I'm so done, I say.

Just something that happened a few days ago but it's been bothering me, I plan on confronting the problem tomorrow and I need some advise. It's about my biological father. As some of you may know my dad was trying to get information about me from my therapist. But im glad he stuck up for me, so that went well. But on the day of my last appointment my dad had called him and told him things I wasn't ready to share. I had went through a period of major depression and suicid attempts caused by grief. But I didn't tell my dad what caused it or his direct part in it. And I didnt want my therapist to know just yet because of the complicated and painful situation. But my dad TRULY broke my boundaries. This would usually be the part were I end the relationship and completely cut contact with him. And warn him if he ever dose something like that again he will be EXTREMELY unhappy. And I'm honest when I say I want to see him cry. I want him to blame himself. I'm so sick and tired of dysfunctional relationships, maybe I should work on legally disowning them. My dad is actually starting to look really narcissistic.

For what it's worth my former sibling tried a stunt similar ( note former he's been disowned)
Demanding to "talk" to my doctors, to give them his diagnosis etc etc..

After a couple of years somehow he figured out who I was seeing and rang them up ,he found out things he didn't want to know .

Such as they already new his diagnosis as I told them,they could not and would not accept his diagnosis , he doesnt have a high school diploma let alone an M.D ,it would be illegal for them to break confidentiality , therefore they would not acknowledge if they saw me or why.

Then to add icing on the cake , they suggested from his actions and behaviour he may be having a mental health crisis and there is help out there in his area .

They would not hear him out .

Now if your people heard your dad out , the following circumstances probably existed.

1.you live together , so he has an independent prospèctive about your past or current behaviour when not in session.

2. You may be under the "age of maturity"

3. He is still parent or guardian

The minute any or all of the above don't apply, them talking to him ,has to be with your written permission if at all , they cant afford to violate a patients trust or violate ethics or HIPPA laws.

Your dad sounds like he violated YOUR trust , that's a big issue that you will have to process ,but please do it from a place of peace and accepting it happened !anger will cloud both your judgement and message to him , focus your efforts at explaining "healthy boundries" and that Your therapy is for you ,not for him to "play old family tapes" or to sabotage your progress .

My parents are divorced. My dad knows little about me and I'm 14 turning 15 in a couple months. (But dont judge me for my age, I could scare kids and outsmart adults if I really wanted to)

And we are far past the point of doing this without a fight. I suspect my dad of having IED. ( Intermittent Explosive Disorder) so standing up for myself on a battlefield is impossible to avoid. My plan is just exploiting his weaknesses until he submits.

In that case watch for shrapnel ,and keep us posted ,and please please have a phone nearby if he comes unhinged and you need backup.

I just fought with him. I may go inactive for a day or two tops. I just feel hurt and aggressive right now. I'll update when I calm down.

Haha I just quoted myself! That's kinda funny. Hehe. But anyways I'm going to give an update on what happened.

So I call my dad and he seems friendly. Then I tell him I'm mad at him and he knows why. Before the first 8 minutes of arguing he hangs up on me because I "interrupted him" but I called him back. And eventually I asked him why he did what he did. Now let me explain.

I have a history of bad therapists that caused me shut off. I had told him I wasn't going to open up to them anymore because they weren't helping. (That's another story though) but none of the others were helping because they were ignorant of my abusive situation and just kept telling me to try to cooperate. And I didnt want help anymore at one point because they had all been useless. My parents picked all of them.

But I chose the one I have now, I made the effort because I knew i couldn't function normally. (Though it also makes me proud not to be normal. Makes me feel special) so my dad told me that he gave out information to my therapist because he thought I wouldn't do it. That I was never going to open and that I didnt really want help. So he needed to do it. (Wonder if he forgot that you work slow with therapy?) And somewhere along the argument he blamed me for picking up personality traits during my traumatic experience even though I didnt choose to have them. He blamed me because I cant understand nor can I confirm that I feel empathy. I told him his behavior was toxic but he told me that that was crap. Then he said my behavior was toxic. So I said "well, kids act like sponges. They will do whatever their role models do. So really, who's fault is that?".

And the whole time he wanted me to see his "good intentions". Even though I found them degrading. He even told me that even though his abusive parents did bad stuff they had good intentions and he could understand them. That some of the things they did were embarrassing.
What he didnt understand was that it wasn't embarrassing for me, it was infuriating! IM NOT HIM! I eventually just hung up on him when he promised he wouldn't get involved again.

