[dragonphoto]

I told everyone that we were going Christmas shopping and I thought is was a wonderful day. The weather was nice there were not a lot of people around and my wife seemed happy. I love to see her smile and hear her laugh. So as we were walking around shopping I kept asking her to hold my hand in a playful manner. She kept saying no. So in order to keep the day upbeat I played off this. I kept telling her she knew she wanted to hold my hand and that I have been working out and she would not be able to resist me soon. All of this was done out of jest. Well she took it the wrong way, she thought I was being disrespectful not doing what she asked. We talked about it and came to the conclusion that we both had different perceptions on what was going on. I guess what I am trying to say is how do you get over having two different perceptions in a relationship? We have gone through this for seven years and never really came to a conclusion. Since my meds have kicked in I have felt nothing but love for my wife and I have tried to show her in little small ways like iviting her to play cards one night and even making an email invitation to do something that she wants to do. Apperently I am pushing too much, but I feel if I am not there she is going to slip away into the arms of another man. I am really confused on what to do. I am tired of hearing everyone say, "He who cares the least" that is such a load of BS. If I care the least then that is putting me right back where I was before. I am tired of people telling me she is seeing someone. All I can say to that is if she is she is, apperently I did not do something that made her happy and she is looking for it somewhere else. I really don't think something like that would break up our marriage and to be honest I know she is not seeing anyone. If it is one thing our relationship does have is honesty. I tell her everything and she does the same for me. It took me about a year to gain enough smarts to realize that in this relationship I needed to be honest. We tell the truth because we do not want the other person to feel betrayed. I do so love my wife and there is nothing that I can do to show her that I do love her. Everything I have tried has gotten me nowhere real fast.

[katheryn]

im sorry dragonphoto that everything you are trying isnt working
i was told by a wise lady (my aunt) while in the middle of my seperation that i couldnt work on my marriage untill i worked on getting me better , and from what i read here on the boards is you are doing everything in your powers to work on your health

just a sugestion i know you love your wife but what about stepping back and letting her discover that she still loves and needs you not sure how often you speak or see each other, but im hopping you find the answer you are looking for
((((((((((((((((((dragonphoto))))))))))))))))

[sabby]

((((((((((( dragon )))))))))))

I know you so want your wife to come running into your arms and say that all is foregiven and to come back home and start over again.

Maybe because both of your perseptions of how things are going is what is making this process seem longer than you want it to be. You can't put a time frame on when people begin to "feel" love again. As much as you would like that to happen, your wife is going to feel what she does, when she does whether your perception of the time frame is the same as hers or not.

I know I've said this to you before and I'll say it again hon.....time and patience and acceptance of her boundaries is the only way to go right now. Having acceptance of her boundaries shows her that you respect her and her feelings. That's very important don't you think?

Learning how to talk to one another is an age old difficulty. Men and women communicate differently. Trying to find a way is paramount in understanding each other so there are no questions and no wrong assumptions made by either of you. Then again, assumptions will almost always be incorrect in some way shape or form.

I'm sorry that things aren't seemingly moving in the direction you want them to go and in your time frame. I hope you can find a way to work through this.

Sending you strength and understanding to help you along the way!


sabby

[bebop]

perception is a strange thing. even here on the boards we see what others don't. meaning that what some see people post is not what some think they are saying. I think you should keep up the marriage counseling and working on communication. again don't rush things. maybe when you are playing around with her like that be sure to put a lot of laughter in it. my hubby does little boy talk when he is playing. lol can't help but laugh at that.