How do I ...

How do I make sure I never post if I’m triggered? Is it “necessary” to reign ourselves in to this extent? I’ve received replies on a couple of forums which were judgmental and which, frankly, hurt me and triggered me...and I guess the kindest interpretation of this is that the person was triggered. I never was “good” at relationships I suppose this extends to online as well .

How do I “improve” at communicating without making so many mistakes that I become a “terrible person”. I was judged as a “bad person” on another forum where they don’t know me at all..(I didn’t put myself down and say what an awful person I am in my post and I was jumped on and judged “only” by two people and a third also posted something very unsupportive and I suspect designed to trigger me. I did report the third post to a moderator there and received a friendly response from a moderator.

I am trying to work on different areas of my life, particularly communication

((Fuzzy)), when you are posting it's important to remember that when other people respond to you and they upset you, often that means that individual doesn't know how to respond to you in a supportive way and instead they may only know how to criticize and choose to pick things others say apart. So, with that know it's not always you that did something wrong. Bottom line is people can be mean Fuzzy. I know for myself I had to learn that when I get triggered I have to step back. I have to say it took me a while to be able to do that. However, I have so much "toxic" going on IRL that I am struggling and not always in a mindset where I am my normal patient self.

Fuzzybear

What I like about a place like PC, despite it not being perfect, is that so often you'll find others who are trying to work along their 'stuff' right next to you. Many are learning to navigate the meaning of being accountable for ones own actions, for the most part, so you'll see more consideration and sometimes acknowledgement of whatever it could be, whether something resonates or the person is having a tough time with xyz.
Then you venture off into no mans land and it's like dog eat dog.
It's more than ok to stand up for yourself. You perhaps have better tools and skills than them. I say if your bear teeth feel like clamping down out there, go for it. It makes you human because you know deep down that whatever was stated wasn't respectful of good healthy boundaries. Nothing terrible about self defense.

Thanks for your reply ((((( OE )))))

Thanks for your reply ((((( healingmeforme )))))

It is possible that people who jump on you with judgmental comments had a bad day and are misdirecting their anger at you.

I know someone who cannot cope well with a bad day and would blurt all kinds of things. But the next day, he is calm (and probably had taken his meds) and says he didn't mean any of it; he was just mad.

Of course, it is unfair and grossly wrong that people do this. But I just want you to know that the problem is not you.

Thanks ((((((( ennie )))))))

Usually, when I am triggered, it is more about me and my past experiences than them. When we are open/vulnerable we risk being hurt but sometimes when we get hurt we grow in self knowledge.

You have a soft gentle way about you from my POV. Relationships and society are messy. Maybe that is why some of us retreat into isolation. Many people need some alone time everyday because relationships can drain them--I think this might be the definition of people who are introverted. Don't know if you are an introvert but I do think it is exhausting to be what everyone wants you to be all of the time even if you are an extrovert like I am.

I find you sweet and likable and love that you post so much.

Thanks ((((((((( Nowinners )))))))))