Settling or Compromise... Why Am I Struggling with the Good Guy

There are ton of nice men out there. It doesn’t mean one should date or marry them all. It’s a ridiculous notion. I’d say if you aren’t in love dating him and sleeping with him is probably not the best idea, in my books it’s not. Do you love him? On the other hand if a person tends to date and fall in love with abusers and bad boys, but when a nice guy comes along he seems boring then perhaps it’s something to look into.

But generally speaking if you have to convince yourself that you should date him because you finally met a nice guy, I’d say it’s a wrong reason to date anyone. Plus not fair to the guy. I’d bail. And quick.

I asked my h if this is actually true, he said it was!

The first thing, is that there is pressure to pair up; pressure from society and the biological clock if you want children.

Then there is conquering the addiction to the bad boys. They are exciting and elusive.

Then there is the meeting of the nice, normal, available, ready guy. Yes, he is a little bit boring. There is no chase. They are not running. A little boring takes some getting used to, but it is good.

But this guy with the silence is beyond the normal little bit boring. I wouldn’t be able to handle silence while together with someone. What’s the point of being together? I’d rather go out somewhere alone and strike up a conversation with someone.

I'm going to be the devil's advocate here in that there is a lot of comments here making pretty disparaging statements about the guy and no one has said anything about the fact that likely these are two individuals that frankly to not match up. Enough said, really.

To be honest about the quote above? The assumptions made are quite simplistic and stereotyping of males. I cannot dispute anyone's experience but to assume this is true across the board for men (or any other group) is just foolhardy and writes off a good portion of men that do not typically speak a lot and are not ones for conversation.

I for one am one that will tend to be quiet a lot of the time not having a lot to say especially in a new relationship with someone. To assume that I'm going to be looked at as if I am having second thoughts, am not interested or any number of other incorrect assumptions is just not at all accurate. Being in your head does not mean you're thinking about "what an idiot" the other person is, but to be honest, I can sit for great lengths of time being "in my head" thinking about a number of other things or having the weight of many things going on in there.

Just thought I'd add that for the record. It isn't always true and I'd warn against assuming it is.

Can we move away from framing this guy as some "papa smurf" or other insulting terms and just stick with the fact that he is not the type of person that she has a lot in common with?

I agree 100%. Just because a man is not a good match for a particular woman, it doesn’t make him some kind of moron or a loser. I didn’t see anything in the description of this guy that warranted putting him down.

So my sense of humor is hit and miss and I was feeling a bit saucy at the moment when I made the comment, imagining a big, bushy beard the OP said she didn’t like. No offense was intended to the OP. Take my comments or leave them. No worries. Please keep in mind this is a MH site and we are all just peers, here for our own issues.

to be honest, I wasn't so much offended as trying to bring more objectivity to the conversation - where I saw a lot of pointing to the traits themselves, I honestly just think that the two just don't match up.

No worries really I didn't take anything anyone was saying as terribly wrong or anything.