Insults being thrown

I had someone completely try to denigrate my work on my blog. I view and approach my blog just as I would any professional endeavor. I outline my experience professionally within the mental health field, as well as personally in order to describe myself and my background.

Well this person admitted to me that she was envious of all my accomplishments.

When I set a boundary with her telling her I could not function as a life coach for her, which is what I suspected she wanted from me, she got very angry and started throwing insults, insulting the integrity of my work on my blog and me personally by extension.

She said it seemed as though I presented myself in my blog as a pseudo life coach. Then proceeds to insinuate that my blog content is very generic.. nothing special about it. My blog happened to have won an award and is cited and linked to by many other websites.

What the hell is wrong with some people????

Why do those who are envious need to insult, put down and denigrate those they are envious of?

I am beside myself. I’m very proud of my blog. I put my heart and soul into it. It’s my baby. All I can say is how dare someone try to take that down. I am appalled at this person’s behavior.

Just appalled.

People are shallow and superficial and insecure. That's what is wrong with people.

Those who are envious need to insult, put down, and denigrate those they envy, because of the above reasons.

Sorry that happened to you but don't take it personally, which I know is hard to do. I can relate. A woman from my drum circle 20 years ago became a life coach (certified, has a blog, a Facebook page, a YouTube channel - the show shebang).

What her followers don't know is that she was envious, insulting and denigrated ME the entire time we were in the drum circle together -- even when I was hit by a truck and spent time in the hospital recovering. She used my time in recovery as an opportunity trash talk me SO MUCH SO that when I returned to the drum circle, people who had been my friends now shunned me.

To this day they still shun me. I even confronted this horrible person after I was well enough, about what she did, and do you know what her reaction was? She completely ignored everything I said; no apology, no empathy, no acknowledgement that yes, she trash talked about me and said vile things that weren't true.

AND SHE BECAME A LIFE COACH HELPING OTHER PEOPLE?!?!

I could easily bombard her social media with my personal account of her vile behavior to return the favor 20 years later, and let her adoring public know just what a narcissistic, vile, manipulative woman she is. But I won't. Why? Because I'd rather focus my energy on healing myself.

Physician -- or in your case life coach heal thyself. What would you tell a client who experienced the same thing?

I know how frustrated and annoyed you feel, to be on the receiving end of such garbage. But unfortunately, we can't control the way others treat us, especially when they are envious, insecure, jerks.

I'm so sorry you've had to put up with ALL of this, golden_eve! I completely agree with what StreetcarBlanche has already wisely said better than I ever could! Some people can be just mean and you don't need to pay ANY attention to them! Instead, just try to focus on YOURSELF, ok? Just don't give ANY attention to this kind of people because THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT! Just be confidend of your own accomplishment and be proud of what you've been bulding so far, ok? Just remember to SURROUNS YOURSELF with people who truly appreciate you and love you for who you TRULY ARE and who TRULY appreciate and enjoy all the hard work you've been putting in ALL the areas of your life, including your blog of course! It IS important to focus on our own health and our own health and to not waste any of our precious time with negative energy and negative people in general! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! I hope things will get better soon for you and that you'll be able to forget this episode or incident soon! Sending many hugs to you, golden_eve!

"I outline my experience professionally within the mental health field, as well as personally in order to describe myself and my background. "

I could see where that would come off as a life coach type attitude...and by her asking for you to be her coach could seem possible. when you said no she got upset. regardless of if your blog won awards etc, that is the point....she thought you would help her, and you didn't.

you set a boundary & she didn't like it. read the psychotherapy forum. every other post has people complaining about how their therapist set a boundary & they don't like it. in some aspect this is the same situation...your blog and it's information acts as a quasi therapist for people. they can use it as a source for guidance. when she approached you for additional help, and you didn't respond in the manor she wanted, well anger ensued. (again read the posts in the forum)

I get you are proud of your work. this really doesn't have anything to do with the quality of it, or the awards etc. it is about you offering a service (the blog) and someone wanting more.

perhaps you might want to tag a line onto your blog info someplace that you are not a life coach and do not offer that to folks so this does not happen again.

why be appalled? your response is just as immature as theirs was...if you want to consider your work professional then think& act like it. you mention boundaries then respond at the same level she does. be the professional..it isn't about just writing like one, it is also about handling the responses, the conflict etc. if you put your thoughts out on a blog, be prepared for reactions... the entire world can read and respond and that is a boat load of readers..each with an entirely different perspective.

if you want to set yourself up as a pseudo life coach then why the response from you as appalled and upset ? respond as a pseudo life coach would.