What he doesn't know was that I've read countless articles on toxic parenting. I know what I'm talking about. He was gaslighting me, YELLING at me, victimizing himself, and antagonizing me. That IS toxic. And he wouldn't take full responsibility for his actions.



And the best part? I dont feel empathy, and I'm proud of this fact. I feel no remorse. He deserved it.

It sounds like your in a bad situation with dad , from here you seem like you are being very reasonable . Your dad very well could lack insight into his own behaviour and not see how that effects those around him .

Your right as far as children being sponges ,our personalities are composites of the people and experiences that make up our young experiences good or bad we endure good and bad .

My father was the very definition of IED , the woman i call mom was not by birth ,she adopted me and undid as much damage as she could ,well loving me and seeing in her own way nature or nurture, my birth mother was stellar woman, who unfortunately insisted she wanted kids , she turned my father's proposals down 3 times because of it , he figured this out and agreed to have kids , that was the biggest mistake of her life ,ultimately I may not have been born without them ,however as the youngest of three by the time I was 6 ,my father was an evil man ,who got tired of acting loving and let his true feelings come out including his previously fairly well disguised IED, then his bizzarre actions and occasional impulses went to 15 all the time , I became a near constant runaway rather than get beat ,I would leave ,my mom was very sick when I was 11 so I went home , 9 days after my 12 bday he blew his stack literally he murdered my birth mother and tried to kill me . He was known as the lunatic of the neighborhood for his behaviour and animal torturing and abuses of neighbors ( it was an open secret we were being abused ,many nights town cops would pick me up and look after me making sure I got to my physical safe places or taking me to sleep in the chiefs office in bad weather ) protection of children was not a priority or as unacceptable as today in 1970's .

So the psychologist who adopted me ,tested the whole concept of nature versus nurture everyday raising me , she found her answer and probably breathed a sigh of relief when I became an adult and am nothing at all like my father or family ( matter of fact his violence resulted in my becoming an IT in "AVP" ,a mediator ,and dedicating my able bodied life as Firefighter) I did inherit a mind for engineering and electronics and I look alot like him .

All that to explain if he is IED ,sure they don't all go as ballistic as mine did ,but please be carefull , you sound like your handling the added stress he places on you . Be carefull not to give any fuel to his disorder . I can't speak to not having empathy ,it's not good/bad ,I honestly think much of life is only what you do with it. Lots of people do fine with and without Different "coping" skills, and remember there are late bloomers so if you develope empathy dont consider it diminishing your individuality . We all have a general IQ & "EQ" emotional quotient , they can be vastly different from each other ,they do share one thing and that's they can both be learned ,it's not just intuition it's learning how and when to trust and use your skills.

I was once told , I can't swear by it or say it with certainty, that for every "bad" year we live it takes 2.5 years in therapy to unravel it and make sense of ,how it impacted our life. Congratulations for getting a head start on healing and for dealing with your dad and his issues , let them remain his !.

My dad almost killed me once.

For my childhood, my stepmother came into the picture when I was five or four. She was kind and nurturing. I loved her greatly. But then she grew more distant. I was being constantly criticized and compared. No one even acknowledged my accomplishments most of the time. Some conversations we've had...

Me: I'm a really good artist!

Her: NO... your good for your AGE. (Person) can do a lot better because she has more experience! Shes REALLy good!

Me: okay... but that doesn't help...

Her: noooo, it dose help!
(Some advise would have been nice)


Me: you treat me like a second class citizen.

Her: you are a CHILD. We treat you like a CHILD. Adults are better.
(How dose this help me, exactly?)


Me: you need to treat children kindly and understand their feelings. (Refering to myself)

Her: noooo, children just need to learn to OBEY.
(You need to teach your kids to listen to you, but you also need to teach them to stand up to you too. If they cant say no to you, they cant say no to someone else. This is flawed)

If you want to know more, feel free to PM me. But anyways....

So last year I had gotten sick and was dealing with the aftermath of it. So I wasn't contagious anymore. But my dad got me pill medication. The problem with this is I hate pills and my nose was plugged and my throat felt funny. So I couldn't take them anyways. So he opened up my door holding a pill and told me to grap my water bottle and take it. Reasonably, I told him I couldn't. He got mad, and kept telling me to take it more forcefully each time. And finally he said "you know what, I'm just going to shove it done your throat!". And he tried and failed. But after yelling at me and making me cry he pretended I didnt exist.

My body is weaker then average, so breathing can be an issue when I'm sick. I also often can mucus in my lungs, which was what happened that time. So breathing was a real issue. And he was much stronger then me. He could have easily killed me. Can I report this? Or is it too late?