torn

someone i know needs a kidney. we both don't have close family around so we have tried to stay in touch. i have even stayed overnight to help her when she had surgery for her condition and i call her every week to make sure she is okay. if she does get called for a transplant, i will be her primary caregiver until her family can fly in. however, i have not offered to be tested to see if i am a match because sometimes she has not been very nice. she scolds and can be rude at times. she is like that to everyone so it is nothing personal but it doesn't endear me to her. i have another friend whom i love dearly and i would give her a kidney if she needed one. i feel bad i have not been tested. i have gone through the scenario of if that person dies. i know i would feel bad i did not get tested for her.

Well... I don't know as I really have any words of wisdom to offer you with regard to this. But I noticed no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would. Personally I don't believe anyone owes anyone a part of their body. So I would not feel guilty about not being tested. But that's just me. I hope that you will be able to find peace whatever you ultimately decide to do.

me too, I agree. My anxiety couldn't handle surgery and certainly not one that was absolutely necessary. For me to risk giving a body part to someone, well, they would need to be a VERY close family member. Chances are higher that the surgery would do well then, and the organ would be a better match.

I wouldn't feel too bad. maybe your friend could use a different kind of support from you. also, I think it is best to consider what you have going on in your life. consider your goals and lifestyle. maybe even try contacting someone in your friend's family for possible donors or relatives that may consider supporting your friend in another way.

Well, I don't think you have any obligation to donate a kidney if you don't want to, @TerryL! SO I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH WHAT BOTH THE WISE AND WONDERFUL SKEEZYKS AND THE WISE AND WONDERFUL AB2731 HAVE ALREADY WISELY AND WONDERFULLY SAID BETTER THAN I EVER COULD! Do what YOU feel like doing! Donating a kidney is no child's play so do it only if you're ABSOLUTELY SURE OF IT! Your Anxiety and Fears are ALL REALLY RELATABLE! So please, do consider your choice and whatever the answer will be, at the very least you can say you thought it through over and over! No need to feel guilty about that! Please ALWAYS remember that you're important, you matter, you're worth it, YOU'RE WISE AND YOU'RE WONDERFUL! Please take WONDERFUL care of yourself, ok? Please do keep fighting and do keep rocking AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME when you need Advice And Support or even simply someone to talk to! I AM SURE ALL THE OTHER WISE, WONDERFUL PEOPLE WILL GLADLY HELP YOU AND SUPPORT YOU AS WELL IF YOU JUST ASK FOR HELP! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @TerryL, Your Family, Your Friends And ALL Of Your Loved Ones! Please do keep fighting and do keep rocking AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN!

Wow, that's a big deal and not everyone can just step up and offer one of their kidneys. Any surgery puts a person at risk so it's not a simple decision for anyone. Also, it's not about just being a viable match either, they have to consider the donar's overall health where they are less apt to develop serious challenges because of this surgery.

I understand your conflict. I have 3 kidneys. you are only supposed to have 2. in the past people have "suggested" that I donate my extra one...to people I don't know, people I know, all kinds of situations. it puts stress on you. truth is they aren't all healthy. honestly, the 3 don't work all that well..but people don't understand that..they think you have an extra so offer it up.

I can't without placing my life at risk. and again I am not going too. I have received many poor and nasty comments about this. but it is the right decision.

you need to make the right call for you. not for what everyone else says or thinks. it is your life, your health. you are doing care for her and that is awesome. many would not even do that.

thanks skeezyks, you are always so kind.

i guess i felt guilty because what if she dies and i could have been a match? but it is a huge thing to give up a kidney.

thank you for your supportive works mickeycheeky.

tx open eyes. i think if it was a close friend or family i might not hesitate as much...

dear resurgam, i hope your kidneys will be okay. tx for your understanding. pls stay well!

Yeah, I might feel a little guilty too. But that possibly is guilt I could live with. Is this a person someone you could not live without? what would they do if you were the one in their situation? I know those might be difficult questions to answer, but trust yourself. Please do not feel pressured into doing something you are not sure you want to do.