I like resurgam's suggestion to add a disclaimer to clarify your blog's purpose. Something like: " *disclaimer: This information is intended for educational use only. I do not offer personal coaching services." Clarify what your blog is for people, so you can avoid this happening again.

I'm reading a book right now, actually that addresses this very issue of simplicity. It's called "Simple: Conquering the Crisis of Simplicity" by Alan Siegel and Irene Etzkorn. Don't overload your blog with information, keep it simple, so that people who read it, know exactly what your blog's purpose is.

Are you a certified life coach?
Do you offer people your services?
Or, is your blog a resource of life coach websites that you review or comment on?

The more simplified you can make your blog as to what it's purpose and intention is, the less flapback you'll receive from people who read it.

Your post is neither helpful nor supportive. I don’t need to be called immature. Thank you very much. My feelings are perfectly valid and I AM appalled. I never state in my blog that I am acting as a life coach. I am not going to defend myself here. I am looking for support NOT criticism! Thank you.

Of course your feelings are valid. I think it would be a good idea to clarify what your blog is for people who read it. I hope that doesn't come across as judgmental criticism, but rather as just feedback that is neutral.

Thank you so much to the other two posters. I appreciate your replies.

I posted for support and that is all.

Thank you Blanche. I greatly appreciate it. I don’t think I need to state in my blog that I am not a life coach. I make it very clear that my purpose is to help people overcome common barriers to happiness. It’s a blog about how to be happy in life. Pretty straight forward..

I’m sorry you had the upsetting exchange, Eve. When people get mad, many times they fling poo. That’s all. Keep on doing your helpful blog. I’m sure you help many and few will get upset with you.

Thanks Tisha!

I think the main point is: this person wanted to mooch off of my energy and use me. It’s not about what my blog states or doesn’t state. No where on my blog do I offer services. It’s obvious that it’s a blog with articles on how to be happier.

i stand corrected you did not say you were a life coach..how ever you did say " I outline my experience professionally within the mental health field, as well as personally in order to describe myself and my background. " which not ever having read your blog and read the tone in which you present yourself could actually come off in a "life coach" attitude.

regardless, at least one of your readers took umbrage with the fact that while you may not consider yourself one, she (he) does.

by immature, consider this..if your therapist changes boundaries and you bang up against them does your therapist rail and complain and call you names? do they get appalled? etc. no. boundaries are part of the process. they are professionally prepared to deal with the banging up against them. your reaction was not professional..it was the reaction of a therapy patient just told no. not the reaction of an author of an award winning blog. if you are going to talk the talk, then walk the walk. you have to be above the reaction..be the professional.

not trying to insult you but when you are the author of a blog or video's that are available to the general public and are offering a service you must be aware that you will have reactions like this and you must know how to handle them.

if you put your heart & soul I to it and want others to respect that treat it as such....don't let it get bogged down with an emotional response...there are times for that but there are times to be the owner, author & professional. does your therapist get rattled when you bang up against the boundaries? think that way. people do all the time (read the therapy forum) react critically, not emotionally.

again, while you do not consider yourself a "life coach" others probably do. you might want to ask the readers what they think. you might be surprised. if you are offering advice on coping skills, dealing with life, handling situations, etc, I would consider you a life coach. there are many variations of a "life coach" ...and while your interpretation might differ..your readers might place you in that category. take some deep breaths, calm down & assess the matter. nothing wrong with being a life coach (chances are you are one already...but if so own it and ready to be accountable-which you should be already )

I think it's great. But I can see both sides here. That woman misinterpreted your blog to mean that you offer life coaching services. Make sure you are clear on your blog that you don't offer people life coaching services.

