[emoangel]

Heres my other question. My boyfriend and i have been together for close to a year...and we are crazy about each other, but sometimes i just get scared of losing him for no reason. Today i was just laying there on the couch with him and i started to cry at the mere thought of losing him. It seems to me ive lost confidence in the relationship, even though its the best thing in my life right now...nothing is wrong though. I mean maybe its just a bit repetitive because im a college student and he is a senior in highschool, so we both dont have car access, so that narrows the choices down...or maybe just what we do together gets repetitive...i dont know. We've talked about this before, and when we do i feel better, but it just seems, it sort of resettles and goes beneath the surface. I dont know if anyone understands, but if you do, any advice would be appreciated. Hes the best, ive never been treated better in my entire life, but i just dont know...where this is going, and im praying it will last. Help me please

[Zenobia]

I always figured my husband would leave me eventually. I felt that he would find out that I was a worm and just walk out the door and never return. After awhile I wished he would so that the waiting would be over. Then I did something terribly bad that hurt him to the quick but he stayed. He stood beside me through it all. Imagine my surprise.

In therapy I found out that I am not innately bad. That in fact I am a pretty decent person. It was the things in my childhood that taught me that I didn't deserve love and that it could be taken away even when I thought I was being good. Quite confusing to a little girl. I had to work through those beliefs in my badness and discard them. Not an easy thing to do. I am still surprised to find out that people seem to like me.

What I am trying to say is, if your boyfriend hasn't shown any reason to doubt him and his desire to stay with you then it is time for you to dig deep and find out what it is inside you that makes you feel this way. It is hard work but worth it.
Zen

<font color=blue>that I would be good even if I did nothing, that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down, that I would be good if I got and stayed sick, that I would be good even if I gained 10 pounds-- Alanis Morissette

[curlyq]

You say you get scared of losing him for no reason. I think though there must be reasons for it. Have you lost someone close before? Have you suffered rejection? I have had the feelings you have, too, even to the point of pushing someone away before they reject me, like I think they will. I've suffered some bad rejection that wasn't really apparent it was rejection but when I think about it, it was abandonment. Other bad things happen that feel like I was hated and rejected, too. And I know I was. You do deserve good things and to have someone with you forever. If this is bothering you quite a bit, it's a good idea to see a counselor or get some books on fears of rejection. Come to think of it, I am going to put that on my list too. lol. Best wishes to you.

<font color=purple>Peace to you.</font color=purple>

[emoangel]

yea i dont know, its not so bad at this point in time, we are working through it, we talk about it quite a bit, and even though i do get upset its good to know we sort of share a common fear. I love him to death, and i know that i know that, and sometimes thats enough to satisfy me. As for rejection or abandonment...well..id say that ive been used and then abandoned a few times, it hurts to fall into a "trap" like that. For some reason i think that this relationship is so good that im scared because i feel it cant last forever and that nothing is this good forever, im afraid to let myself believe that. Thats what it comes down too.

"in a haze a stormy haze i'll be round i'll be loving you always, always...here i am and i take my time here i am ill wait in line always, always..." ~coldplay~