veru hard for you. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

[divine1966]

He has 700 more pics of you naked in addition to those 200? I doubt he just has them for his own pleasure. Typically one or two would be enough. My husband likes to have pics of me on his phone and I know he looks at them when he misses me: to clarify I am dressed in there and they aren’t taken in secret, just our vacation pictures or what not.

Hundreds of naked pictures and videos taken in secret aren’t for just persons own pleasure.

You better focus on your safety right now. Don’t destroy pictures but keep in a secret place. They might come handy in the court of law.

[WishfulThinker66]

I am really quite sorry about this all. Hearing it is most upsetting. With all due respect, this is a deal breaker in my book. It is unforgivable and I would be making some sort of plan to exit the situation. You even have a valid reason to go to the police and authorities. Seriously.

You owe yourself so much better than this. Treat yourself as the worthwhile important person you are and remove this trash from your life.

Originally Posted by Swvrf

He says he's sorry in one breath and the next he is implying there is nothing wrong. How do we survive this?

It doesn't matter what he says; his actions speak louder than words.

You should file a police report.

[divine1966]

I agree with others re police report. Even if they won’t do nothing now. Police report will be very handy. Might really help you to protect yourself

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Swvrf

Just discovered last October my husband of 33 yrs has been doing the following; Found on his digital camera pictures from porn magazines. Then I discovered he is using porn sites, checking out hook up sites. And to finish it off I found a large brown envelope of photographs, over 200 hundred, of myself sleeping naked in bed, shower etc all without my knowledge. They date back to 2007. I feel betrayed, invaded, totally creeped out. My heart is broken and I no longer trust my husband. So his responses have been, all men look at porn. He took pictures of pictures because he was throwing out the magazines and wanted to keep his favorite pics. He says he has never been on a hook up site, his history on his phone says otherwise. And the pics of me is because the last SD card of my naked pics of me was deleted by mistake so he started to print them out. Presently I have a SD card with over 700 naked pics/ video of me. He says he's sorry in one breath and the next he is implying there is nothing wrong. How do we survive this?

you survive by dumping his deceitful *****. idk why you'd have any other thought.