If you don't simplify your blog's purpose, it may confuse people. I'm trying to follow this advice myself, as a freelancer, who is setting up her own website. I want to make sure I keep my blog as simple as possible. So that I can attract the right kind of clients.

This is not about my blog. Please leave that out of this. Why is the focus on me??? I am angry and hurt. Thanks but this thread is not turning into what I had hoped for and wanted out of it.

But, there will be people who assume things. And it's those people you need to account for. So, there is nothing wrong with adding a disclaimer at the bottom of your blog. A simple one-sentence will address people's confusion -- there will always be someone who thinks you offer services that you don't.

Remember that book I recommended about the problem of complexity and how the 3 rules of simplicity can help businesses streamline their services to the public? It's about thinking about who reads your blog. All kinds of people read it. Some will assume you offer life coaching services and call you on it.

But, if you protect yourself with a simple disclaimer that you don't offer life coaching services -- if you address the purpose of your blog in your disclaimer, then people won't be confused. Does that make sense? I still support you, but I am approaching your issue also from a freelance/business perspective.

She is the only single person who viewed my blog this way out of thousands. It’s HER misinterpretation. Not my own fault and not because of what my blog does not state. I’m getting very angry now.

I wrote that before seeing this reply. I do see your point. It’s not then point of my original post though. I am pissed off that this woman wanted to use me and mooch off of me.

I see you as more of a "consultant" if you don't offer coaching services on your blog. So, this is about your blog. This blog helps clarify.

Should Life and Business Coaches Give Advice?

Can we focus instead on this woman? She misinterpreted, not my fault. She wanted to mooch off me and use me, based on her own misinterpretation. Nowhere do I claim that I offer services, consultation or life coaching. At no point did I tell her that I am willing to coach her. She plain and simple glued onto me for her own selfish self serving reasons.

Also to be clear: we met online and not through my blog. Only after some amount of conversations about life did I share with her my blog. Probably important to know.

I don't think anyone here wants to invalidate your feeling pissed off that this woman assumed you owed her a life coaching session, because of the content of your blog. She assumed something that wasn't true. She expected you to offer her free advice, which is not what your blog is about anyway. I totally understand that.

That's the only reason I mentioned clarifying on your blog, to people, even if it's just one person, that you do not offer life coaching services. Then you won't have this kind of weird communication again from someone who reads your blog; they won't assume you offer life coaching b/c you clearly state that you don't. Does that make sense?

Ah, that piece of information helps clarify everything now for me, anyway.

It never ceases to amaze me how much expectations people heap onto others. It’s self-centered and completely unreasonable. Good for you to tell her no. But you still walked away with a yucky feeling because the interaction was just ridiculous. I like the suggestion to add a disclaimer to your blog. Next time should this problem arise at least you could point to that. Still... I find it so weird she placed demands on you based on a blog. I read people’s blogs and websites all the time and it never occurs to me to thrust myself unreasonably on them.

This is weird to me. I've seen your blog. In no way would I think that, through your blog, you are offering life coaching. Your blog is sort of inspirational, self-help oriented, but not like you offer any services. It's a personal blog style, not a business blog.

I think, regardless of what she wanted, you set a boundary with her, and she reacted with a lot of insulting comments. That's when you say "I'm sorry you feel that way." and walk away. Remember we talked about practicing ignoring people? She doesn't like you now. Not everyone in the world will like you or will get mad at you because you don't do what they want. We (I say we because you and I are both working on this) have to practice ignoring them.

I know that's a simplistic answer, but reassure yourself that you are happy with the quality of the content you are producing, and that is all that matters. All that matters in this instance is your opinion of your blog. Keep reminding yourself that she can have her opinion, and it doesn't have to matter to you. You don't need validation from her to feel good about what you do.

I get it; it's hard to deal with these things because we don't have the coping skills. Remember this is an opportunity to practice not caring about her. Block her from your social media and keep putting her out of your mind. You can do it. Don't waste your energy on her.

You set your boundary. She's going to be unhappy. Let her be unhappy. It's not your job to make her happy. It's your job to take care of you.

Hope this helps.

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